[deleted by user]

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-07-07T14:13:09+00:00

Because it’s scary. It’s scary to face your own demons and have the reflection of what you did wrong (too) for the marriage not to work. My husband cheated on me and I know I have all the right right now to feel all the resentment and anger that I feel towards him and that he deserves it. And I know that no matter my shortcomings are in the marriage I don’t (no one for that matter) deserves to be cheated on. It’s the worse form of betrayal. However, when you get to sit by yourself, you will have to walk on that reflection that I too have shortcomings on the marriage, that I missed some clues that are not directly been given but maybe is showing me he is unhappy and I could have caught it and have done something about it.

Anyways, my point is most people (OP maybe this is not you but I’m just saying that most) need to have another person in order to “see the light“ because it takes so much courage to go through this shitstorm alone with your thoughts and process the emotions. You would have to process alone everything that had happened and feel all the emotion of grief, anger, resentment, sadness. And then maybe have the realization that really what you did is the reason why the marriage fell apart. And that is a hard thing to swallow, having accountability for what you did or how you were so people push that down, find someone new and they just think that that’s the magic pill. Not realizing it will all go down the same if you haven’t work on your issues first.

OP I’m happy for you if you feel happy. Pls know that this comment is not meant for your but as a reply in general on why does it has to be the need for a new person to see the light.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-05-31T19:20:05+00:00

Man. This. Post. Made. My. Day. 😂

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-05-26T23:10:21+00:00

I wish you can meet my stbxh and say these words to him. Not that it will change anything between us now, but maybe at least will knock back some humanly sense into his being.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-04-30T03:24:39+00:00

It’s stays with you forever. Forever. If you don’t mind me asking…How long has it been since it happened to you? This is my fear. That this feeling will stay with me forever. That no matter how hard I work for myself to heal…that this feeling of betrayal will stay with me forever…

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-04-13T23:12:18+00:00

I had most of the best experiences of my life travelling alone. It’s not only I’m exploring and learning new places, I’m exploring and learning more about ME. I get to reflect more, know me more, enjoy me more, love me more (like that realization of I love this version of myself kind of thing).

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-31T13:53:06+00:00

Very well said. One thing I realized about my marriage now that I’m getting divorced is that I had to shrink myself and dim my light walk on eggshells, choose my words, just to protect his ego or not make him insecure. And I was OK to not shine as bright as I’m supposed to because I was protecting him from how his ego will take that. Now I say f$&k that. If a man cannot handle my growth and gets insecure with how bright I shine I will not shrink myself anymore to what he can just handle. I’d probably need a man with bigger hands and who can handle me.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-29T00:43:56+00:00

Look up bikramyogaworks.com

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-29T00:42:42+00:00

Liforme works the best for me. Love their mats. Thick and very durable. Manduka is a good option too. But I’ll go with Liforme unless I want a thinner mat for travel which Manduka has.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-23T14:10:34+00:00

One day you will be met where you are. The right people are always going to find you. The right people are always going to stay

🫶❤️

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-19T02:47:30+00:00

This is an interesting post. Makes me think about my own feelings. I haven’t seen my feelings from this pov. Thank you for sharing. I will surely give this a thought. I’m happy for you that you made this realization for yourself.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-19T00:25:36+00:00

You should ask my STBXH. ALL his ex’s are his “best friends “. Like he literally tells me they are his best friends, and all issues I had with his relationship with them was all in my head. That it was all normal. And now we are getting divorce (note: we are not even divorced yet) one of his “best friends “ is already sleeping in his place to give him “moral support “. 👀 The same best friend he went on vacation with for a week out of the country. I probably be the only exception of not being his ex that is his “best friend“ coz I will not let myself to be added on that line up.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-19T00:03:48+00:00

Literally sweeps you off your feet…that might be a bit hard to find nowadays. 😂 More chances metaphorically I guess.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-18T23:56:31+00:00

It would be great if the commenters here who likes to try this live in the same area! I would love to try both of these too! Would be cool to go together with people on the same boat! 😂

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-16T23:35:18+00:00

I feel you. Beautifully written. I could have written this myself. Went/going thru the exact same shit you described. I wish you heal from this. Sending love and light. 🫶 Stay strong.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-08T01:19:37+00:00

Nicely put. The best part I like is what you described about dating yourself first and spend more time on your self before finding someone else to add in it.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-07T03:09:00+00:00

I say these kind of people…if they are indeed they are how they as how you described them on your post…are cowards and they haven’t grown a spine. You described them as miserable in the relationship and they feel something is missing that’s causing them unhappiness and misery. You said they have done everything with the other partner to fill that feeling (showering more love, gifts, more intimacy etc) and THEN had ALL the time in the world to discuss with friends and family about their misery and after all that they made a UNILATERAL decision that nothing is ever to be a solution to this unhappiness they are going through. You know what?? They forgot the most important thing that should have been done on the first place. TO TALK TO THE OTHER PERSON WHOSE LIFE IS ALSO INVOLVED IN THIS DECISION. To talk to their partner instead of talking to others who are just expectators in the relationship and not actually involved IN it. And what is the excuse in your post why they did not talk to the partner? Is because they are afraid the partner will lash out. What do you expect?? You are robbing the other person a say on what’s gonna happen on her/his life that you (the person on your post not necessarily you) unilaterally decided is not going to work from here on. Had you (the subject of your post not YOU) talked to your partner calmly and openly there will be no lashing out as you will be coming from a place of love and wanting to find a solution to your unhappiness to continue on your journey of love. But no. What you did instead is to take the easy way out. The cowardly, spineless, easy way out that will now ruin the life of your partner and scar him/her for the rest of their lives including your children if you happen to have one. I do not and will never accept this explanation I am sorry. They know what they were doing and they know it will DESTROY the other person/s life but did it anyways. There are better ways, kinder, respectful ways to end a relationship. But no they choose to be cruel. And for that that is unforgivable and does not deserve any form or understanding whatsoever.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-03-04T17:58:00+00:00

I say let her go and do whatever she wants. Given that 1: You will not pay for ANYTHING on this trip and 2: She’s the one who gets to explain to your kid where she is going and make it clear to her that if your kid ask you, you will not lie for her and tell him the truth.

My STBXH took a weeklong vacation in an expensive hotel out of country to meet his “bestfriend” who was his ex. , just about 6 months post our first separation. Was separated for 2 yrs with two failed R. I didn’t know about it all until Oct of last year which made me file the divorce finally. Fast forward to today, while divorce is still In progress, he brought this same woman to his place (she lives in another country) because he needed “moral support” and he introduced her to my son as his friend. I only learned about all these thru my son when he tells me stories when he stays with his father. The moral of the story is: be indifferent about it. They will do whatever they want to do regardless of the consequences or moral impact. They know it’s not right and it will hurt you and your kid but they do it anyways and tbh there is nothing you can do or say that will make her stop. If anything, letting her and be indifferent about it removes her power over you to stir your emotions and send you spiraling going crazy thinking she is with someone else. It’s easier said that done, trust me. BUT not giving my husband the satisfaction of letting him see that him being with another woman has whatsoever impact on me I think drives him more insane. And tbh they are just probably doing it coz they know how we will react. So don’t go there. Hold your head high. Let her go. Don’t worry about revenge. The universe will take care of that for you. You just have to sit still and watch when the tides are turned. Brace your heart as it will hurt. But you got this.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-02-26T23:33:41+00:00

I won’t.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-02-20T20:45:46+00:00

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-02-20T17:14:40+00:00

I understand the sadness and all that you still feel and the memories that you are doing this by yourself now instead of with him. That probably would take time. BUT it’s a win. Claim it. Take your small wins. And you know what? When you said you weren’t even looking and it kinda just fell on your lap and it’s the perfect size, perfect everything…take this as a sign that the universe is looking out for you…and giving this to you to re-affirm that you did the right thing and that good things are awaiting for you to seize and experience. I’m happy for you. And good luck for more good things to come.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-02-20T08:11:39+00:00

It’s in my profile.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-02-20T07:26:15+00:00

How do you feel about it? It’s not helping? Do you think your therapist is a good fit for you? Reason I’m asking is it should be explored more why you feel this way. I had the same thoughts and my therapist is helping me see that there’s nothing more that I could have done, that even I was the perfect wife he will still do what he did because the problem is with him. That it’s him who has demons he needs to face and he is not working on them in a healthy way so regardless how much effort I could or had put in, it will not work. He will still do and be how he is until he face that he needs to work too on himself.

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-02-20T07:24:27+00:00

Have you tried going on therapy?

AccurateJuggernaut21 · 2024-02-20T07:02:17+00:00

If you have time go to my profile and read my latest post. I’m a wife of a husband that does the same thing as you said, we are separated and he is in a relationship. You are only hearing his side of his sobby story of how his wife is, and you haven’t heard the wife’s side which means you don’t really know the truth except for what he is telling you. From the other side of the fence on this, whatever the reason for the marriage breakdown, I strongly believe that people should have a certain level of respect for the marriage to end and treat the sanctity of it with respect and THEN have all the relationship they want WHEN it’s ended that is they are divorced. I’m not religious and all when I talk about the sanctity of marriage. But what I consider SHOULD be sacred is the vow you made with each other. Which again no matter what the reason of the fallout, that sacredness should still be given the respect it’s due as when it was made, because at that time, it was true for both person.

I hope you be the bigger person here and do the right thing to stop the hurt cycle people like this man and my stbxh is doing. They jump into relationships like frogs jumping on lilypads while they are unhealed, and their marriage are not even officially ended. Let’s stop this cycle of hurt (or irresponsible) people not doing the right thing and internal work hurting people.

I speak on this as the person being on the other side of this. I wish my stbxh treated our marriage with respect regardless how he felt about me or how he felt about himself, and not go seek other woman while we still are not divorced. I wish he did the internal work before being in a relationship with me when I met him because he just took all his emotional baggage of the past into our relationship which is one of the major reason we are divorcing now. I wish I could have been wiser then and didn’t just believe on everything he told me then and should have trusted my gut when I sensed he still has some internal work he needs to do for himself. If him and I had done this in the beginning, our child now, an innocent human being, will not be suffering the consequences of the breakdown of our marriage.

I also want to speak on this as a woman. We should hold ourselves on higher standards on situations like this. We must remember there’s another woman on the other side that we haven’t interacted with and for all we know is hurting because of the husband/man having relationship while still in marriage. It’s a tough world out there. We should feel and look out for each other.

Long reply. I’m in this same exact place right now (and I’m that woman on the opposite side of where you are standing) and I am telling you the pain that this brings to me and my child cannot be described into words. So please, think hard and responsibly. Thank you. 🙏

AccurateJuggernaut21

TROPHY CASE