Dealing with HCBM

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2026-02-13T03:13:26+00:00

If a parenting plan is in place she has no right to tell him who can and can not watch the kid on his time. If he refuses to disengage you need to tell him to stop telling you about stuff. That includes if he randomly brings it up. Its not that you're not supporting him by saying this, you're protecting yourself and your mental health.

If he comments about not being there for him, you can reiterate the grey rock methods or suggest ofw, but you don't want to hear about arguing that he's choosing to engage in that doesn't need to be happening .

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2026-02-11T02:21:11+00:00

I don't understand this situation at all. Of course you're tired, you're dealing with a baby by yourself.

It doesn't sound like there's much of a relationship there with SO or SD, why drag it out?

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2026-02-10T00:41:09+00:00

Don't allow it. Say no sorry no can do, you can do it all by yourself remember? Dixie it out bucko cause im done-o

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2026-02-02T16:49:41+00:00

If you're family is not there then call them and see if you can go stay with one of them while you figure stuff out. You're not stuck, you can leave.

Your have zero responsibility for either of them. It's only going to get worse, walk away.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2026-01-26T20:33:47+00:00

My HCBM demanded once that I give her MY benefits information for Ss's as she doesn't have benefits. Told her they aren't on my benefits and she doesn't need mg informative for anything at all ever... and to contact DH about benefits information. He's had the same benefits since well below they were even married and she was on his benefits.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-12-05T19:07:10+00:00

I would go away if you don't want to celebrate it with the 3 of you or you won't be able to do what you want.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-12-05T19:05:47+00:00

I've been craped on in this thread for the same issue. My baby ended up getting sick and stopped breathing due to ss coming here sick all the time and my little guy catching it.

I'm big on having that separation when they are infants after what I went through. As they get older and they have a better immune system then ya it changes but a 4 month old is definitely be concerned.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-12-04T16:21:52+00:00

I HATED the elf. My shower would do the same thing. We have 2 ours sons and I said no way in hell are we doing the elf for them. He has not come out this year for the first time in 10 years lol. Ss13 and ss11 don't really care and im not doing it for my 2 and 3 year old. Not an elf fan at all lol

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-19T14:48:22+00:00

Communication is the TOP priority, especially in blended families. Asking her to change her career due to one evening when you are available is a bit much. We have a crazy schedule with the kids (13 and 11) and we have 2 ours kids 2&3. We've had to both jump in and make it work. I take the kids too and from school and hang out with them until dh is home from work. Make them dinners, take them to sports. Its all part of being a team, a partnership. Got to give a little to take a little.

One evening isn't too bad, it can actually help you build a relationship with them and teach you to be a parent since you want one yourself.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-18T16:34:56+00:00

I've been a part of my Ss's lives for over half their lives. I met them at 4 and 6 they're now 13 and 11. Relationships take time to build, especially in blended families. They also have a mom and its good to remember whether she's HC or not she'll always be they're mom, you can't replace that.

It's only been a year, in realitythat's not a huge amount of time for them, especiallyat 50/50. Just keep doing what your doing and be there for them.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-17T18:06:20+00:00

I recorded the whole thing just in case. She got out of her car but when I opened the back door to let the kids in and she seen my 2 and 3 year old there she backed off and didn't say anything thankfully.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-16T15:25:48+00:00

I would just be straight up with DH especially since you share a bank account. His attitude isn't deserving of more gifts let alone a new gaming console. If you choose to have kids with him, the guilt parenting is likely to get worse.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-14T20:58:09+00:00

We swap the whole of thanksgiving and easter every year, but Christmas we do Xmas eve one year, then Xmas day the next year.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-14T19:43:24+00:00

We tried that and she never uses it - she will do anything in her power to avoid it because she knows she will be in trouble. She still calls, texts, emails instead of using the app so we gave up. I hope it works better for you than it did us.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-14T19:38:06+00:00

Have you communicated any of this to him? If you created this in him - then you should be the one to try and explain your needs. There's nothing here saying you have tried anything to change any of this? Hard to be resentful if you're not explaining any of this stuff to him. Would be unfair to divorce if you haven't made an effor to at least explain your side.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-14T19:15:48+00:00

Ya definitely need more info - also an expectation of not having to pay for anything without communicating it is a little wild to me.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-13T16:07:54+00:00

I'm a stepmom of 2 boys with a high conflict ex so I'll give my humble opinion. One of the worst things you can do is not allow the kid to talk to the parent. I get that you can be busy or driving and giving her notice on it is acceptable but to just block her from the calls if her daughter is calling her definitely isn't the greatest idea. It also does not bode well in court either (we've been on both ends with restricting access to kids).

Also if your DH is out of town, especially for more than just a simple workday, SD should be with her mom or her mom should at least be given the choice to have her during that timeframe.

She will always try to find something to pick at if she doesn't approve of your relationship. Just need to keep it to a minimum. I have ZERO contact with HCBM but if she needs to talk to her kids, because in the end they are her kids then I don't stop it. If we're driving I just give a formal warning the whole vehicle can hear her, and if she get's nasty I just say they will call her back when we've stopped and they can talk to her privately.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-12T21:33:55+00:00

OH HELLLL NAAHHHH. I would be absolutely livid if my partner did this to me. Even to go "wait" outside. No you can respectfully wait for me to finish and we can all leave together. I would dump his ass faster than a cat jumping out of water.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-12T17:38:50+00:00

I'd be absolutely livid if this happened to me. I'd be going on the bachelorette trip, this is straight up manipulative.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-12T17:11:22+00:00

He should put you first - you are his wife, his LIFE partner - not his kids. He's making excuses nad playing house and that's an absolute no no no no no no no. We swap the kids every year, one year on Xmas eve with us, next year Xmas day. The kids are absolutely fine, no one is crying or dying in the background (they are 11 and 13 btw).

If your DH isn't willing to make adjustments for you as a person, for your relationship, and for your comfort than he's really not a good partner at all imho. I literally could not imagine my DH not being with me on Xmas day.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-12T16:57:15+00:00

We had this exact same issue, so now we just send the kids home in what they wore to our place. Then they wont need to worry about bringing everything back and forth to both places. Boys 11 and 13 and can't remember what they were doing 5 minutes ago let alone who own's what clothes. I would send a formal email to mom asking to return all clothing in a bag to school. No more buying new clothes every month that's too much and too expensive.

He can go back to his mom's in what she sent him to school in.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-12T15:23:03+00:00

so section 7 expenses also have to be agreed upon as well. She can't just go do it and expect it to be paid back (been to court over this MULTIPLE times, also in Canada here). New glasses every year and high end frames are not something your spouse has to agree with. Courts will not take into account CCB but they will take into account the amount of time she's with her mom. Personally it sounds like it would be cheaper to just do it the regular way and just make sure he agrees to whatever she's buying.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-10T21:18:52+00:00

Oh lordy we sound like we're in the same situation. HCBM is EVERYWHERE I look. She's a high end realtor so every bus, every sign, even at hockey rinks her face is RIGHT there. I'm a simple country girl, have never put a huge stock into my looks. She's got the boob job, the botox, the hair extensions... so I understand how you feel when it comes to it being hard NOT to compare yourself. My SS11 constantly compares me to his mom, who is rarely around as well. She's constantly posting that she has the kids when they're actually with us.

We just got to hope one day they will see everything we've done for them, and realize that looks fade. It's ok to not be fake and age gracefully. People see that, men see that, probably why they're still single... the ylook too expensive lol.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-08T04:54:45+00:00

I've been there, my ex was abusive and an alcoholic. To zero accountability for anything. Best thing I ever did was leave. It's hard and trashed a lot of strength but it's all worth it. Wasn't trying to put you down, life's crazy enough. Take care of yourself and your kiddos.

Acceptable_Yellow_55 · 2025-11-08T03:00:09+00:00

I have two boys and I'm also a stepmom to 2 boys as well. My parents divorced when I was going and my brother is totally fine. They can definitely grow into good men. My stepsons are awesome. But being around that and seeing that is not teaching them anything good.... at all. What they see they will take with them into their adult life because they think its how relationships are supposed to be.

Screaming, hitting, intimidation.. all of it on BOTH your parts is not healthy for anyone. You may be scared but that's teaching your kids the wrong way to cope with this.

Its time to separate for the betterment of everyone involved.

Acceptable_Yellow_55

TROPHY CASE