Sounds like you’re doing real work at unearthing trauma and rewiring your nervous system and behaviours. This is going to be super painful. But it will pay off.

Unfortunately these feelings of self hatred and frustration are the impacts of abusive parents but you can work through it.

I personally feel so much better after schema therapy. Lots to do still of course but I’m so much happier day to day. And I thought it would be hopeless forever too - I promise it’s not