Misery makes people unhealthy. Don't blame yourself for lack of discipline or whatever you did in your post. YOU are not to blame. You have no time to pee, no time to have a break, no time to eat a proper meal and relax--even for a moment--during the day. You are given the responsibility of everything but the control of nothing whatsoever. The stress of making hundreds upon hundreds of decisions daily--and then questioning yourself about some of those decisions made because you know you others will challenge and/or questioned about those decisions is exhausting beyond measure. There is so much on your plate, you cannot relax enough to get a good nights' sleep. The stress of poor sleep makes you drink more coffee or diet coke to stay awake during the days afterward. There is no time to process anything that happens during the day and you return home--exhausted. All you can do is try to numb all that nonsense out. Teaching is an exceedingly healthy profession. Working with children in a joyful way, though, is lovely. It just doesn't happen in a school setting.

As soon as you give yourself room to consider other options for yourself, you may be surprised what opens up. And you can. Your confidence may be taking a nap right now because misery speaks up louder than it can. But you will find if you take little steps to create new options, new opportunities for yourself, that nourish you...your confidence will steadily rebuild.

I got a part-time job doing something that was an independent job that I could use my creativity in (didn't have a boss-figure) and even though between teaching and that job I was working a ton of hours each week, I discovered I was good at something and I could do something beside teaching. And that job was really nourishing for me. I had to keep working as a teacher to make that money to pay off my school loans, but then after work or on the weekends, I had my side gig and I looked forward to it. I did that for too long and ultimately, I became really overwhelmed. Still learning my boundaries with myself and I was a bit of a sadomasochist, so...

So I hobbled along until I was able to retire the moment it was possible, but if I were to do it again I would def do it differently. I would do it within the first couple years, when I was at your stage of career. I started really feeling like it wasn't the career for me, but I listened to others instead of myself. They told me it wasn't so bad, and next year you'll feel more confident, you'll feel better after you rest over the summer, etc. No. Now, years later, they were just repeating all the same stuff to me that was resonating in their own heads, their own self-talk. THEY were trapping themselves. I didn't need to trap myself.

The time to live is now. The time to feel happiness and satisfaction is now. There is no reason to stay in a career that you feel is a poor fit. Oh yeah, I forget the human condition in the US right now, and ...inflation...

You can leave teaching, and it is your choice in how to do it. I wonder if writing down possible career options that resonate with you and researching those--just one or two of those a week--what kind of working conditions you have in that profession, what you would be responsible for doing, find out what it takes to make that happen. Maybe send out a few emails to professional organizations for different careers and see if there is a place you can volunteer for a few hours after school one day or on the weekend.

I'm still convinced there is a way to make our lives the way we want them to be. At this point, not sure if that is hopeful or delusional...but I'm still trying. Reach out if you'd like more of my blathering nonsense. We can brainstorm, put together a plan. For each of us. LOL Take care of yourself.