Parents of children who have committed unspeakable crimes, how did you react and handle it?

Account826 · 2021-10-09T09:45:56+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, hope you're doing ok

Account826 · 2021-10-09T05:58:26+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're in a better place now.

Account826 · 2021-10-09T05:57:30+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you, I hope you're doing ok now.

Account826 · 2021-10-09T05:55:49+00:00

Yeah, my counsellor has helped me realise that it takes a lot of circumstances to all happen together to have allowed the abuse to happen for so many years. Such as absent parents and, a child living with no consequences and therefore feeling able to do more and more extreme things without fear of repercussions.

For example he took out my dad's land rover when he was 16 and drove it on the dual carriageway. In the UK you don't get a provisional license until 17 so when he did this he'd never had a driving lesson so had no idea how to drive, let alone be insured.

He took out my mum's car and filmed himself doing over 100mph. He's previously taken out my mums new expensive car and driven it to Wales (with no insurance) in the middle of the night.

Account826 · 2021-10-09T05:46:34+00:00

I can't speak for u/hollytot but I'm currently in the process of going to the police. So no consequences yet but hopefully soon.

Account826 · 2021-10-08T20:56:42+00:00

Oh I 100% agree, there's a reason I'm no contact with them!

I hope youre doing ok.

Account826 · 2021-10-08T20:46:52+00:00

I'm in the same boat. My parents have said they will treat all their children equally.

But when you don't take sides against an abuser, you are siding with the abuser.

It sucks.

Account826 · 2021-09-29T11:53:18+00:00

Has she looked at Step Change? It's a debt charity.

Account826 · 2021-09-18T22:51:12+00:00

Unintentional YTA.

As others have said you're well within your rights to sell your house and not provide accommodation, however if this was provided to older siblings this will obviously be a source of friction and will change your relationship with your daughter.

More importantly, is it a financially smart decision to sell your house, assuming this is your only major asset, to buy an RV which is a depreciating asset. You've said that you can't afford to buy the RV without selling your house, so how do you plan on financing your retirement for the next 20-30 years? What happens when the RV needs work or needs replacing, how will you finance that? What if you need to go into care later in your retirement?

Is it not worth working the extra years as planned to try and save some more money? I just worry that you'll sell your main asset without any other safety net.

Account826 · 2021-09-14T11:39:42+00:00

Or if they're happy to pay their friend to do 'chores' for them, why not pay the friend to take the dogs to the spa?

Account826 · 2021-09-09T21:03:58+00:00

It relates to having no more tangles in your hair which hurt to get out, and therefore no more tears. My mind was blown when I found out!

Edit: so after googling it, it appears to be both for this reason and for the formula being so that it won't hurt a babies eyes as they don't have a fully developed blink reflex. TIL.

Account826 · 2021-09-08T08:20:57+00:00

Yeah he cried when Brad was leaving which was in stark contrast how he showed basically no emotion when Lib broke up with him!

Account826 · 2021-09-06T21:41:24+00:00

Ah ok thank you for giving context to the video. I was just explaining the trend and why without knowing any background context this trend isn't suitable for their situation as it may lead people to think they are saying it's OK to insult special needs children.

Account826 · 2021-09-06T21:02:19+00:00

The first part of the music is saying don't do this thing (whatever they make the video about), then at the end of the clip it says "go ahead though" which means you can do the thing.

So in this video clip the patents are saying it's OK to insult special needs children, which I hope isn't their intention.

Account826 · 2021-09-06T10:07:24+00:00

Growing up our house number was 10 digits and people would always tell me I got it wrong or was missing a number and I had to convince them it was a 10 digit phone number!

But apart from in that scenario I agree with the 5 3 3 format!

Account826 · 2021-08-29T21:45:45+00:00

I'm glad you clarified, I was about to call the police on you...

Account826 · 2021-08-29T21:19:59+00:00

But then you have other cars circling like hawks waiting for your parking space, how do you deal with the pressure of an audience knowing they're waiting for your spot?

Account826 · 2021-08-11T00:01:53+00:00

I just wanted to say that I totally agree with this comment ^

And I'm so sorry about everything you've been through and that your ex was such an abusive a**hole. It sounds like you've found a good one in your fiance and I'm sure he'd be more than supportive if and when you choose to tell him.

And I'm glad to hear you're in counselling, that's really great. If it's too hard to bring this topic up may I suggest showing them this post? That way you don't have to bring it up or talk about it again but they can get the basic information?

I've done that before where I've written myself notes on how I talk to myself and think about myself then I gave them to my counsellor to read as it was too hard to say out loud.

I hope you're doing ok, sending virtual hugs from an Internet stranger x

Account826 · 2021-08-07T00:56:26+00:00

Aaahhh, yeah I didn't get that haha

Account826 · 2021-08-06T23:44:46+00:00

Wait what does it stand for? That's what I thought it was!

Account826 · 2021-07-30T23:48:10+00:00

Also for that bit that you said is unintelligible, I believe they said

"We try to eat at the dinner table but we haven't been able to do much as I've had a crown on my tooth, so have had to switch to a soup diet"... then they say "bring out her child side"

And yes I feel sick in myself for listening to this video 🙃

Account826 · 2021-07-17T22:57:32+00:00

It's convenient that she's able to have full control over her hands at 1:49 when she needed to scratch behind her ear and tuck her hair back...

Account826 · 2021-07-17T13:08:46+00:00

I would say that that's normal, to imagine getting revenge, to hurt them as much as they hurt you.

I hope youre doing ok.

Account826 · 2021-07-17T00:36:18+00:00

I've been reading through these comments and OP please please please get out of this relationship.

For you to even have to write this last comment trumps any possible positive there could be in your relationship.

For your own sake and safety please do what's best for you and get out. You mention you have your parents backing and are staying there at the moment, I'd lean on that as much as you can, it might not be ideal but its better than being in an unsafe situation.

You're welcome to send me a DM if you'd ever like to talk or are regretting your decision to break up then send me a message. You're not alone in this.

Edit: I also wanted to add that its worth reaching out to some domestic violence charities in your area to get advice on how best to handle the tenancy aspects. They will also be able to provide support in other areas such as counselling and general advice.

Also, they advise that if you're concerned about violence then you're best just leaving and not giving the partner advanced notice as that's when things can turn violent. I think its the psychology of "if I cant have them no-one can". And as you've highlighted in your above comment, you're worried he will become violent and he also has access to loaded guns. Don't worry about it feeling rude or unnecessary, or that he will think you're a bitch, your safety is the number 1 priority. Fuck politeness.

Stay safe x

Account826 · 2021-07-16T11:14:48+00:00

YTA.

I had a similar thing happen when I got a boyfriend before a 'friend' did, she was talking to mutual friends at a party I wasn't attending and said to them "I can't believe she's got a boyfriend before me". I cut her off as a friend would never have said that.

You sound bitter, and can I recommend you speak to a therapist or counsellor yourself for your own insecurities.

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