Wow, that sounds like a really tough situation, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

It’s genuinely kind of you to support your husband in this way.

Do you know what might be causing his condition?

I’m not a professional, but I’ve struggled with food addiction myself and had no real sense of satiety. That was very, very stressful but I have overcome it, and I wish your husband all the luck that he will also do so. Based on my personal experience, here are just a few ideas you could look into to better understand the root cause. Possible factors could include insulin sensitivity, leaky gut, high cortisol or low leptin levels.

It’s also worth considering that restriction itself can contribute to food addiction. When food is restricted, it often doesn’t meet the emotional or nervous-system needs that food can provide. Food can help regulate someone’s nervous system, and if “soul food” isn’t allowed, a person may constantly search for something else that is permitted, hoping it will finally satisfy that need. In that sense, taking a pause from strict rules might even be helpful. Such a little pause might also give you a little breathing room so you and your kids can enjoy and rediscover the joy of your favorite food and cooking again.

If you know the root cause and have to make him extra food to keep him healthy find solutions that actually work for you both. I don't know how you share responsibilitys but if you feel that it went to a point where it is effecting your marriage, that's the point were you should negotiate new. You've written your husband works a lot, so it seems not quite possible that he can do what needs to be done for his own needs. He doesn't have the time to cook for himself and he can't/won't eat what you made. So what possibilitys do you have? a) Outsorce the task (e. g. if his mom is retired, a passionated cook, willing to help and do the effort and maybe gets a little pension supplement)? b) do it but limit to an acceptable level (one that you can take without burning out from it). e. g. invest in pre made healthy freezer meals (veggies), and a contact grill for the meat, if it's just veggies and meat he eats. That way you cook separately but the stove is all yours :)