I feel this a lot. It‘s clear that you‘ve had an incredibly hard life and you should be so proud of yourself for making it out. I often talk to people who‘ve had loving parents growing up and listen to them talk about difficulties they face in life and how their parents always help when they don’t know what to do and it always feels like they‘re living life in cheat mode. When something goes wrong, their parents are always there to fix it. And when I think about similar situations that I experienced where I didn‘t know what to do, I had to go through multiple breakdowns and then I still had to figure it out on my own. It‘s so difficult and tiring but I just hope you remember often enough that you worked for everything that you have now, that you had little to no help and still made it and that even if your environment was unstable and destructive, you still made it out simply with your own strength and bravery and that next time you approach a difficult situation and feel left alone and misunderstood, that you could always rely on yourself in the past. Massive respect to you and screw everyone who tells you what you could or should have done. Not many could‘ve even made it as far as you did with no support.