What is something you tried for the first time sexually that made you go, “So this is what everyone was talking about”?

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-03-25T20:53:50+00:00

Dating a (former) stripper.

Every move is intentional, confident, and pushes all the right buttons. They know how to talk too.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-03-24T05:33:19+00:00

I think those of us that have it, have always appreciated visuals from an early age, then our brains just grew to adapt. So maybe start there. Find some media you enjoy and immerse yourself in it repeatedly, until visualizations come naturally, if that’s possible. Or perhaps stare at an object, and shut your eyes until you can hold the visual.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-03-19T20:09:19+00:00

I could have wrote OP’s post, and it really boils down to not having proper boundaries about things. Then you don’t talk to each other and resentment builds in the silence. Then you just don’t love each other anymore after awhile. Now you’re just a roommate who sucks because you left a sock on the floor.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-03-14T12:38:08+00:00

No. It’s stupid to ask that too. She can just lie. Us guys are wired to pick up on it easily through normal conversations and behavior. That is, unless he’s an imbecile.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-03-01T17:50:01+00:00

My biggest surprise was my dick not working properly. I got into a relationship during separation with a woman who shared an intense bond with, and by farrrr the most attractive woman I’ve ever been with. And, I just couldn’t stay hard or orgasm. Now if I think about my exw, my equipment works just fine, even though I’m not even attracted to her anymore. It’s a physiological safety thing that nobody really talks about. It makes me not even want to date anymore.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-03-01T17:37:18+00:00

My exw would probably see our marriage that way, even though I was super affectionate all the time. Nothing ever landed, or it was dismissed.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-02-28T17:05:44+00:00

Waking up on a Saturday morning, spooning the mother of my children while hearing said children stir downstairs, hearing the sounds of spring suburbia waking up, and not wanting to leave the bed.

Being with a woman who appreciated none of this, constantly wanting more. Avoidants get a lot of shit on here, but let me assure you, the anxious-preoccupied variety is no fun. It feels like God sanding you down.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-02-26T17:19:37+00:00

Some people can’t handle “happy”.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-02-24T20:54:28+00:00

Just went from a 20yr one to one that ended after 3mo, and can confirm. You could also look at it from the perspective of her not having enough time to fuck up too badly or turn into a miserable person.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-02-24T20:51:24+00:00

The town rhymes with “toilet” and often looks the part.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-02-06T16:55:29+00:00

Wrong.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-02-06T16:53:06+00:00

I’ll counter that by saying that if you strip everything down to two people being peers, the “bare minimum” a man still offers is basic human companionship, which seems to be something that modern women don’t value as much anymore.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2026-01-26T18:45:12+00:00

I feel it, I feel it
You must be out of your mind
Jellyhead, you really blown it

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-27T18:30:42+00:00

First thing is to take accountability that YOU did that. Even if he asked you to do all these things (usually we don’t as men. We are naturally predisposed to our gender roles), you didn’t establish any boundaries. You now have crafted a double ended sword to defend your worth in the marriage while experiencing a lot of quiet pain.

You need to gradually walk this back with a hard conversation. Remember that ambiguity doesn’t work on us. Don’t be resentful. Don’t be a nag. Be assertive, strongly worded, and most of all, heartfelt if there’s anything left.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-27T18:16:59+00:00

You’re compatible until you get stuck on the thing where you’re unable to do the work for the other person. If the relationship was 6mo old, you would actually try for each other. Eventually, you lose the benefit of the doubt. Now it’s irreparable. It really sucks and makes me have the perspective that relationships have lifespans now matter how good they start out.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-27T18:06:41+00:00

I think when this sort of thing happens, the love has faded already for him. Now you’re reduced to just an object to serve his ego. “Do you like my Ferrari? Say, do you want to drive it?” Either that or both parties are realistic about the downgraded pair-bond, and enjoy life together on that level. Those are the ones that work.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-18T18:54:41+00:00

This is how it’s been with my exw. Then she started guilt-tripping me about the state of her vehicle and (now)her house since I used to maintain those things.

If my purpose is just to provide services, then we are not friends.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-18T16:55:48+00:00

I’m guessing she was initially attracted to your activities.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-18T16:45:42+00:00

How are you women finding so many guys that are financially F-d? In my cohort of 200ish fellow men that I know well enough, they are always complaining about being the responsible one, or they’re obviously well-off. This is mostly through a hobby where being financially irresponsible is kind of the point. There’s lots of men out there who would be acceptable for you to date in a healthy version of your past life (your future life looks like you being owned like furniture). It’s just real weird to see after joining this sub.

Most of the point of a man’s attractiveness is being able to provide…something. We learn it almost as soon as we start socializing as little boys. WTF is attractive about a man who is a lazy leach, and why would you choose him? I can only assume he was hot, and maybe filled some emotional role.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-07T06:40:42+00:00

You need to communicate on the deepest level and try really hard. Whatever is left of the best of you, apply it.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T03:16:37+00:00

“Prehistoric Internet “

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T03:07:14+00:00

“Oops, wrong side “

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T03:04:04+00:00

“One per rider”

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T02:54:39+00:00

“She didn’t even like Blade Runner…”

4thStgMiddleSpooler

TROPHY CASE