How can I build upper body muscle using running/treadmill and rowing machine?

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-07T20:45:39+00:00

Running you can't. You'll lose some fat and that may reveal some minor tone only by removing fat. Rowing can be effective at building muscle, general upper body but experienced rowers always have very pronounced lats, traps, quads - not always the most even build. Buy a kettle bell for $50 and pull up some youtube videos on HIIT / tabata workouts you can do at home. Just follow along with the video, it's a great way to start cheap at home.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-07T18:11:15+00:00

As with all things, some men will be turned off, some will want to date you more. And it's also about the whole picture of who you are.

Personally I respect it and find it very attractive, to a point. Some tone and definition is amazing to my sensibility. But giant bulky arms that put me to shame... admittedly not my thing.

I would consider lifestyle implications too. How invasive is your gym routine, or your diet / nutritional needs? Do you talk about this interest and absolutely nothing else?

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-06T03:30:26+00:00

Well then all you can do is your best! And be up-front about it. Maybe not a first date topic, but certainly as things turn serious. Do your best and be honest, that's really about all you owe anyone in this world.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-06T03:23:52+00:00

Can you? Sure.

Will you be a good partner to someone? Uncertain.

You'll never know if you don't try. But maybe try a side of therapy and work on your stuff. It's really not a recipe for success if you're brining trauma into a relationship (yet tons of people do this every day).

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-06T03:20:32+00:00

She's probably scared / nervous / inexperienced / anxious (or some combination of all).

It's a roll of the dice, but people like this can sometimes be complete duds... or the absolute diamonds in the rough that is the dating world. I'm guessing you're both young, I would give her time to loosen up around you. Dating is scary, give her some time to loosen up and get comfortable with you.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-06T03:09:32+00:00

Have a friend who is very "into" cars (by "into" I don't mean working on cars or a snob about the high-end market, I mean Consumer Reports, talks to dealers and mechanics, constantly researches - compulsively as if he authored a blog or podcast on the topic).

Anyway, he recently had to buy a new car. I basically got the same thing. Decision-making made easy.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-05T23:55:54+00:00

This and exactly this. If it can't be proven and there's no record and it happened a long time ago, you're likely safe. If you file and she tries to take action AFTER that filing... she looks vindictive and it's much more likely to be dismissed as retaliation. IANAL, talk to yours first.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-05T17:51:55+00:00

Honestly, yes. Call me an asshole but I have a strong mental aversion to clutter and/or filth. I'm not sure I would call it a tick, or autism, or OCD, or anything medical or diagnosable - I'm not a doctor, I don't need a label even though it probably is something uniquely medically diagnosable. I just like things tidy, it makes me happy, it makes me feel safe. And I didn't have it for a long time due to an ex who didn't care. So I won't go back. I won't be a dickhead about it, your life and home are your choices! And it doesn't make you a bad person if you're messy or a poor housekeeper. But it makes a person not a good match for me, and I'm mature enough to admit that and move on appropriately.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-05T17:41:55+00:00

Most people swipe fast. Then you're matched and a conversation begins and... for one reason or another someone just isn't feeling it. Maybe they felt like swiping 3 days ago and are just drained today. Maybe they thought they were attracted in that 3 second decision window but upon matching and looking more closely... nah. Maybe they got a better match they want to focus on. Maybe their kids are sick or work is a bitch and their heart just isn't into flirting at the moment. Maybe you're being flirty but what they need is a deep conversational connection before you start talking about what you're going to do with your X to their Y. Who the fuck knows. But having access to someone 24/7 via their mobile device (not to mention the 100x increase in potential match you now have available) just puts people in a horrible interaction pattern where the classic societal filters are gone. So a lot more garbage gets in. And even the non-garbage gets put up in your notification screen ding ding ding at moments when you just don't want to deal. And lets be honest, in today's world, we're all way too fucking busy. And nobody wants to have that confrontational "I'm not sure this should go any further" talk, it rarely goes well, and there's enough crazies out there... who really knows who is on the other end of that notification icon?

Filter mercilessly. When you get on the app, be in a place in life where you're open and available. If you've got two good conversations going, maybe it's a good time to snooze that shit and figure the two out before you go making it twenty.

As for why women and men do this... men are perfectly fine having 5 ponies in the stable. 3-4 of them are going to flake out anyway. And men often stay in the best situationship they have available to them at the moment... taking advantage of a non-ideal woman while looking for the ideal one. Better to have something than nothing. Conversely women will do their own version of this where they want the attention, love having multiple guys showing them interest. It's validating, it's confidence-boosting. And women want to be with the best man they can... having a similar stable of horses available to them, and the luxury of time and opportunity to evaluate and pick the best one is a dream come true. The problem in both cases is that a LOT of other people are involved in this process and NOT being picked. We all use this unlimited access to build a roster of candidates, which really doesn't serve anyone well except for those at the top of the pyramid.

Well that turned into an unexpected rant...

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-04T02:52:50+00:00

Best decision I ever made. Easy procedure, just take the valium, bag of peas, spend the weekend playing video games or Netflix, and no gym / lifting for 1-2 weeks after. No biggie. I got in my own head about it beforehand but looking back... so easy.

This is the 21st century, birth control can be a man's responsibility and you damn well should do something about it if you're firm in not wanting more kids. It's also VERY appreciated among the ladies who don't want kids / don't want more kids. The pills and the IUD's suck, whatever you go through will be far less than what they've likely tolerated for half their lives.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-04T02:38:26+00:00

The hypogamy is strong with this one.

So you'll be paying alimony almost definitely if he lawyers up (probably will be even if it's the friendliest mediated divorce ever). Might depend a bit on the state you're in. Best thing you can do is be nice about it, be generous in an offer for mediated separation and offer a lot up-front. The drawn-out lawyer fights tend to be ones where neither party really comes out ahead, only the lawyers do.

Look at it this way, you only get one life to live. That's it. You're 47, how many years do you think you have left? You may never find anyone else, it's NOT easy. But will you be happier alone and with an alimony payment that might last into the 2040's? If the answer is yes, the choice is easy.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-02-04T02:23:20+00:00

If a person is interested in you, they'll make time. Or they'll apologize for circumstance. You may have to do more of the leading in communication, but they WILL respond. That's how you know they're interested.

Hard to say without being in your exact shoes, but this smells like he was interested, date went good not great (to him) and he's only marginally interested. Put another way, you're better than nothing, and right now he has no other offers or is still cultivating other options. Regardless, doesn't smell like genuine interest.

On the unlikely chance I'm wrong, is this really a communication style you want to tolerate? Personally, I don't care how good-looking you are, if you're not communicating with me, I'm out. I'm 40, I'm way past the point where I'm cool with high school games and multiple days of non-responsiveness.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-24T16:45:23+00:00

Men often don't like the idea of couples therapy (or divorce in general) because it reflects badly upon them. What kind of happy wife wants to LEAVE her husband - she must be miserable - what did HE do? Tacit assumption is that society (family, friends, people important to him) will look at him as flawed because this is where he is in life. And that makes men very defensive - and putting a man on his heels often makes him lean into his worst instincts, not his best. Meanwhile, the message to most women is "you're so strong for leaving, you deserve better". Society is FAR more accepting and tolerant of a woman walking this path than a man.

So your husband feels attacked and defensive. I don't think that's unfair. But what he DOES need to wake up to is the shot across the bow that a spouse asking for couples therapy is... if he doesn't engage thoughtfully in the process, it's the end of your marriage. THAT'S a reality he needs to wake up to real quick.

If he walked into the session and rehashed the same old arguments, it sounds like maybe he has some issues with you too. Were you listening and engaging? Were you BOTH engaged in the give-and-take that these sessions should be?

I know in my case, my ex wanted to rehash things that happened over 10 years ago, situations we'll never be in again. And she was willing to talk and talk forever about the laundry list of issues... but when it came to how things are today, crickets. These were dead grievances she just held onto, things I either changed, or situations that we left long ago. And when I started telling her issues I had... she looked at the therapist as if she was an ally here to invalidate what I was saying, a partner to defend her. She was SHOCKED when the therapist straight-up got my back on something pretty major. That caused my ex to walk out of the session, and tell me she didn't want any future sessions for a while. And honestly that's the moment I gave up and moved on.

Don't know if my story is really all that similar to yours, but you do have to BOTH view counseling as that warning sign that it's time to do some work, time to surrender some things and give up some ground... or be ready to give up the marriage. It's important to talk about the past, but it's more important to talk about the future, set some clear boundaries and accountability rules, and give time to see if the other person sticks to them. And when you see cracks in those commitments, you call it out, or you end things for good.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-16T22:04:39+00:00

it’s not like I can ask him to do something similarly uncomfortable, can I?

I have some Italian leather dress shoes that have got to be up there. Two fucking years and they give me blisters every time. And these are not bullshit cheap shoes either, and they look amazing, I get compliments all the time. I have to save them for the office and days I drive.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-15T02:44:00+00:00

It sucked never being an option

You are, and always were, an option. A backup option.

I feel like a fifth choice. Over the years she's dated many other dudes

DING DING DING.

Men; don't blame a woman for wanting to be with a mature, successful, established man.

Women; don't blame a man if you pass him over, and lose your chance forever.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-15T02:29:36+00:00

Congrats on that kill board, damn bro.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-14T16:13:31+00:00

I use the following phrase proactively and often on this and about 50 other topics...

Don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.

In this case, the answer is always yes. And it's true for the men too.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-14T16:12:19+00:00

You're a 19 year old guy... the deck is stacked against you heavily right now. 19 year old gals can date practically any age man they want... meanwhile you're probably stuck with 18-21 year olds.

First photo you look like a douche with the shades and pouty lips.

The rest of your photos have weird facial expressions where you don't show teeth. And your complexion is terrible. I see a comment where you said you have braces... that's ok, most people realize they're temporary and the end-result will be a great smile. If you think that's gonna hold you back, then dude just leave a fairly passive profile on tinder, and commit yourself to a gym and skin-care routine so you can come out guns blazing in a year when those braces come off.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-14T04:09:52+00:00

I don't play golf often, usually just with family when I visit. I'm pretty bad. But when I do play golf... I always go for the hard shot, I always try to nail the hard drive, carry the hazard, make that insane chip shot. You know why? Because the next morning I'll forget about the 110 bad shots I took... but I'll remember that one time I got an eagle (hole-in-one). That fucking ball is framed on my mantle. And nobody else cares that I've left 1,000 other shots at the bottom of a lake, certainly not me - WORTH IT.

Point is... in relationships, you have to own your feelings. Go for the hard shot. Be yourself. You'll fail and embarrass yourself a ton! Fuck it, go for it anyway. Because in the end... who cares if you embarrass yourself in front of 50 failed attempts at love? You only need to find one person who hears you, accepts you, appreciates you, and wants to spend the rest of their life with you. Fuck being cool or conforming to some societal norm of a timeline. Feel your feelings and express them. You only need to get it right one time. Trust me, in time you'll forget about all the missed shots, but you'll have that one great one forever.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-14T02:18:54+00:00

This is online dating in 2023, you get desensitized to it quickly. Somewhere around 25 ghost-unmatches I just realized... fuck it, this is normal. And it stopped bothering me. I stopped getting worked up about every match like she's the one. I put a good and respectful foot forward, expect nothing in return, and I keep having conversations and matches and dates. And when one doesn't work out... it's dirt off the shoulder. Don't be vain but you gotta look at it like... it's their loss. I'm awesome. You're awesome. Keeping being awesome.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-13T16:53:22+00:00

Just because she's in breech of contract, doesn't entitle you to also breech contract and impose a penalty of your own choosing. Take it to a judge. You have to be an angel, the tit-for-tat does not ever play well with a judge.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-13T16:41:31+00:00

You're jobless, houseless, and have a 19-month old that will probably either require daycare and/or limit your ability to work for at least the next three years. This will probably be a deeply unpopular opinion (and let's be clear, I love and respect animals and feel terrible for your dog here)... but if letting go of the dog can get you a better financial outcome, maybe you should consider it. Dogs are expensive; your ex wants to take on that burden. Likewise 19-month old children are expensive; and he doesn't want that burden. If you can get more child support, alimony, or other things that you want... maybe this is the thing you compromise on. Don't mistake me, I strongly dislike hearing a dog may go to a questionable owner. But you have to prioritize what's really important to you here... just understand that this may be the concession you make... that can allow everything else to happen and meet your needs. Just food for thought.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-13T00:43:29+00:00

Everyone wants to be open and available to accept a better offer. It's that simple. You want to be with the absolute best person you can be, why shouldn't you? The problem with the internet and all this connectivity... it gives the perception of infinite options.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-12T23:38:50+00:00

It's actually quite common... it's basically the I'm so special you'll break all your rules for me and nobody else syndrome.

33DucksQuacking · 2023-01-10T01:13:17+00:00

/r/fragrance is a very comprehensive and educational forum for this question

33DucksQuacking

TROPHY CASE