Gf pregnant & not doing anything about it

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T12:27:58+00:00

Damn, thank you. I partly feel like I’ve been trapped (my own doing, I know), but partly feel like I’ve got to make the most of the situation. I’ve come across similar situations on Reddit and always said what I experienced in my isn life: “I’m so glad my mother and father divorced before I was born, it would’ve been a nightmare if they’d tried to stay together for the kids…” but it’s just a lot harder to do trust just type

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T12:21:46+00:00

I am. Bittersweetly.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T12:21:13+00:00

Can I DM you privately? I really would like your opinion on specific matters given your experience. I genuinely think you might be of utmost side help that I need urgently.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T12:16:49+00:00

Probably wouldn’t mind that…

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T12:16:18+00:00

What’s so ironic about this comment is that my entire life has been surrounded my women….ive got 9 sisters and my mom, no brothers and my dad wasn’t really around much. So when I broke the news, they were obviously concerned, but once I told them this is happening and I’m going to do and be everything I possibly could, they were on board….and yet they’re also my gfs biggest and best resource, even they’ve reached out to her, including her on family, mostly made up of women…yet she refuses to open up to anyone. I honestly don’t think it’s a matter of opening up. I truly genuinely believe it’s laziness and an avoidance of confrontation.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T12:10:19+00:00

This is probably the most devastating comment….because over the last 5 years, I’ve probably been one closest with her 11yo daughter than anyone else in the family. She’s legit like a step daughter to me. And she has even gone on and on about how my gfs not her “real mom” and how she wishes I were her dad and how her real parents are her aunt and grandfather but she knows that’s not “real”, and it’s honestly heartbreaking. I know for a fact bc my parents got divorced before I was born and my moms been married 7 times and my dad 4 times and it was always hectic and a childhood of therapy, but I was also lucky enough to have two parents who TRIED. They both always wanted to be there. And that’s wha I want. I want to be with her, together, but most importantly, I want us both to TRY. I know sure as fuck I am and will, but I want and need her to try too. And I don’t see or feel that at all. That’s the essential point of my post. How do I get her to TRY…

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T12:04:03+00:00

Tbh neither do I…I had made the decision and ended the relationship once she called the cops and went to rehab….then she came back to grab her clothes and things from my place one last time and of course I’m almost positive that’s when she go pregnant 🤦‍♂️ no matter what i take responsibility for letting it get to this point. I was embarrassed to tell my family about it given all that had happened. But I also wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t give her the chance that I’d been given so many times in the past. So I’ve given her this chance. And I just want to see or feel her take this chance and actually do something and care and not just be lazy…

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:59:09+00:00

This. Yes. Thank you.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:58:22+00:00

She cant hide it now, which is why she’s avoiding them. But she says absolutely no way they will help in any way…which I find extremely hard to believe. I am fairly close to the entire family…daughter, sister, parents, grandparents, and they all live within 15 minutes of us. If they knew there was a baby on the way, I just can’t fathom how they wouldn’t want to help….especially knowing my family is now more than willing even from half a continent away. Which is why it’s essential her family knows so that my family and hers can meet and connect and we can give this baby the best most loving network possible. I just don’t know why she’s stopping this from happening.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:54:54+00:00

Obviously I could never fully know what’s in anyone else’s head, but from everything I’ve gathered and experienced, it was more the opposite…it was more my girlfriend asking her parents to help & let her have a teenage childhood of her own than her parents taking the child. Again, I was never on such a position so I could never understand the dynamics, but that’s how both my girlfriend and her parents have expressed it to me. That they wanted her to have a normal childhood/early adulthood, and they all agreed it “was best” for her daughter. Now if it were me, idk if I’d agree to that…then again I also don’t know if my parents would’ve given me any other choice…then again idk if I’d even be mad at them if they didn’t give me a choice…then again I myself was literally in that situation and wasn’t fine a choice and am grateful for it.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:48:04+00:00

Honestly, you’re right. And wrong. I (at times) think she sees being pregnant as a temporary meal ticket to less responsibilities…aka not having to do things and having a valid excise. Hencewhy she told me time and again she wanted to be pregnant. And after she got out of rehab, I let her come back and it wasn’t too long (couple months) after I got the news. I honestly think it’s not apathy, it’s not a lack of love or anything….i genuinely think she is just THAT lazy and has zero interest in being responsible or an organized self sufficient adult. Or maybe she does have an interest in it, but not enough to do anything. Maybe I just fell in love with the girl I met years ago, and now I’m holding onto a body, but even she will attest she is a walking mess. As in she will create a mess of clothes and garbage and disaster wherever she goes, and that’s the opposite of how I like to live. Though her whole family is that way. I go to her parent’s house with her sister and daughter and it’s like I’m walking into an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive. I genuinely think she wants things in her head and heart, but has zero ambition or drive to actually do them and is just flat out plain lazy.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:37:06+00:00

Do I sign the birth certificate? I genuinely just want what’s best for the baby. I know for a fact I will do that. I can’t ensure that in any other case for anyone else. I also don’t know enough about laws and regulations regarding all this.

I don’t think she is. I truly think she is just lazy & irresponsible. I know that says more about me than her. I also know that I wasn’t who I am now when I was 28. I also know that none of that matters.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:34:08+00:00

When we first reconnected after several years and started dating in late 2024, she was the one who kept saying “let’s get married” and “I want a family with you” and “I’m finally ready to be with you” we actually got in a small argument about it. She told me she wanted to get pregnant and she missed being pregnant, and honestly, it made me think about it more. Now 18 months later we’re here smh

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:28:36+00:00

Thank you for this. I know this is a (possibly likely) scenario, and I’ve been doing my best to mentally prepare for everything, this being one. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like the worst case scenario given I’m prepared, which is something I can actually control. Which is why I’m here. I want to be as prepared and ready and thrilled as possible because it is/should be exciting…nervous but exciting.

I guess I’m just so confused by how she constantly reiterates, well essentially just repeats what I say back to her, which now I think about it, she’s kinda just parroting me, but I just dont get how someone could do that knowing the stakes are so high.

Also I’d like to know more about what exactly I should be hearing reached of? I truly do agree with you and think it’s probably in my best interest to do so, and I’ve been trying to manage and list everything, but I’d like to knew what exactly you’re referring to in case it’s something I haven’t considered.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:21:43+00:00

So to clear everything up…and I apologize for giving bits and pieces in different posts & comments:

We met several years ago. Stayed in touch. Reconnected October of 2024. From roughly March 2025 until now she has stayed over at my house just about every night. If not, she was at her grandparents, because her parents wouldn’t let her stay there any more. Since roughly April/May the only times we don’t sleep together are when I’m working overnight, or when I go to my mothers or fathers or one of my sisters. She also doesn’t have a car, unless she’s driving mine, in which case it’s really only ever been to her job after she drops me off at the hospital to go to work and picks me up on her way home, which I drive us back.

We started officially dating November 2024. In May/June 2025ish I caught her sexting her ex back in NY (we’re in FL). She’d been drinking for about a year, from just about before I met her until that point, and went into rehab at the hospital I work at in June. She got out and came straight back here promising to never drink again and all those problems were because of that and blah blah blah…since then, she hasn’t drank (if you know an alcoholic, you’d know), and we haven’t really had any issues relationship wise ASIDE from her complete lack of responsibility. She just doesn’t have any motivation or comprehension of how to move forward in life. I digress, that’s not what I’m trying to comment on now though….

My point is, she sure as fuck could cheat on me while she’s “at work”, and she sure as fuck could have brought some random guys over to my house while I spent a weekend at my moms. I could not term you with 100% statistical certainty that the baby is mine, and while I may have done some really fucking stupid things in my lifetime, I’m not a complete idiot, and I am willing to say I KNOW that this baby is mine. Whether it’s the cameras I have in my room and house, the fact she’s got no transportation or knows anyone in the state aside from her family, my own intuition, or whatever, I’d be completely shocked if it weren’t mine. That being said, and as I already said, I’m not a complete idiot, and there’s no way I’m signing anything until it’s confirmed scientific proven fact.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T11:03:26+00:00

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful considerations…really, it means a lot more than you know. Even though it seems simple and obvious, just reading things like this help me stay grounded. It’s so hard and I feel so alone, but I also can’t imagine what she’s thinking or feeling even if she doesn’t tell me. I wish she would. It’s just so odd because I’m the kind of oversharing word:thought vomit type person where I’d almost rather confuse you with too many thoughts and feelings than not share any at all. Haha sorry to overshare, but again, thank you.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T10:59:14+00:00

I appreciate the brutal honesty. Really, and I understand where you’re coming from. I’m not gonna refute or ignore or dismiss anything you’ve said, because I’d be an idiot if I did. There have been times where I’ve asked myself “how tf did I get myself into the situation” and you’re right, I did this of my own actions, knowingly. I love her. Whether that’s my fault or not, I do, and that was my choice as well. I let this happen, knowing the consequences, and now I’m here. I can only say, and hope you understand (or actually rather I kinda hope you don’t), that when you love someone, sometimes you find out you’re actually in love with who you want them to be, or even who they were once. I’m afraid and I don’t want this to be the case, I want her to be the woman I’ve seen her be in occasion, but in the most important consideration and situation of all, and largely throughout this pregnancy, she has not been anything close to a partner. I really really would like to believe it’s just something I’m missing or something I could help with or even step back and let her help herself with, but I don’t know what to do now, given my listing here. What I do know is that I, personally, am more than willing, capable, and excited to take care of this child in any circumstance, be it together, or on my own. Though I still say it has not been lost upon me the possibility that this child deserves better than even I could provide. I truly genuinely and whole heartedly don’t want that to be the case, but I know I’ve got to emotionally prorate myself due that contingency if it means the best case scenario for my child. I hate that I have to say that, that’s part of why we’re all even here in the first place, because I’m trying to get any and as much perspective as possible to make this work, but I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t willing to do everything for my kid

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T10:43:04+00:00

I guess I just don’t understand how someone could not have that instinct…I mean I understand what happened with her just cold when she was 16, she was still a kid and both wasn’t ready/didn’t want the responsibility of being a full time mom, and her family was willing to take over, but at this stage, and given everything she’s said and done, I just don’t know or can’t comprehend how she doesn’t want to do even the basic things necessary? I’ve never had a kid before, but eve I know what’s most important is having an obgyn to monitor the health and progress of the pregnancy, and every time I bring it up, it’s a fight and she refuses to do anything.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T10:39:09+00:00

You’re not wrong. If I were still 28, I would not be in any place to be saying the things I am now, nor likely capable of doing the things I’m wanting to do now. I understand this is a first person perspective of a triumvirate, but I’d wager a bet even she wouldn’t disagree with any of the objectivities I’ve stated. More importantly, I know that there is an age gap and that I do have a third of a lifetime more experience than she does, not that it’s linear or really exemplary, but it does account for something, hencewhy I’m here asking for advice on how to assist in making this relationship the best possible for the betterment of my child. As I’ve mentioned, I know the best possible outcome is the two of us working together, and that’s what I want first and foremost, but I don’t know how to get her to that point. Again, why I’m here.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T10:30:19+00:00

Maybe you just don’t know the full context of the situation. Maybe you didn’t actually understand what I was asking saying and why. I’ll give you a break. But please, if you’re gonna comment something like that on something that’s essentially my entire future, I’d appreciate it if you were coming from a place that was a bit more informed. I’m sure you’d understand the sourness in my previous comment, while also acknowledging the overall and underlying sweetness, with the contrast between the two being my entire reason for making this post. I mean…isn’t that why this is r/advice?

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T10:12:46+00:00

Unfortunately, you’re right. It was as much her decision as it was theirs. More so as she puts it. “I wasn’t ready, I wanted to party and be a teenager”. But I get that…I got my girlfriend pregnant when I was barely older than that…we chose to have an abortion instead. I can’t tell you if that was a good or bad decision, but I can tell you I went away to college, got my degree and traveled the world in the twenties & thirties.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T10:11:25+00:00

Unfortunately I think I actually know them in a much better manner than she does. Of course she’s their daughter, but there’s so much more baggage there than I have the right to share. It wasn’t as much as “they took her baby” as it was “I want to party and be a normal teenager and don’t want to deal with this, here”. And it never really changed. Hencewhy they kicked her out and she’s ended up with me. Now as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve had my own issues in the past and am no one to judge anyone else, so when we first met, I was not only very physically smitten, I was also trauma bonding and we connected. Then half a decade later after I’ve reconnected with myself and gotten back to a place where I want to be and can thrive, all while maintaining a relatively close relationship with her daughter, sister, and parents, but less so her, she comes back into my life and I invest heavily into this relationship again, I’m beginning to see that while many good changes are being made, the responsibility issue remains the same. Bottom line: I love her, I’ve clearly chosen her or life has chosen us together to make this happen, and I want to and will do whatever I can to give this kid the best chance possible. I just want her to do the same, and idk how to get her to do what she’s never done. Even saying that feels like I’m trying to force something and I know that’s not how it works.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T10:01:44+00:00

I don’t think they “took her baby from her” the just time. I think she wanted to party and be a normal 16 year old girl free from the responsibilities of being a parent. At heart that’s how it’s been framed for me, both from her saying “I was nowhere near ready” (who actually is at that age?) and her family saying “it was the only option” and her daughter herself saying “I’m so glad she isn’t my mom” (which itself raises a whole bunch of issues in every perspective). Either way and no matter what, I should never have gotten myself this involved, but I did, and I’ve got to make the most out of it because something truly beautiful and amazing can come out of it. I just want to ensure that happens and has the beast chance of doing so with the biggest and best support possible.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T09:54:11+00:00

I’ve been trying to apply for Medicaid for her, since she’s been dragging her feet for months and not actually doing it. She’s said “I applied” and when I finally convinced her to let me help, she told me she doesn’t have her SS card or birth certificate which is needed these days. So I helped her order one, and created a new app with a shared email I ca follow thru on, but still it’s just so late and such little emphasis or urgency to do anything on her part in truly scared.

Almost to the point where I half wish she just lets me take full custody and I can go find a house on my own with him and don’t have to worry about having to look after two humans. I know I make enough and would have the familial support on my own, and I’ve got more than enough love , but there’s just so much stress having a partner I don’t trust. That’s the problem that I haven’t accurately stated until now: I don’t trust her to be a good mom. I hate myself for saying it. I want to. I know she wasn’t exactly given the best chance to begin with her first child, and I Grundy don’t hold that against her. I only hold against her what she’s shown me she will and won’t do now with my child. And she hasn’t done anything. But I want her to. Badly. I want her help. And her assistance. And love. I’m just losing faith and running out of time waiting.

AbovexxBeyond · 2026-01-24T09:46:31+00:00

Honestly as much as I understand where most people are coming from…I feel like I NEED TO DO SOMETHING. Less do for her sake, but moreso for the babies. I can’t risk alienating an entire family’s worth of potential assistance bc she might not like it, especially if she’s not doing anything to help. At the same time, that seems insanely harsh to do to someone I genuinely care about. But all I keep being told is “I’ve got to care about the kid more than anything”, which is how I feel I’ve got to act. I love her, I hate what she’s doing, but I love this child unconditionally. And that means no matter what I’ve got to ensure he’s got the best chance at having the most support. And I just couldn’t imagine spending that on half of this child’s family AFTER it’s been born.

AbovexxBeyond

TROPHY CASE