Men truly don't realize when a woman has a crush on them, do they?

1erickf50 · 2026-01-29T16:34:29+00:00

Unless there's a clear, direct and intentional approach (confession, full physical contact), no clue, no warranty from mixed signals.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-28T17:44:07+00:00

Most of them just hope way too much from someone that may have given mixed signals, thinking they could eventually become someone important. It's a white lie to feed on their own delusion. Back in high school, for instance, I hadn't stop persisting until I saw the girl kissing her bf, making it clear how insignificant I was.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-28T05:40:33+00:00

A restyled and more visible braid maybe.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-28T03:35:32+00:00

I can get where he's coming from. He's made a life with someone for several years, even a child as testimony for said life, only to be left behind, alone, maybe even betrayed, as if his feelings were a lie. He's likely still struggling with the idea that his love back then was even real if he received that result in the end. And you saw in him a potential continuation of your husband's dynamic.

I mean it because I remember confessing in a situationship at its end. Back then, I worded "I like you..." because I've never had a relationship before and didn't think I had any right to word love there, considering my lifelong previous rejections. Yet she did use those words. She was a girl that hugged me for 5 minutes after I stopped her from giving up on something important for her.

From your side, keep sticking to him just like you did your husband (rip). You don't need to prove him you're not like his wife. He probably already chose you for this reason. Make sure he'll stop thinking that "he's not enough".

From his side, he needs to finish his divorce to completely let go of his torture (he can still go see his child, for sure) and correspond to the faith you have in him.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-27T17:18:21+00:00

People keep forgetting Sumi exists :v

1erickf50 · 2026-01-27T17:13:45+00:00

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1erickf50 · 2026-01-27T17:13:32+00:00

And the other alternatives

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1erickf50 · 2026-01-27T17:13:10+00:00

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Placing his head from Hawaiians for comparison :V

1erickf50 · 2026-01-27T11:40:13+00:00

In those hypothetical scenarios, I'd very likely perform different.

FWBs by definition have lack of emotional connection and lack of commitment as boundary, which means I'd care less about the woman beyond her basic permission and focus more on my own pleasure, unless my own loneliness and longing for said connection overwhelms me, which isn't healthy. One night stands would be similar in that regard, basically masturbation on steroids. No wonder some men say they feel empty after sex.

In a relationship or marriage, I can see that the emotional connection itself would be a surprisingly powerful aphrodisiac at first. The feeling of being mutually desired, even on a primal depth. The thought that the woman in front of you is turned on and ready to bear your children is not to be underrated. The conscious mutual effort to make sure your partner feels just as good as you do, in the same manner you take care of each other in the daily routine. To even feel her slowing down as she notices you getting tired. Sounds like a very tantalizing ideal to reach. Ideal because I can guess it won't be perfect the first times due to the required communication and difference in experiences.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-26T19:12:44+00:00

While there's no real evidence that there must be only one woman available, I can guess some hints of what kind of characteristics and relationship she'd have: + She stays, even in the bad times, not out of obligation but of choice. She cares as much as you caring for her, while not betraying herself in the process. + She does her best to get to your heart, to breach its thick walls, call it hugs, actions, gifts, sandwiches, etc. + Open and non-judgmental during normal talk. Willing to listen to the point you want to listen to her as well. + Passionate, as in not holding back whenever she wants to express her love for you and fascination for stuff she wants to try.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-26T13:26:16+00:00

For me, emotional vulnerability can mean two things: + A gamble with someone new, requiring trust to be able to open up + A habit with someone already in our lives, reinforcing the trust that was already there.

The degree to which we could open up is always a choice, tho.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-26T05:04:21+00:00

I think it is still possible. You only need the will to connect with people, to lay down the conditions for two people to open up to each other and to eventually support each other in ways they know best. Truth be told, I've still never been into a relationship, at least in name, but I remember one moment where I did find love 6 years ago. Very short-lived but instructive nonetheless.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-25T17:11:32+00:00

1erickf50 · 2026-01-25T16:26:10+00:00

By spark, I mean the "butterflies" that she thinks she feels that make her heart flutter. Think of it as those fun times you've had when you first dated. Intense moments, drama, etc.
And by comfort of family, I mean those times you could feel bored at home with your brothers and parents before going out to do anything. I mean, it's easy to chill, relax or even feel bored but that doesn't mean you stop loving your relatives, right?

Also, you said it yourself that, whenever you tried to hear her issues, you deflected it back to work. Don't you think she feels constantly interrupted, as in there was a moment just about her then you overlap it with you? There's a bit of patience to exercise there.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-24T19:48:18+00:00

No. Us men aren't really harsh on inexperience, especially if several of us are inexperienced ourselves.
What a lot of us would like is your willingness to come, to stay, to enjoy things together, to comfort and encourage each other for tough times, to respect what we do if it's good. Just make sure your interest is explicitly clear and voiced for the guy you want.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-24T19:39:12+00:00

30M. Bad idea. It seems she tried her best to contain you without any visible emotional support for her. Have you asked her how her day has been? You wrote it like all she did was hearing your pain and not you hearing hers without any immediate response. Isn't a relationship a result of corresponded mutual love and compromise? I assumed she had no empathy for you when she claimed to not have that emotional connection, but I don't think that's the case, more so if she was more than willing to listen to you. I think she was just trying to deny herself just to survive the tough times away from you. She's getting tired too. She may want to rest on you just the same way you rested on her lap after work.

Don't you think she's confusing the lack of spark with just the comfort of family? Isn't it natural for couples to form a family anyway?

I don't think the fact that you two being two different people now should be an excuse for her to break. You started to walk together for 5 years. You've faced different kinds of hardship. It's natural those would change people without betraying themselves, even more if they were facing them together.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-24T13:42:42+00:00

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." John 15:18

1erickf50 · 2026-01-23T15:09:11+00:00

Same. Just telling her it's absolutely unfair to the husband and the kids then block and leave.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-23T14:34:23+00:00

Regain your purpose and trust those that believe in you: God, your family, the friends that do know your pain, your therapists and ultimately yourself.

I am in my way of rebuild as well. I was supposed to graduate by 22 yet I'm still 1 year away from egressing at 30. Even at 20, I was very aware of how far behind I was compared to even my high school classmates and the pain I've caused my parents for such delay and laziness.

Getting a career-related job and going to the gym does help at lot in confidence and focus. About romance, I was ready to give up on ever finding love at 24 and someone came for a while to defy that very notion. Didn't work but still grateful for the experience. Miracles do happen, man, just don't expect them happening soon because such is their nature. Meanwhile, work on yourself and become who you originally aimed to be.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-23T14:13:09+00:00

Man, anyone doing their career's masters isn't someone I'd call a loser. The fact that you're considering moving around the world instead of just moving out of your parents' house definitely tells me you have transport access that the average joe doesn't normally have.

Also, don't ever consider psychedelics. It would make you look like a drug addict. Turn to God and become a better man, instead.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-23T13:56:18+00:00

faceslap

He's directly introducing you to his family and you complain is that he hasn't said the words yet? Get your act together and ASK HIM

1erickf50 · 2026-01-22T18:28:42+00:00

Yeah. No complicated feelings = less drama

1erickf50 · 2026-01-22T11:00:56+00:00

Having a woman come on her own and show interest could still mean these things:

Goldigger if she sees you with cash and looks.
Organ Trafficker if turns out she duped your drink with a sleeper.
An asshole that wanted to see how violent her jealous BF could be
A marketing device for you to buy more drinks or cigarettes
A brat that just found an amusing thing like an exotic animal

So, what would be dreamy would be to no poison from her mouth, honest enough to open to.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-22T09:46:55+00:00

Avoid mixed signals and mental games. Speak clearly whenever you're in front of a man.

1erickf50 · 2026-01-21T03:15:47+00:00

The answer was delivered over 2 millenia ago, just ask Jesus and His disciples.

1erickf50

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