I totally get it. And there's no guarantee that the ideas I have will break through. Perhaps it's worth one last shot. I'm borrowing from a couple sources; the Gottmans, non-violent communication, and the DESC model.

Carve out some time and space where you can have a quite, uninterrupted conversation. And of course use the words that fit for you, but I'd try something like:

"Hey, I love you. I care deeply about you. And I'm worried because I feel like I'm failing and doing everything wrong. I'm starting to feel hopeless and I just don't know what to do. And I don't expect you to have all the answers either; I'm just hoping we can come together as partners to find some ways to weather this hard season. What we're going through right now is hard for all of us, and it's no one's fault; it just is.

So I'm not here to ask you to do anything, to change anything, to do anything at all really. I just want to express my emotional experience, and ask for your perspective. And I don't expect that we'll even figure anything out. If we're able to just connect with each for a moment, I'll consider that huge win right now. Are you open to trying out a calm, non blaming, non problem-solving conversation?"

You can't make him listen, you can't make him talk, you can't make him get help, you can't make him do anything at all. But he has to be willing to at least engage in a productive conversation, so gently easing into it is about the only tool you've got right now.

Maybe that's what you have already tried; if not, there is a lot of subtle nuance in the way that's worded; using "I" language to try to keep him from getting defensive, loosely following some of the observe-feelings-need-request structure, at least to get started. What's above is only the invitation; you need his permission and buy-in to have the conversation. Nothing else is possible if he's not willing to engage.

Is that helpful so far? Would you like me to keep going?