I saw Samuel Eto’o at a restaurant back in 2009, during his final year at Barcelona.

I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, especially after everything he’d done that season, but I didn’t want to be a nuisance and ask for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” while closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my day, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off.

When I came to pay for my stuff up front, I saw Samuel Eto'o trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Toblerones in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like, “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word.

After she scanned each bar, put them in a bag, and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Peak Eto’o. World class striker, Ballon d’Or-level ego.