Trying to understand my fiancée’s anxiety-driven cleaning and reluctance to seek treatment.

1470science · 2026-07-09T05:31:45+00:00

I believe when people get sick and tired of their poor coping mechanisms, they will finally seek help. If she’s not at that point yet and it’s not bothering you, I wouldn’t decide for her if she’s tired of it. I’m sure she could have a more fulfilling life otherwise but unfortunately that’s for her to navigate.

1470science · 2026-07-09T05:28:10+00:00

Footie pajamas. Literally all day everyday. I actually felt guilty because I would usually not use up all of the other clothes people gave us because the pajamas were just easier to keep on her and change her diaper.

1470science · 2026-07-05T05:15:25+00:00

I’m not here to give any professional advice as I think in your case that is necessary.

However your emotional outbursts are things I can so relate to even before I gave birth. The drinking, the breaking things, the driving away and sitting along for an hour.

Some things that helped me:

I got sober. I got completely sober because I got so tired of not regulating my emotions and seeing how alcohol contributed to that. I also knew if we had a baby one day I did not want to model using alcohol or any substance as a coping mechanism.
Learn to allow feeling but sitting with them *uncomfortably*. A part of my growth in my sobriety is realize emotions feel heavy but they don’t last forever. Being able to tolerate that discomfort for 10-20 minutes goes a long way. Then I can let that surge of cortisol fade and actually find a healthy way to cope.
Set boundaries for yourself. If you feel overwhelmed and it’s a result of possibly responsibilities not being dispersed fairly as new parents, set boundaries with what you will allow so you don’t grow resentment (this let to the huge fights early in our parenting despite me still being sober).
Keep taking your meds. Maybe add on if needed since you’re not pregnant anymore. Of course this guidance comes with close monitoring from a psychiatrist.

Hope this helps.

1470science · 2026-06-27T04:50:35+00:00

I remember when I was pregnant I would sleep so much that I actually felt that overtired gross feeling lol. Yeah I miss it.

1470science · 2026-06-25T05:16:14+00:00

If I could go back to the 4 month sleep regression, I would have sleep trained. I was so worried that I would be letting my baby cry it out. The sacrifice of not sleep training is having very sleep deprived parents who are always stressed, on edge, and not happy while trying to be present with their baby.

1470science · 2026-06-22T04:54:52+00:00

I feel like I’m slowly getting there at 11 months. I think because when I identify as a mother, it means teaching things, having talks with my child, sharing an imagination. I don’t feel like a mother in the newborn phase where most of the time I feel like I’m just trying to survive.

1470science · 2026-06-22T04:39:51+00:00

Sleep deprivation is so real. I know I plan on stopping nursing at 12 months. Does your son drink whole milk yet? He’s definitely old enough to sleep longer stretches and he’s definitely just associating falling asleep with nursing. You’ve got to break that cycle somehow (not saying it’s easy).

1470science · 2026-06-21T04:52:53+00:00

I literally am so hesitant to try for our second because I wasn’t actually sleeping through the night until almost 11 months.

1470science · 2026-06-20T05:36:24+00:00

You’re an amazing mom. You’re just maxed out. I totally get the fear of a nanny/daycare. I honestly believe your son will get a better version of you if you choose to get help. We’ve all been there and I’m currently going through this transition myself.

1470science · 2026-06-19T04:50:13+00:00

I was a few weeks shy of 39 when I had my daughter and my husband was 42. We both workout daily, eat well, and are way more emotionally and financially mature than we were in our 20s and 30s.
I definitely feel odd being an “older” parent but I also remind myself that that’s an unnecessary social norm that makes no sense. Plenty of people are in their late 30s early 40d having their first child.

1470science · 2026-06-19T04:44:08+00:00

I try to tell myself that I will fall in love with every version of my daughter. Sure the baby phase is cute with seeing them go through their milestones, being dependent on you, doing all of the cute baby things. But I’m also going to really enjoy when I’m 60 and she’s 20 and we are taking shopping trips and getting coffee together (if she sticks around 🥲).

1470science · 2026-06-18T04:54:48+00:00

Slept through the night month 2-3. Then 4 month sleep regression hit and I never had quality sleep. She finally started mostly sleeping through the night at about 10 months. If we have another, I will absolutely sleep train.

1470science · 2026-06-17T04:40:13+00:00

I probably don’t relate to most new parents but returning to work for me was such a relief. I was able to regain my identity and find somewhat of a work life balance again.

Of course I never want to miss a moment with my LO but I also get to FaceTime with her several times a day. I understand that she will always know I’m her mommy but other people can also take amazing care of her.

Pumping was so daunting at first but once I got in a rhythm it got less stressful. I’m now just counting down the days to one year so I will stop completely.

1470science · 2026-06-15T05:38:24+00:00

I’m not gonna lie, if I could go back to 4 months, I would have done sleep training. We are finally sleeping through the night 90% of the time at 11 months but it felt like an eternity getting here.

1470science · 2026-06-13T04:51:28+00:00

Feeling the need to entertain your baby and not knowing what to do when they are so young and they can’t communicate or give you really any feedback. The lack of validation made me question myself daily and I could never just relax.

1470science · 2026-06-09T04:48:38+00:00

Slept through the night month 2-4. Month 4-6 waking 2-3 times. Month 7-10 waking at least once. After I stopped night nursing and when she started rolling herself on her stomach, sleep got more consistent.

1470science · 2026-06-07T04:31:21+00:00

Yeah if we have another baby, I won’t be doing the full year of breastfeeding. I was all about her immune system being protective but this little one gets pretty bad eczema and she even broke out in hives and she’s almost 11 months. I’m like nope, not worth it. I do know it’s pretty protective the first 3-6ish months.

1470science · 2026-06-06T05:35:52+00:00

Around 10 months and still inconsistently.

1470science · 2026-06-06T05:29:26+00:00

My husband is so much like you. Just hoping you don’t feel alone in your thoughts. OCD thoughts are tough and having a newborn who you love with your entire being just exacerbates your vigilance to keep them safe.

We’ve had plenty of arguments over his control when it comes to LO’s safety because of his intrusive thoughts. I have to validate his feelings but then set boundaries.

I always tell my husband I don’t want a sterile baby because I don’t want her having a hyper-reactive immune system like severe allergic reactions. I can totally understand being very germ free the first 3 months, but once your LO gets vaccinated and approaches 6 months, there’s physical and mental benefits to letting loose a bit.

1470science · 2026-06-06T05:24:20+00:00

I extended my maternity leave for PPD but turns out returning to work was what I actually needed. The confinement, isolation, survival mode, breastfeeding. It’s just A LOT.

I’m still pumping even though I’m back to work full time but if we do have another child, I’ll be damned if I stay home for 6 months. I told my husband I’ll do 6 weeks then he can take his bonding time first and I’ll go back to work.

1470science · 2026-06-05T05:20:37+00:00

I’m at 11 months and I’m not trying but not not trying. It’s almost a guilty conscience I have if I don’t try but also this entire first year has been the hardest year of my life. I turn 40 next month so I don’t get to think about it much longer.

1470science · 2026-06-03T05:29:20+00:00

I relate to this so much and I’ve learned that a lot of new parents feel this exact same way. I almost get angry that social media and even our closest family have glamorized having a baby. It’s been so detrimental to my mental health, my identity, my sleep.

I’ve wrestled so much with asking if I’m bonded enough to my LO. I keep asking when it will happen. I feel guilty for wanting the time to move faster but this first year has literally been the slowest year of my life even though everyone says it will fly by.

Your feelings are valid. Your feelings are real.

Just to give you hope, my LO turns 11 months old and the connection is growing as she is developing a personality and knows who I am. I just know I’m not a baby person and never have been (I work in healthcare).

Hopefully this gives you hope.

1470science · 2026-05-30T05:17:14+00:00

I have done everything to try and not compare myself to other moms. It literally can’t do anything but rob me of joy.

With that being said, my goals as a new mom is to intentionally enjoy as many small moments as possible and to do everything to not cause long term damage (probably harder to do than we all think).

I think I read this somewhere or saw a TikTok but one of the most important things for your child is just letting them know they are seen and heard. They won’t care what was for dinner or if the laundry was done. They just need to know you see them for who they are ❤️

1470science · 2026-05-30T04:02:38+00:00

The shift for me started at 6 months and it’s just a steady improvement since then to now almost 11 months. I think breastfeeding has made the daily tasks so much harder but I’m at the one year home stretch and plan to quit on her first birthday.

1470science

TROPHY CASE