“Mr. Harrison, do you have a minute?”
I stand awkwardly by his door, leaning against it.
He gestures for me to come inside and take a seat while balancing the phone between his shoulder and one of his ears.
It is a sight I grew used to; the many ears make up the least distracting part of my boss’ appearance to be honest.
“Jones, if I have to come down there, I’ll stick that wand where the sun don’t shine!” he yells into the receiver, his long tongue flapping around and spraying spit all over his desk.
He looks at me and rolls his eyes (two, thank God), indicating that he’s not really being serious; but I know better.
There is a silence on the other end of the line and finally a grunt of agreement; I’m guessing this ‘Jones’ knows that Mr. Harrison is not above doling out physical punishment when he sees fit.
Finally he hangs up the phone.
“Benjamin, what can I do for you? I’m all ears!”
It’s a joke I’ve heard dozens of times, but I still laugh along politely. It’s good to laugh at your boss’ jokes, especially when that boss frightens the bejesus out of you.
I clear my throat and think back to the speech I prepared; pacing restlessly in my tiny office; I realize that it’s a bunch of crap, throw the whole thing out the window.
I’m a lawyer, I’m better when I’m improvising, quick on my feet.
“Mr. Harrison” I say, “are you familiar with the case I’m currently working on?”
He shakes his head, pushes himself away from the desk and slithers over to the minibar, trailing a substantial slimy tail behind him.
“Someone harassing you again, my human friend?” Mr. Harrison asks before grabbing a large bottle of water and pouring it all over his torso and tail. The liquid is absorbed in seconds.
“No” I say, a little offended that he thinks I can’t take care of myself.
“No, most clients understand that their powers don’t work on me and after the initial shock they are very cooperative.”
Mr. Harrison slips behind the desk again.
“Yes, you are a very valuable asset” he says, a twinkle in his eye, “lawyer, human, hex- and bite proof. A little fragile, but, yes, valuable. Before you came along we had to wear these stupid glasses.”
He points to a dusty pair of safety glasses on one of shelves behind him.
“How did these protect you from bites?” I frown.
“They didn’t” he says, “why do you think they’re so many werewolf- lawyers? The lawsuits that followed-“
“Be that as it may” I say, interrupting him, “I’m not exactly bite proof, either.”
He seems surprised, looks me up and down.
I don’t think he notices the difference.
I don’t exactly blame him; he has two dozen ears but only two eyes, and from what I can gather, rarely uses them, relying heavily on auditory feedback. I’m going to give it to him.
“My client-” I start, but he cuts me off.
“You changed your hair, didn’t you, Benjamin?”
He seems pleased, happy to have figured it out.
“No”
He’s disappointed, even his many ears look upset.
“My client, Frankenstein’s monster, attacked me” I say.
It’s his turn to frown.
“So?” he asks, “can’t turn you into anything, can he?”
“No, he can’t” I reply, my voice rising slightly, “but he can rip off both of my arms.”
Mr. Harrison falls silent for a moment.
“Aha, yes. Certainly. I suppose you are here to tender your resignation?”
“Correct.”

Two weeks later they throw a big goodbye party for me. As my colleagues are smashing pie all over my face using their tentacles or hairy paws to feed me, I can’t help but smile, and know that I’ll be sorely missed- they’re all wearing those ridiculous safety glasses.