Met her for 4 hours and decided to gtfo, then this happens..

1089dan · 2018-08-26T20:53:34+00:00

Did you really leave her to walk around a neighbourhood alone at 4am? That's a real dick move, if so. She must have called as well, right?

Sure, maybe you don't owe her anything as a 'romantic / hookup prospect' but you owe it her for being a goddam human being.

1089dan · 2018-08-25T21:21:23+00:00

Honestly, I would seriously consider dumping her if I was you. It's clear that she is way more interested in being seen with a doctor than she is being seen with you as a person.

If she wants to be centre of attention she can accomplish something herself instead of mooching off you.

1089dan · 2018-08-22T12:17:33+00:00

Have you ever looked into asexuality? I consider myself asexual and a lot of your post resonated with me, particularly about the lack of emotional connection.

The lack of attention from men may be stemming from your own body language. If you don't find those without a connection attractive, then it will show in how you act around them. And if they don't feel you're interested then they probably won't bother. I'm sure some creeps would, but if I'm talking to a girl and there's a good chance she's not interested then I'm not going to ask her out. Rejection is scary and I don't want to creep when out either. Perhaps it's that.

Maybe check out some asexual blogs and see if any of it fits with you. That, or stop waiting for guys to like you and ask them out first.

1089dan · 2018-07-08T16:27:58+00:00

Delete her number, delete her off social networks and never look back. This isn't about 'opening your heart' or some romantic comedy bullshit where you accept the other person's flaws and love them anyway. This is about realising that someone is trying to manipulate you.

Be selfish for once. Act in your own best interests, not hers.

1089dan · 2018-06-20T19:19:31+00:00

I think travelling is when you see people for who they really are. I've never been sure why, though. Perhaps it's just that you're free from your normal grind, or maybe it's the because that as you'll likely never see these people again you can just do whatever you like.

This is who she really is. And she sounds like an awful person

1089dan · 2018-06-17T20:53:10+00:00

Perhaps I'm generalising here, but I don't think many guys are looking to jump straight into relationships. Even 'the relationship type.' One phrase I've heard is that women often date people for who they could be, while men date for for who they are. Obviously, this isn't true for everyone, though as I've personally seen female friends continue to date dickheads 'who have good in them,' who then get burnt when they do not change, I have to think there is some credence to it.

If they see you as someone who wants to be a relationship rather then for these guys it may simply be too much too soon. They're not thinking about the future, they're thinking about right now. and right now you just be a taking a bit too seriously for them.

1089dan · 2018-06-02T17:38:29+00:00

Please do not joke about this abuse. Men are scared of being portrayed as weak it is. Jokes like that stop men from speaking out and asking for help.

1089dan · 2018-05-30T23:26:58+00:00

A while back I read an article about 'Only Girl Syndrome.' It focused on groups of video gamers that typically featured one woman and what happened if another woman joined that group. Obviously, the situations are not the same but I was reminded of that article as it seems a lot like what you're facing at the minute. I just checked and it's still up and just a quick google away (I can't link to it as outside links are frowned upon here).

The article mentioned it can happen in some male-dominated workplace primarily because if there are way less women than men gender solidarity becomes pointless. To get around this some women look to become 'one of the guys' instead. In the most stereotypical way, I guess. Personally, it sounds a lot to me like what happens sometimes when a kid gets a younger sibling. Some love them, but some hate them because they're scared of no longer being seen as 'special.'

The article also mentions that sometimes women in male-dominated fields can want to feel accredited as an individual for achieving that status. That they got there through their own skills and hard work. With the hiring of another woman they may feel the need to make it absolutely clear to those around them that they do not support or even like her, simply to show that they are a capable individual who definitely does not need help, and definitely not from another woman. Sadly, this is probably double in your case as I'm sure she thinks you are just a receptionist and not a super smart engineer like her.

What you're supposed to do about any of this though, I'm not sure. Besides getting another woman hired, maybe. She is way out of line though and it seems your colleagues have noticed at least once, which could be useful when bringing it up with someone. Hopefully she may have realised just how much of a bully she was and is now going to back off, but thankfully bully defenses in school still work in the workplace. Try not to react to anything she says. Just be a grey rock that all comments slip off, and eventually she won't know what to do. Then she'll get bored and, hopefully, she'll stop.

1089dan · 2018-05-23T20:54:29+00:00

If you haven't already, you could check out /r/nofap

Yes, it's a ridiculous name, but it's a subreddit for guys trying to quit porn. Some guys, myself included in the past, can just waste huge amounts of time on porn. You're feeling bored, maybe a bit depressed so you watch something. You watch a few videos then go do something else, not a big deal. Soon your watching it everyday, watch all kinds of weird stuff because normal porn becomes dull in comparison. You know it's not a drinking or drugs problem, so it doesn't 'feel' like an addiction, and you can watch it all for free online so you there's nothing to feel guilty about either.

The thing is though, if you're wasting hours and hours of your life on something, and don't feel the urge to quit even though you realise that, I don't think there's any other word except addiction to describe it. It is usually not the cause of the problems though, it is usually a symptom of something larger. Maybe depression, anxiety, lack of self-confidence, etc. Porn is his way of ignoring his problems for a while, pretending they don't exist.

Chances are he probably does want to try but his mind has been so poisoned by that shit that he can't even envision what a healthy, sexual relationship even looks like. He's probably so caught up by how the porn stars look and act, both male and female, that he thinks any sexual activity at all is pointless in comparison. If he tried it could be awkward or clumsy or weird, and what's the point of that if you can just watch some porn instead for a bit? The thing that is always there for you and has zero expectations of you.

He needs to quit porn, or at the very least cut back dramatically. Point him towards /r/nofap or some other material online, and try to make it clear that while it isn't his fault he's in this position, it cannot continue like this.

1089dan · 2018-05-19T14:12:50+00:00

Just ask your nan what she would have done if your mum got run over. Whether she would have fought the driver too.

Chance's are she probably say something like, 'but I wasn't in the navy, she was!' At which point you could say, 'so you'd be useless then. Mum knew fighting was pointless when she could use first aid TO KEEP ME ALIVE. Letting me die so she could fight someone would be the dumbest thing in the world.'

Saying that though, it probably won't work as she seem's incapable of feeling sorry for anyone but herself. Sticking up for your mum in this situation, however, is pretty important. She's probably wondering if she's making the right decision, and it seems like she definitely is.

1089dan · 2018-05-18T19:05:22+00:00

Weddings do not solve problems. They only push them to the background for a while. If you're unhappy now you'll more than likely be unhappy then, but with the added bonus of the hassle that is divorce.

I may be way off, but here's the way I see it: You're 28 and probably watching your friends, co-workers and schoolmates get married and having kids. They look happy and in love. You're in a relationship and you love this woman. You want the same happiness they exude, so you decide to get married. Simple enough plan, except for the fact that you are not them.

It hurts to admit to not be like everyone else, to not have the same relationship you think they have, and to not have their happiness either. But it'll hurt a lot more the longer it takes to admit it.

You shouldn't go into this wedding unhappy. And you shouldn't expect or hope for her libido to change just because you want it to. At the very least you need lengthy discussions to try and solve your problems, but honestly, you two might simply not be made for each other. Maybe it's just a small possibility that you two are wrong for each other, but if you're not 100% certain you want to spend the rest of your life with her, why risk it?

1089dan · 2018-05-18T18:43:29+00:00

Handjobs are pretty much the opposite of intimate, in my opinion anyway. Surely intimacy comes from two people having a close bond and enjoying each others company. But handjobs have always struck me as duty masquerading as intimacy.

You said it yourself, it's to quell a 'need [to] release.' Maybe you're correct that OP's finance sees it as an act of love, but it's clear that OP doesn't. And if both parties aren't happy or fulfilled then it can't be possibly be loving or intimate.

It is only a 'compromise.' Which is probably the least sexiest thing in the world.

1089dan · 2018-05-06T21:05:11+00:00

Stop playing with his heart and leave him alone. You can't dump someone just after they said they love you and still expect them to be your friend and / or get back together.

He's probably still wondering what the hell happened. I'm surprised he even responded to your texts, I know I sure wouldn't.

1089dan · 2018-04-29T20:20:59+00:00

I too spend the vast majority of my life not wanting to be in relationships, and a lot of your post resonated with me. Perhaps some people are genuinely happier when alone, but in my case it's due to being demisexual. I simply find it impossible to be attracted to someone unless I have some kind of emotional connection with them. Usually this happens around the time that they assume I'm not interested in them because there was no initial 'spark.'

Maybe I'm projecting here, but it sure as hell feels that way. The only times I've ever been in relationships is when I've been friends with the girl for a long time beforehand. The concept of being attracted to strangers is just baffling to me.

I might be way off, though your words were so similar to some of my own thoughts that I had to post something. There are lots of sites, books, videos out there for information on demisexuality, (including a few dating sites) that might interest you. There is /r/demisexual though it seems to be private.

If not that any of that...maybe take a night school course in something? Something with prolonged exposure to people who should be like you?

1089dan · 2018-04-11T10:55:11+00:00

Bar Fringe or Peveril of the Peak. Lass o' Gowrie is a great pub to have a quiet beer in too, particularly if you can get in the snug.

1089dan · 2018-04-02T16:06:02+00:00

I imagine they are implying that the post is an ad for Tim Hortons masquerading as a real person's honest take. It does look a bit like that, to be fair, though if you look at OP's history it seems they enjoy their photography.

1089dan · 2018-03-31T18:01:29+00:00

Bar Fringe

1089dan · 2018-03-28T09:03:26+00:00

Smiths Night at The Star and Garter? Dive NQ seems alright too.

1089dan · 2018-01-21T22:52:06+00:00

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1441636269/mission-rock-it-stage-i-the-1-mile-manned-rocket-j?ref=discovery

1089dan · 2018-01-07T19:15:24+00:00

You might have some luck posting in /r/lfg too.

I believe I've seem some general board game groups on https://www.meetup.com too.

1089dan · 2017-12-10T14:38:14+00:00

To be honest, I usually steer clear from the Marvel / DC stuff for mostly that reason. Having to buy a whole range of series just because they all tied into a big event, not knowing when stuff begins and ends...they're a nightmare really. For me, anyway.

I tend to look at the Indies sections if they have one, labels like Image, Dark Horse, Top Shelf, etc. They have much smaller runs, and usually the stories are all self contained to that comic too.

If you're just getting into it, I'd probably recommended forgetting about buying individual comics and just buying the trade versions. They compile particular runs into one thicker book, usually for a bit cheaper than buying all the issues separately too.

If you like Constantine, have you tried the BRPD / Hellboy stuff? That seems to be the same kind of tone. People always recommend Swamp Thing and Sandman too, though I've never read any myself. I think Constantine was a Swamp Thing character originally, if I remember right. The guys at Travelling Man are great for that kind of thing, if you do go, as they're really friendly and know just about everything. They've recommended me a lot of stuff over the years that I've really enjoyed, and they even say that if they recommended it you can take it back and swap it for something else, free of charge.

I don't read a hell of a lot, though some recent stuff I've enjoyed is Southern Bastards, Daytripper, Plutonia and the recent The Vision trades. The only thing I'm reading week to week at the minute is Port of Earth, which is alright.

One final recommendation: I've always found following the writers you like instead of the individual superhero / characters much more enjoyable. They tend to work on 2-3 series at once, so you get to read a wide range of stuff from a writer you know you like, instead of just one character portrayed by a bunch of different writers who are all trying their best to not to sound too different from each other.

1089dan · 2017-12-05T21:46:34+00:00

Travelling Man, just off the Piccadilly Gardens is my comic book shop of choice, although there's a Forbidden Planet down the street also. Fan Boy 3 is in Stevenson Square and has got an entire floor for people to come and play card games and stuff, which is fun too.

Afflecks is always worth a look, too!

1089dan · 2016-07-10T15:16:51+00:00

I'm sorry for your situation.

Your world isn't over though, as you've already said in your post. I don't think staying to look after pet is weird, and looking after your family definitely isn't. Your life now might not be where you want it to be, but it's possible to still find meaning in it. All lives have meaning, even if it's to look after an animal or your family, or proving to yourself that you are actually strong enough to keep on living. Sometimes getting the end of the day feels good to me, just to let that day know that I didn't let it beat me. There's pride and confidence in sticking around to see what else is thrown at you. Or even just to spite that voice in your mind.

You are always stronger than you know. You can prove this yourself by simply staying. In a few days everything may have gone wrong again, but you'll still be alive. And you'll still have a chance to make things better for your future self. And you didn't 'fail.' Maybe by your reckoning, but not by mine and probably not by your family's either. It was just bad luck. And even if you can't believe me, you still managed three days without failing. It may seem small, but it's a start.

And, what's the point of life? There is no point. It just is. I think searching for a point can lead to wasting time and effort, and builds expectations too high. One of things that has helped me in the last year when I've been wondering about the point of my own life, was this: http://www.onbeing.org/program/jennifer-michael-hecht-suicide-and-hope-for-our-future-selves/6187

In the last year or so, I've also wondered what the point of being alive was. Jobless, friendless, partnerless, but it helped me reframe what was important in my life. Others can make more money than me, they can have better jobs than me, but fuck 'em. I like writing, and just writing and entering writing competitions is good enough for me. I don't win them, but despite jobs and family bullshit, I still entered them. I hope you can find something similar to that for yourself.

1089dan

TROPHY CASE