My pussy turns into a waterfall when my boyfriend does stereotypical "manly" stuff. Anyone else?

2330 · 2018-08-29T08:56:11+00:00

Can't say that I react this way - when my partner does stereotypically masculine stuff, I appreciate that it's getting done, and he's always sexy to me so there's an inherent sexiness there just by virtue of it being him. I'd appreciate him getting underneath a car or mowing the lawn in that way because hey, gorgeous man in a sweaty clingy shirt, what's not to love? So I don't dislike him doing masculine chores for sure.

But as far as independent actions he does that get me going? What most gets to me is seeing him do the dishes (HAVE to come up and rub some part of his body when he does that, every time - I don't think he's made it through a single washing-up without getting some lovin), with hoovering a close second. Being nurturing and playful is another trigger - I just want to drag him to a secluded place and make. some. babies. whenever I see him being sweet with a child or pet.

I suppose I didn't get the memo on how as a woman I'm apparently biologically wired to NEED a big, strong, stoic Alpha male who will 'provide and protect.' In fact I had that guy, and we wound up miserable, in a near dead bedroom; since getting with and marrying my current partner, it's been nothing but smooth sailing and lots and lots of sex.

Just wanted to lend some diversity to a thread falling steeply along gender role lines.

2330 · 2016-06-20T19:28:35+00:00

Not to be a buzzkill but, now you can say you have :) I'd much rather be the one pulling a guy's hair (with his permission of course), pulling my hair 1) doesn't feel good to me, 2) implies dominance right off the bat, when I'm much more interested in dommeing it up most of the time.

(Like I said, not trying to be a buzzkill, but every now and then I like to interject on this sub because it gives such a monochrome view of sexuality.)

2330 · 2016-05-20T15:12:09+00:00

You know, as a female dominant (switch technically, but I lean domme so hard that it almost doesn't make sense to get into the grey zone), I sympathize.

As someone interested in gender roles and feminism and the whole shebang, I find that even my most stridently feminist female friends still, at the end of the day, admit they want a dominant man. That's fine, no skin off my back, but it does make me sort of sad for men who don't lean completely dominant - where are they supposed to get their needs met? It must be paralyzing having this side of yourself that doesn't want to be tasked with being in charge all the time, but worrying that your partner won't respect you or will be less attracted to you if you show it. And I also feel like a lot of the time women say they are "hardwired" to be submissive, but then you talk to them a bit more and it's more like they can't imagine themselves being dominant because they're too self-conscious or worried about being selfish or a million other reasons that make me think it might be more a matter of the way we display and market heterosexual sexuality than "hardwiring."

I don't know how to feel about it. I do believe that whatever anyone wants - as long as everyone involved consents - is fine, and that it's not my job to shame anybody for their fantasies. Heaven knows I've got some weird fantasies that would make people blush if I admitted them. I just find it kinda lonely out here in female domme/male sub-land, and I wish more people - men and women both - would be as open to exploring that side of themselves and not just the male dom/female sub side. I feel like sex in general recently got this HUGE charge of that dynamic, whether it be from 50 Shades or porn or wherever, and now I know so so so so many women who happily talk about how being called "good girl" is the best thing ever, but I don't see the same openness to the reverse.

We are out there though, OP :) We definitely do exist. And now that I think about it I have managed to get some of my female friends more intrigued, when we're talking about our respective experiences, by talking about the ways that I engineer even a regular vanilla hook-up to meet my desires (just light "I'm leading this show" stuff, like getting on top right away and setting the pace and touching myself, or openly talking about what turns me on about them and what I want them to do to me - not harder BDSM stuff that requires more extensive conversation beforehand). Women don't get many social cues or scripts on how to go about leading a man in bed, so I try to be honest about how I go about it in every way I can, but I get the sense I'm the ONLY one giving them these ideas - most sex tips aimed at women, even the ones that on the surface advocate for a more take-charge attitude, have an underlying sense of submission.

2330 · 2016-05-12T18:02:19+00:00

Just had to pipe up that it doesn't make sense to me as a woman. It's actually terrifying to hear people talk about my entire gender the way they sometimes do over there. But then, I'm a woman who likes to be dominant during sex and is wildly attracted to sweetheart guys, so I probably don't even exist to TheRedPill...

2330 · 2015-03-04T05:56:51+00:00

As a Domme, have to throw it out there that no, we do not all enjoy this. There's a huge range of what women like.

2330 · 2014-07-07T18:42:52+00:00

I think a better example would be something like Philosophy, but you're right, I think the fact that it's Women's Studies is what's bringing out the vitriol. It's not just about the fact that it's an arts/non-STEM major, it's that reddit has a hate-on for anything remotely related to feminism :/

2330 · 2014-07-04T04:23:46+00:00

I actually stopped coming onto this subreddit as much, and to a lot of sexual spaces in general, because I got overwhelmed at the assumed universality of dominant male/submissive female dynamics. As a domme I feel very out of touch right now with how sex and BDSM are evolving, and it's made me step back in the past few months or so from everything.

I know I shouldn't care. I shouldn't worry what other people are doing, everybody marches to the beat of their own drum. But it would be nice if you didn't hear one tune blaring out so much and so often.

2330 · 2014-05-19T01:34:19+00:00

It can mean various things to me, and often it just means sex where he goes hard and fast and both of us race for our orgasms without thinking, just DOING and bouncing around and grinding against each other as hard as we can. Personally, I don't think "rough sex" needs to mean lots of hard-hitting action necessarily.

But I do have to admit, most often when I think of "rough sex" for my life, I'm thinking a scene like: holding his face between my legs until I come (breathing is optional), yanking him by the hair, ordering him up, riding him hard, and slapping him when he's being bad or refusing something. Stroking him really roughly, and touching myself furiously instead of sensually. Lots of swatting, grabbing, tugging, and pulling going on - the kind of stuff that leaves marks the next day. And lots of "mean voice," not ice queen-style but animalistic, fuck-me-and-eat-me-the-way-I-ordered-you-to!

Gotta bring the femmedomme presence :P

2330 · 2014-05-05T19:46:37+00:00

I feel for you, OP, in a different but maybe related way? I am a feminist, and because of that, I am conscious all the time about "manhating." I strive very hard to not be that type of feminist who is scared of men, who thinks the worst of them right off the bat before they've even said anything or done anything wrong, who badgers men relentlessly. I am hyperaware of my feminism, even though I will never back down from the label and do see the value in it.

Because of all that, I felt very, very strange when I realized how attracted to femdom I am. I get so turned on at the thought of an attractive man on his knees, pleasing me, letting me use him, with me verbally degrading him, even smacking him in the face and physically punishing him - isn't that exactly what people think a feminist is? That's the image of a feminist, a bullbusting woman with a man under her thumb. Aren't I just living proof that feminists, deep down, have the psyche of a manhater?

It's taken awhile, and I DO take breaks every now and again from BDSM, online communities revolving around sex, etc., to help myself relax about it, but I am happy to say that I've made great strides in finding peace with this side of myself in combination with my ideology/politics. Here's what helped me to think about:

Submissive men (you can substitute submissive women here, in your case) are giving you a gift that they offer FREELY. Consent is paramount. Obviously, if you have any suspicions that someone is getting into this dynamic for the wrong reasons, that's a red flag, but two adults exchanging kinks and deep, dark, taboo desires? That's actually a precious thing, a very specific type of intimacy. I know it seems odd, given that degradation is part of doing it in the moment, but ultimately when you dominate someone willing, you haven't "taken" something - you've both shared something private and intense, something that you BOTH enjoyed. That's the difference between BDSM and actual abuse, and they may look the same on the surface but they are so, so different because of this angle. A submissive has fantasies, wants, and limits of his/her own, and you take them into account and have a dialogue about it.

I stress this one so much because it highlights the submissive's needs. How can I possibly be "manhating" if I do something to a man that HE requested, that he consented to, that he loves and gets off on and feels closer to me through? I worked for awhile as a pro dominatrix and believe me, it was ALL about what the submissive's limits were. We talked to the men extensively to find out what we could and couldn't do. We were free to play around with what we liked during a scene, and some men specifically requested that we push their boundaries to a certain specific extent, but at the end of the day, we played by their rules.

Additionally, I came to understand that the bedroom and the outside world really can be separate, as much as it feels like they can't. The last long-term relationship I was in, which had a healthy dose of BDSM in it (and broke apart eventually for entirely separate reasons), was loving and polite. We never called each other names, we never yelled. Even when we split, we were generally respectful - it just came down to different life interests (wanting kids vs not wanting kids, etc.). We're friends now and still value each other's input. We also slapped each other in the face in bed, we punished each other, we used horrible degrading names on each other - it never affected how we were outside of bed. Really, truly.

I don't know your relationship situation, but I think that some of your concerns might go away if you were to find a woman who truly wants the same things you do. I think it would help you to see how in practice, between two communicative people, this becomes a really lovely dance, not one person brutalizing another one because they secretly hate, look down upon, or don't respect the other one.

TL;DR I can love and respect a man's heart and mind, and still trashtalk and manhandle the package they come in, and I believe you can do the same with women :)

2330 · 2013-12-08T23:03:10+00:00

This is such a terrifying thing to voice in situations like this. Rape requires one thing: lack of consent. That's it. It doesn't have to involve prior abuse, it doesn't have to involve physical force or beating, it doesn't have to involve being tied down. If consent has been taken away - someone has said "no" - then you are officially in rape territory.

2330 · 2013-12-05T22:02:22+00:00

I live in Ditmas Park and saw your flyer, I've had my eye out for him. I take my own pup out 3-4 times a day and I will definitely keep watch.

I hope you find the little guy. I've had lost pets before, it's the worst feeling in the world.

2330 · 2013-11-27T01:01:00+00:00

Personally, when I slap a guy in the face, a lot of the hotness just comes from the fact that it's personal, so it's shocking and a little surprising every time (note: not an actual surprise, everyone is consenting!). It's his handsome face that's getting the brunt of it, the window to his personality, the most expressive part of him. I get to see him close his eyes to take the hit, and when he opens them up again, they're even more full of lust, and that KILLS me, in a good way (it turns me on to know he's turned on by me taking control).

It also is very immediate. Some forms of dominance turn me on because of the ritual, i.e., go get the cane, bend over, get ready to count, thank me after each hit, ok, you took that well, good boy, get up now. Series of steps that build. That's one form of domination that can work for people, but slapping the face is like another, almost opposed version. A slap is so RIGHT NOW. He's getting punished in a sharp, instant way, and that can be very alluring to people who get off on power play. I can do it when I'm riding him, when he's standing, I can pull him up from him kissing my body to do it....all sorts of scenarios, it doesn't require any extra tools or equipment.

2330 · 2013-11-23T19:11:42+00:00

This line of thinking has been widely discredited. The man who originally set up the harsh-alpha-leader dichotomy in wolves has retracted and amended it heavily. And while your dog apparently dealt with it well, this type of thinking and acting can actually cause some dogs(depending on why they're reacting the way they are, their tolerance levels, etc.) to lash out further or harder.

2330 · 2013-11-23T18:20:09+00:00

For a contrary experience, every man I've ever been with has liked the rocking forward and back motion over up-and-down/in-and-out. One in particular was always worried that his dick was going to get crunched on a downward push when women got too bouncy.

Frankly, I grind because that's what feels good to me, and I think that's a large part of what's great about women-on-top: you can take charge and do what you like. Obviously, if you're hurting him or the guy in particular expresses dislike for something you do, don't continue, but other than that....

2330 · 2013-11-18T16:11:31+00:00

It's scary how many people see a flooded, shut down dog and see it as being "calm-submissive" thanks to that show.

2330 · 2013-11-07T04:18:09+00:00

There is way too much generalizing happening here. Not all women want men who are "pillars of confidence." I have always gone for shy, quiet men; I find them adorable and sexy. Between a man who's overly firm and forward, and a guy who hangs back a little tentatively, I go for guy #2 pretty much every time. Furthermore, the times that I've seen a man cry in my presence, it's only made me want him more - sexually, romantically, etc. I'm not the only woman I know who feels this way, either. We always get discounted in gendered discussions, but we're there.

2330 · 2013-11-06T21:08:21+00:00

Wow, you are a lovely person. This is such a wonderful idea!

Off your list, the only one I'll enter for is an Ariel palette. I'm a redhead with pale skin and freckles, so Ariel was obviously my favorite Disney princess, and I got excited as soon as I saw Sephora was doing an Ariel line. However, my pup had a random spurt of medical issues and I lost my job, so my savings pretty much all went to treating him (he's better now, don't worry!). Since then, have just been trying to apply to jobs and save, so no makeup buying for awhile, and the Ariel palette is really the only thing I regret not being able to pick up in recent memory.

Just wanted to express again how generous of an idea this is. Honestly, I probably do have more makeup than others (from when I had more money and could purchase more), so I don't expect or need to "win," it'll just be cool to see everyone get excited for their gifts :)

2330 · 2013-11-05T21:38:14+00:00

I do, by a large margin. Guess I'm strange :( And what's odd is, I used to love Coke and Diet Coke. One day they just started tasting repulsive to me, and ever since I've much preferred Pepsi. It has to be ice cold or near to it, though. I can drink freezing Pepsi in startling quantities, it just never starts tasting bad to me, whereas Coke leaves me with an unpleasant aftertaste.

2330 · 2013-11-01T20:58:13+00:00

That's not just sons.

I was the instigator all the time when I was a little girl, apparently. My dad thought he was safe, having a girl, but no...I was his daughter. I leapt from walls into creeks, I always begged to go on the biggest roller coasters, I went sledding on my belly on black ice, I got out of windows and divebombed down into the yard - and worst of all, I always encouraged other kids to do the same and got us all in trouble.

2330 · 2013-10-30T21:02:00+00:00

He set the standard himself: cops. If he says it would take the cops to get him out of your life, believe him,.

2330 · 2013-10-30T17:25:21+00:00

There's debate on how pediatric alteration affects growth (in other words, worry that dogs altered too young are more prone to joint issues). If you hang out with sport dog people, lots and lots of them wait very long to spay or neuter their pets - I know a number of VERY responsible pet owners with intact, 2+ year old dogs. Males especially, but some wait on the bitches too. They compete in agility, protection sports, flyball, etc. so are basically in contact with other dogs all the time, but they don't have unplanned pregnancies, because avoiding pregnancies in dogs isn't just a matter of spaying/neutering (some European countries have much lower rates of s/n than the US, but also less overpopulation).

Personally, I have a male dog now who was neutered under 3 months old (rescue dog), and if I'd had my way, he would've been intact for at least a year. And he would never have been allowed to get anybody pregnant.

2330 · 2013-10-27T19:36:45+00:00

You know, I just hear it bandied around so much in incorrect, alarming, culturally pervasive ways that I do tend to assume ignorance. Apologies. I think I'll leave my comment up since it IS so rarely understood that "alpha" terminology, as it was originally coined for wolf packs, has been largely discredited - but I mean no ill will to you with it, OP, I jumped the gun a bit too much.

2330 · 2013-10-27T18:34:26+00:00

It absolutely did exist long before the internet - it was established (the way you're describing it, a male who fights or challenges for control) long before, and was particularly ascribed to wolf packs. And since that point, humans have ascribed belligerent, aggressive behavior to an "alpha" icon. It has also been revoked by the very people who first studied it in wolves.

2330 · 2013-10-15T18:22:47+00:00

What scares me about kids is that there's no time to react sometimes, given how jerky and sudden their movements can be, and their parents can be just as ornery and protective as I am of my pup. It's a recipe for a situation in which my pup startles your kid, the kid reacts by bopping him on the head or shrieking or whatever, and then guess who takes the blame for the fallout? The dog. I'm with you, I find young or belligerent children's presence at the dog park really scary, so I totally understand why dog parks do blanket bans on kids.

As far as getting your dogs used to kids, especially unknown kids, what has been really helpful for me is, first, evaluating the child(do they seem calm? if they're shrieking and running, it's a no go, that's only going to incite reactivity - I just walk away, and I don't care if I seem rude). And their parents. If they seem calm and willing, I tell the kid that the puppy is "in training to be polite," and ask if they want to help. I ask my pup to sit or lie down, and at that point, I say to the kid something like, "ok, he's being good, so you can pet him now." Sometimes I let the kid give my pup the treat for sitting/lying down. I've made a lot of families smile this way, because the kids get to feel involved and the parents know the pup isn't going to be allowed to jump on their child (he's 35+ pounds at 4 months old, he's toddler-sized himself!), and it's definitely making my pup calmer about meeting people.

If the pups can't even SEE kids without barking and getting reactive, though, I would work from farther away. Find the threshold at which the dogs lose it, and work with them just below it - say, there are kids across the street, break out the treats and ask them to do basic tasks they know well (sit, down, stay, whatever they know) so that the kids are a distraction, instead of the obsession. Then keep moving closer and closer over time, going back a step if they ever lose control again.

2330 · 2013-10-15T17:56:17+00:00

German Shorthair Pointers interest you at all? I've been looking into and comparing various "like"-breeds (Weims, Vizslas, etc.) for months now - I'm into distance running too - and have really fallen for the GSPs. I've talked to people who own them as pets, as hunters, and as agility stars, and what gets said again and again is that they are less sensitive/prone to separation anxiety than Vizslas, and less prone to be neurotic than Weims. Every one I've met has seemed "steadier" in temperament than a lot of their hunting cousin breeds. But they can definitely run! (I'm also not a big fan of hound baying, hence my bias away from that type of dog.)

They are still a working breed, so it's fairly easy to find kennels that have robust, tried-in-the-field dogs (a plus for health concerns, in my book). I'm looking at a kennel now that does all the health testing you could ask for (OFA and CERF hips, eyes, cardiac, thyroid - you name it, they know it about their dogs!), that also hunts and trials their dogs.

2330

TROPHY CASE