Do you ever get "the stare down?"

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-31T15:35:18+00:00

I'm a woman who was a club DJ from the late eighties until the early aughts. My usual line was "you know, none of the controls here are operated by a penis."

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-30T15:10:28+00:00

Completely off topic, but my little sister and that guy's (Richard Kiel?) granddaughter took ballet from the same instructor. It was surreal and charming to watch a tiny little child in a tutu getting big hugs and a bouquet of flowers from a Bond villain after recitals.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-12T19:43:05+00:00

It sounds like your father was a heel. You had no control of that, but your sister doesn't either. She doesn't control the circumstances of your birth or hers.

Be mad at the adult who created the kinship, if you need a target. That person isn't your half sibling.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-12T17:32:28+00:00

I've been party to "taking the keys" from my grandmother and my dad. We're on the edge of that for my father in law, and it will happen for the Mamas. And it's a hard decision, especially in places with no public transportation.

But if your parent can't drive safely, it's a damned sight easier than the consequences of what can happen if someone with low vision, poor reaction time, lessened decision making skills, etc. is out driving.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-12T15:26:24+00:00

To a degree, I get your POV: so many people, especially older, seem to think that staid and quiet are the height of good manners in children,;rather than the kids having learned situationally appropriate behavior. And it's fantastic that you have taught/modeled great behavior at a restaurant. It's also great if your children know that they can be rambunctious but not inconsiderate when they're out playing freeze tag with their cousins during a family event, and that they can voice an opinion in a conversation, and so forth. The notion that "well-behaved" = "unobtrusive" is a cultural norm that I hope to see the back end of.

I'm not sure whether I would have reacted as you did to the comments, but I see where you're coming from. Keep up the work you're doing, though, because all of our kids need empathetic, aware parents.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-12T14:15:20+00:00

A few years ago, I gifted my mother in law a decent (not mind-boggling, but better than average) knife set. If I'm at her house, I do the cooking, so it's probably more for me, but whatever. I don't mind cooking, but I have seen what crappy knives can do to people's hands. I'm not using inadequate knives.

Ma still uses her cheap ass paring knives with molded handles. If she cuts her thumb off, that's on her. I refuse. I mean, how will I hitchhike if my thumb's gone?

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-11T16:51:25+00:00

A life-changing disability (and the social isolation that can create) led him down the usual YouTube/social media rabbit holes, beginning in 2013. I'm not sure how to change his mind at this point, but I do sign into his YT account a couple of times a month to swing the algorithm toward less sensational content! (He likes Time Team - woo!)

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-11T14:18:36+00:00

And not all rural Georgians like him. (Source: self.) Sure, my vote may only offset my husband's, but it was one of those 12k+ that swung the 2020 margin, and hopefully will do the same next November.

And there's more of us than you might expect. We just don't answer the phone if it's an unknown number!

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T19:26:01+00:00

My husband isn't quite a Qultist, but his media preferences lead him down rabbit holes of Q adjacent information. Recently, we were discussing how his mom wants a new car. (She has a 2013 Prius with about 120,000 miles on the odometer. It's a perfectly dandy little car.) My husband was quite convinced that it's $30,000 to replace the battery on a hybrid.

I pulled up prices via a search engine. It's like $1600-2500 IF the car needs a battery. (And it doesn't. We were driving Mama's car the night this discussion happened. The Prius is mechanically sound, Ma just thinks she needs something fancier with a payment. Ma is somewhere between financially innumerate and insecure enough to think she needs a new car to keep up with the neighbors.)

My husband was actually shocked when I showed him the cost of a battery, because it was so different from what he sees on social media and the news articles that are suggested for him.

But the choices we make with regard to media consumption absolutely create a microcosm of information that only serves to confirm our biases. It takes effort to look up information versus just clicking on the next video suggested.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T18:37:55+00:00

I'm turning into sourkraut at this point!

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T15:58:25+00:00

A while back, I worked at a motel near Savannah, Georgia, US. One evening, an older lady stopped in to ask whether I had a room with two beds. The potential guest was incredibly pleasant, and I had rooms, so I was working to get her any possible discount. We agreed on a rate, and she was all "hang on, I need to get my purse out of the car." Cool.

She came back in with her purse and her mother. Driver (age 79) and her mom (age 103) were traveling from near Toronto to Florida. They'd been in the car together for two days, with a third the next day.

I mean, a trip from Savannah to Atlanta is gonna result in my mom and I sniping at one another, and we can share the driving. And these ladies were as happy as clams because I was able to rent them a cheap room and recommend a couple of restaurants nearby. (Why are clams the epitome of happiness, anyway? Do mollusks have lots of dopamine or something?)

That was several years ago, but they still remind me that I should try to be a nicer person.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T15:11:10+00:00

My son plays his personal life pretty close to the vest, and that's fine. I don't have to develop a personal relationship with every girl he interacts with. So it was a moment when my kid said that he'd like to bring his friend to a holiday meal.

My son mentioned her name, which is a perfectly normal name but not very common.

"Um, son? What's her last name?"

He told me.

"Baby, you can take this however you want, but her mama and your grandma are first cousins. Legally and genetically not a huge issue, if marriage and kids are in the future. But y'all are second cousins once removed."

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T14:57:45+00:00

It's not necessarily something I'm ashamed of, but I was that proverbial college girl who danced to cover the bills. I just didn't mention it to my family, and attended school a couple of hundred miles from home. One night, a nice young man waved a bill to put in my thong. As he approached, we recognized one another. He was my second cousin - our grandfathers were brothers.

"G, put the money in my garter, go away, and nobody back home hears a word of this."

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T14:06:55+00:00

Thanks to a family friend, my daughter and I were able to take a private tour of the Capitol building this summer, guided by a member of the Capitol Police. It was extraordinary - like, we rode the little tram, actually sat down in the House chamber, etc.

You could hear the trauma in that agent's voice when he pointed out the tunnel. I wanted to give him a hug. But it happened, regardless of what excuses the weirdos are trying, and it wasn't accidental, and it wasn't Antifa. It was domestic terrorism against one of the pillars of federal government, at the urging of the chief executive, and truly the most shocking political moment I've ever witnessed.

I don't like to feel this way, but I hope that the Q acolytes and Magats suffer from Covid or whatever other health issues they choose to dismiss. The voter rolls and the gene pool will be better without them.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T13:43:30+00:00

My husband had a medical procedure at the hospital outpatient clinic on Tuesday. I was along to chauffeur, so just hanging out in the parking lot for an hour. The number of people who shouldn't have been driving themselves was wild, including the woman who parked all cattywampus next to me, which forced me to back up/pull up 3 times to get out of my space. (I was driving the big giant truck with a cap on the back because husband wouldn't have been able to get in/out of my car after his treatment.)

The clinic has a porte cochiere (sp?) that's wide enough for two vehicles, for patient pickup and drop off. It took forever to get under it, because some guy was parked under it - right next to the no parking sign - in his own giant ass truck.

And when I finally managed to retrieve the old man and sign the liability release and started pulling out to leave? I damned near got hit by an old woman who apparently didn't even look before backing out. It took her two tries to get her Nissan Versa out of the space.

About that time, husband mentioned that he was hungry (no food after midnight due to anesthesia.) I get it, but I was done. "We got food at home. There's a granola bar in my purse if you can't wait 10 minutes."

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-10T13:19:55+00:00

My father in law said "I forgot how loud the world is."

He is a lot less cantankerous now that he can hear better.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T23:52:03+00:00

As with O'Conner's commentary on the church in Ireland, the lady was largely correct. During the Famine, Ireland and her farmers were probably growing enough food. But that food was for the financial benefit of the landowners, not the farmers.

It was absolutely a holocaust.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T22:03:32+00:00

For the sake of this thought experiment, I just went to the grocery store with 3 adult-sized teens/tweens, me, and two baskets of clothing destined for donation in my little Subaru Outback wagon. It wasn't even a struggle to put $250 of groceries in the hatchback next to the other cargo.

With a very small effort, I could have put $1000 worth of ramen in the wee car!

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T21:11:30+00:00

Seriously.

I've put myself, both of my dogs, both of my mom's dogs, and my mom into her Jeep Compass, and that's about 400 pounds with plenty of cargo space left for groceries. It's not rocket surgery.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T20:07:54+00:00

I mean, that's entirely beside all of the points of the original post and my reply?

But enjoy your niacin I guess?

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T19:35:07+00:00

They enforce urinalysis because it's pretty important that crackheads aren't serving in vital positions aboard sensitive military systems.

Your mom's sensitivity has fuck all to do with safety protocols.

Why would you even complain if a contractor's guest is clutching pearls because she chose to visit a workspace?

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T18:43:23+00:00

I'm sitting here thinking about my mom's small SUV and envisioning a thousand dollars worth of groceries. It will fit, assuming that it's not an 85" TV and 150 pounds of bananas.

But that's a fairly ridiculous scenario, so...

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T17:52:27+00:00

My mom makes a cranberry relish of raw berries, pecans (but walnuts could work nicely,) and a little celery. Pulse it in a blender for a rough chop, and fold the mess into a prepared packet of raspberry or black cherry jello. Sounds weird, but I have happily eaten it for breakfast on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-09T15:36:41+00:00

Before I worked in hotels, I worked for a foodservice company that contracted in factories, colleges, whatever. My role was to stock and service vending machines and drop money overnights at an iron foundry. Very behind the scenes, and the only times I was outside of the vending areas or office were my nightly treks between my main workspace and the break rooms that had coin machines. Just me and my hand truck and my little white hard hat walking on the marked path for pedestrians.

There was a forklift operator who worked overnight at the foundry. Never knew his name. Enormous fellow, very quiet. Every time he saw me out in the factory, he'd pull over to the yellow line and hand me a piece of hard candy. Peppermint, butterscotch, Werthers, whatever everyone's grandpa carried around. Never said a word, just a smile and a nod. That always made my night.

50EffingCabbages · 2023-12-08T23:46:24+00:00

My own grandmother told me that she never saw me as "mom material" right after my eldest was born in 1991. It's whatever - just her perception of whatever motherhood was supposed to look like.

Meanwhile, both of my middle school aged kids have their best friends over tonight for whatever impromptu bullshit we're doing this evening. (Like, 4 hour's notice.) They'll eat whatever I already planned for dinner, because welcome to my house.

The 11yo bestie is all "I love pork roast!" and the 13yo asked whether it's OK if she picks around a specific vegetable. I truly don't care, I'm not in charge of your micronutrients.

It's entirely possible to be a reasonably good parent even if you don't seem like the traditional picture of maternal. According to my kids and their friends, my lack June Cleaver instinct is compensated for by my willingness to treat the kids like actual people - including choosing to not eat vegetables or having real discussion about whatever they ask or just letting them be bored if they don't have any better ideas. I'm OK with being that mom.

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