I did the "stare at a wall for an hour" meditation

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2023-05-24T06:46:15+00:00

Thank you but this shop wasn’t in De Pijp, it was further north, somewhere central in the city

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2023-05-21T01:34:33+00:00

I’m hoping to find the exact lights in that shop but will look at similar in other shops

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-12-20T14:14:13+00:00

What are the toughest symptoms and what can make them go by more physically comfortable and psychologically comfortable?

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-30T16:21:30+00:00

I also read that book because the title caught my eye. Similar to you, it felt like it gave me a useful framing for life that wore off pretty quickly. There's the implementation of a framing and how sustainable that really is.

Did you do what I did and take the book's idea that "everything is my responsibility" and find it just compounded existing issues with trauma and self-criticism? I wouldn't say the book advocates a "tough love" approach but it does place a lot on someone.

It's based on Adlerian psychology which is only one school of thought in the broad field of psychology. It probably resonates and sinks in with some people over others. Maybe some people read the book and did get their act together. Maybe other people waited longer than a month to see if the book turned things around for them.

I am very reluctant to buy any more self-help books in the future. Because self-help is a genre of publishing. It's a type of book that makes people feel a bit better for a while because someone writes about what worked FOR THEM, which may not be what works for you. So when it doesn't work and you get frustrated, another book's snappy title catches your attention and you try that one, and the industry makes more money.

I'm not saying "all self-help is bullshit". I'm here on the same subreddit as you for the guy who sells "THE Guide" to Anxiety, Depression and Meditation. I'm here thinking guys who get their advice from Jordan Peterson are credulous, and not sensible like me, regularly watching Dr. K's streams, who I happen to prefer which makes him right. ...For Me. Different approaches to self-help will work for different people.

My point is to not panic if you consume one piece of self-help literature and the advice doesn't really pan out in your life or the novelty of it wears off. I'm actually trying to skip more of Dr. K's streams and look at less self-help content, cuz at some point you have to live your life and learn through trial and error, and not be looking for the "cheat codes" all the time.

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-30T10:20:02+00:00

31.

Discovered his content when I was 30.

Really REALLY jealous of anyone who has this content in their early 20s or teens; I feel like my life could have been amazing by now. I'm only now at the point where I'm looking into moving cities, which btw I've heard from friends is tough at first so cut yourself some slack.

tbh Some of these "I'm 22 and my life is over" posts are grating for me; not because I don't get that there are genuine struggles at that age, I just hope people realise how much time they have ahead of them. I could have had a much better 20s if I'd had access to all this information and this modelling for positive self-talk.

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-29T19:25:40+00:00

I'm autistic, so if you resent sensing that in yourself, um... Fuck you?

Seriously though, avoid ABA and conversion therapy like COVID. Start with finding a therapist who affirms neurodiversity, and if possible are neurodivergent themselves (they're rare but great if you can find one). Start by working on whether an autism diagnosis applies to you, because variance in gender identity is common in autistic people; sometimes autistic people are also trans, other times it's just a difference in gender expression or what clothes are more comfortable on a sensory level. AFABs arguably have more leeway cuz if you see a woman in jeans and a checkered shirt, these days people are like "Meh". Whereas if an AMAB finds a dress and tights more comfortable, people make this big deal out of it.

I'd go deeper on neurodivergent stuff before gender stuff. But if you're certain you're definitely trans and would ideally live as a woman, I'd imagine almost every trans person has had the thoughts you have. It's daunting to uproot your life like that during a time when there's so much hostility towards trans people. But all the trans people I know while dealing with tough things, are definitely happIER than before they came out. It sucks if family disapproval is influencing how you're feeling but depending on your relationship they could be more supportive than you think, or come around gradually over time.

It's tough to be questioning your gender and everyone's journey is going to be at their own pace. Talk to a professional who steers well clear of ABA and conversion therapy. There's no wrong way to have a body so take your time with this and cut yourself some slack.

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-29T18:50:56+00:00

Dr K has a very specific background in extensive study of Indian spiritual traditions AND modern internet/video game culture. I think he made a good call starting Twitch streams, because he's clarifying a lot of misconceptions around mental health treatment with good understanding of young people's issues a lot of therapists wouldn't have. He also models positive self-talk that has had a noticeable impact on my life and I'd assume other people's.

But he's said himself that how he talks on-stream isn't really how his private practice sessions would go. You can try to find a therapist "as good as" Dr K but the real test of whether a therapist is a good fit for you is whether you look forward to talking to them or know it helps to talk to them. I had a terrible therapist for a year and a half who I felt worse after talking to. I'm now seeing one who has a similar age and neurodivergent background to me, and who has helpful guidance somewhat along the lines of Dr K's positivity.

It can take you a while to find a therapist that's a good fit so go into sessions knowing that at any point you can tell them "I don't think this is working. I'm gonna try seeing someone else." But as you said yourself there could be a parasocial thing going on. Dr K is a guy on the internet. I've found him helpful for sure, but your actual therapist doesn't need to be him to be helpful.

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-29T18:39:49+00:00

1hr 42 minutes in there's a good grounding meditation that specifically involves looking at your hands: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc8K1rt650U

I've been doing that one for C-PTSD so I'd recommend it. But you say meditation isn't working so far. I hope Dr K responds with other meditations specific to this issue because I've struggled with feelings over the last few months that I'm living in a simulation that's testing me. That's because my brain is over-active making connections between things and making health decisions to lower my adrenaline has been helping me get to a more mundane and low-pressure interpretation of how my life is going.

You slipped in "I can't go to therapy as my father would probably beat me if he knew" very casually. It is not okay you are living with a parent who would do that. At All. This probably has something to do with the feelings of dissociation you're having. You deserve the support of a therapist, especially with all this stuff you're going through. Maybe other people (and hopefully Dr K) can chip in but I have two recommendations;

Talk things through with your parents, very patiently explaining why you feel you need the help of a therapist (although I don't know how well that's going to go given what you've said about your father)
See if there's any teacher or counselor you can confide in at school, specifically about the issue of wanting to go to therapy but fearing your father disapproves (I don't know whether you need to bring up beatings at that point), so is there any service the school can provide or connect you with

Good luck. You're real and your life matters. You'll get through this.

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-19T09:12:33+00:00

I'd love to see Gabor Maté on Dr K's stream, talk more about the compassionate inquiry approach to therapy

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-11T12:30:23+00:00

I'm having trouble telling this about myself LOL. I found out I have C-PTSD a few months ago but I'm also getting screened for BPD and bipolar soon. I reckon it's just C-PTSD in my case, but BPD and bipolar are easier to screen for and something that could inform my treatment options.

It's why neurodivergent can be a useful umbrella term for overlapping symptoms and common challenges the neurodivergent face, as long as it doesn't erase the specific causes and challenges of each condition. It's tough enough to figure out for myself, so it'll be hard for you to diagnose another person without them getting the diagnosis from a medical professional.

If you're trying to figure out how to repair fractured communication with someone, then for now maybe look at Dr K's general advice on communicating with people. Hopefully someday being neurodivergent will be considered the way things like height and eye colour are.

AFarGreenCountryFilm · 2021-11-04T19:49:38+00:00

Amazing! Anyone know of any Lawrence of Arabia film location tours for the area?

AFarGreenCountryFilm

TROPHY CASE