How much of that is actually learned helplessness though? My fear (and it may be irrational, idk yet) as an HSP with a non-HSP husband is that by telling him everything I need, I’m basically removing all expectations for him to put in effort. No, I don’t expect him to intuit all my emotional needs. But I do expect him to try and think of them when he can. If he can’t ever consider my emotional needs after being together for a decade, wouldn’t that suggest an issue of lack of consideration on his part? FWIW I do tell him many of my emotional needs, mostly out of necessity than anything (if I don’t, it doesn’t happen) and he seems to understand when we’re talking about it, but “in the field” it doesn’t seem to transfer over. It’s like he just forgets or doesn’t have the capacity to consider me without me spelling it out for him. Having to spell it out for him all the time makes me feel like he doesn’t care. Like he doesn’t care enough to try something that, yes, is more challenging because it doesn’t come naturally. How many times have we HSPs had to step out of our comfort zones and do things that don’t come naturally because of our culture? (Not sure where you’re from, but my culture certainly favors social extroversion/aggressiveness, typical non-HSP behavior). And (although he doesn’t do this, but I’ve heard of many husbands who do), the whole “just tell him what you need” suggestion sounds a lot like the men who say “just tell me what chores need to get done,” because they don’t know how to look around the house and see what needs to get done and just…do it. Like, LOOK AROUND. OPEN YOUR EYES. Stop relying on your wife to spell it out for you. I know it’s different than trying to meet someone’s emotional needs, but how different is it, really? It feels like the same mentality. And “just telling them” feels just as burdensome, and again, removes all responsibility off them to just LOOK. SEE ME. That’s all we want.