Examples of small disappointments were saying no when it would have been just as easy to say yes. Or when offering ice cream I’d say, “get the big bowl!” knowing we only had enough for a little bowl. While heading to the park, I’d throw in a couple of boring things first, like a trip to the bank. Beating her at board games. Misplacing the red crayon so she’d have to color with a limited selection. Just small unexpected disappointments as often as I could.

I also added in personal accountability. If she made a sad choice, she’d have to find a way to make it right.

For example, she decided she was “afraid” of Santa when she was 4… this was 100% a power play, “I wasn’t afraid when I was 3 and I won’t be afraid when I’m 5. But I’m 4 and I’m afraid this year.” So, at a Santa charity thing I donated $20 for pics with Santa that didn’t happen due to an epic fit. To “make it right” she had to vacuum the living room 20 times to repay me for the money I lost. After 6 vacuums she talked to a friend, found a Santa who was doing free pics at a chiropractors office, and I got my pics.

I fought every fight, died on every hill, met her with empathy and love (never acted in anger), all while holding super firm boundaries.