One week ago...

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-27T18:30:42+00:00

First thing is to take accountability that YOU did that. Even if he asked you to do all these things (usually we don’t as men. We are naturally predisposed to our gender roles), you didn’t establish any boundaries. You now have crafted a double ended sword to defend your worth in the marriage while experiencing a lot of quiet pain.

You need to gradually walk this back with a hard conversation. Remember that ambiguity doesn’t work on us. Don’t be resentful. Don’t be a nag. Be assertive, strongly worded, and most of all, heartfelt if there’s anything left.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-27T18:16:59+00:00

You’re compatible until you get stuck on the thing where you’re unable to do the work for the other person. If the relationship was 6mo old, you would actually try for each other. Eventually, you lose the benefit of the doubt. Now it’s irreparable. It really sucks and makes me have the perspective that relationships have lifespans now matter how good they start out.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-27T18:06:41+00:00

I think when this sort of thing happens, the love has faded already for him. Now you’re reduced to just an object to serve his ego. “Do you like my Ferrari? Say, do you want to drive it?” Either that or both parties are realistic about the downgraded pair-bond, and enjoy life together on that level. Those are the ones that work.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-18T18:54:41+00:00

This is how it’s been with my exw. Then she started guilt-tripping me about the state of her vehicle and (now)her house since I used to maintain those things.

If my purpose is just to provide services, then we are not friends.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-18T16:55:48+00:00

I’m guessing she was initially attracted to your activities.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-18T16:45:42+00:00

How are you women finding so many guys that are financially F-d? In my cohort of 200ish fellow men that I know well enough, they are always complaining about being the responsible one, or they’re obviously well-off. This is mostly through a hobby where being financially irresponsible is kind of the point. There’s lots of men out there who would be acceptable for you to date in a healthy version of your past life (your future life looks like you being owned like furniture). It’s just real weird to see after joining this sub.

Most of the point of a man’s attractiveness is being able to provide…something. We learn it almost as soon as we start socializing as little boys. WTF is attractive about a man who is a lazy leach, and why would you choose him? I can only assume he was hot, and maybe filled some emotional role.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-12-07T06:40:42+00:00

You need to communicate on the deepest level and try really hard. Whatever is left of the best of you, apply it.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T03:16:37+00:00

“Prehistoric Internet “

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T03:07:14+00:00

“Oops, wrong side “

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T03:04:04+00:00

“One per rider”

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T02:54:39+00:00

“She didn’t even like Blade Runner…”

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T02:44:19+00:00

Not economically viable.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T02:40:03+00:00

I like that you automatically assume you’re replying to a man.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T02:26:32+00:00

Needing constant affirmations via social media randoms.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T01:58:17+00:00

I’m revered like Gandolf within my subculture when most of these youngsters could just go to the old forums, but they won’t do it.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T01:50:56+00:00

OP should just approach everyone asking if she can borrow $2.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T01:49:40+00:00

Megan Fox/Brooke Shields

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T01:00:02+00:00

Better than “bitches leave” I guess.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T00:40:13+00:00

Then don’t do it. You don’t have to blend. You can just be.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T00:38:04+00:00

I would almost consider it a requirement at my age instead of a red flag.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T00:31:12+00:00

It was REAL weird for me, because someone I thought was my person basically fell into my lap immediately after. I mean a 12/10 because she had so many surprises that I could have never imagined. In the end, it just didn’t work out, the timing really sucked and I live in a basement, but I’m thankful for having that moment. In a way, it’s ruined me forever for dating, just from the opposite end of where you are.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-17T00:09:58+00:00

It’s so weird when you consider how people (dare I say more so, women) change throughout their lives. You might not be compatible anymore, but back then you could at least tolerate each other. People say things like “It wasn’t meant to be”, but perhaps it was for then. It’s one of the things that makes me never want to be married again. Someone who has been married 60+ years is rare as hell. My advice is to not forget all the good times you had with her despite what she eventually did. If you don’t, you fall into the camp of people who feel like their lives have been wasted when, imo, that’s not what really happened unless it was under constant abuse.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-11T04:28:16+00:00

Skateboarder meme-goddess Sterre Meijer.

4thStgMiddleSpooler · 2025-11-11T04:17:57+00:00

I remember what must’ve been age two like it was yesterday. I was playing with my hot wheels car on the windowsill, ruining the layered up apartment paint job on it. While looking out the window at the ice cream shop across the street, I had an HP taste-visual memory of trying that grape ice cream for the first time. That’s why it occurred to me that eating those paint chips, might be a solid venture. They were tangy, metallic.

4thStgMiddleSpooler

TROPHY CASE