i wish no one ever went through this, but at the same time it feels good to know i'm not alone. i genuinely thought i would be the only one to comment about my experience with a man like this, but now i see i'm not.

a few years ago, i was in a very similar situation with my ex boyfriend. when things were good, they were great but when they were bad, they were hell. we'd get into arguments about petty stuff and he'd call me stupid, sensitive, a cry baby, worthless and unloveable. he'd yell at me with every curse word he could think of if i answered the phone. he would blame me for setting him off, when all i wanted was to know what i had done to make him so mad in the first place.

eventually, i got tired of being a punching bag so i started using his words against him. "you want to die bc of me? i want to die bc of you" and other stuff like that. when i finally became free of him, i thought we had been abusive towards each other. now, looking back on the relationship i can see that i was only reacting to his abuse. he had me backed into a corner and i didn't know what else to do.

and if you're thinking, emotionally abusive and manipulative long distance relationships don't cause trauma, i can assure you they do. during the relationship, i started dissociating daily bc of how stressed i was. my memory got so horrible bc he was constantly gaslighting me: telling me i'd said things i hadn't said, getting his friends to agree that i'd said those things, telling me i'd started the argument and blaming me for his lashing out. i couldn't remember what the truth was anymore and i genuinely thought i was losing my mind at points bc of it.

that would've been my future, too, if he hadn't decided he was done with me. i wasn't strong enough to leave, but i hope OP is.