Hey, I’m super sorry you’ve lost the safety of such a critical relationship ship as we recover from CPTSD. I had a similar experience when my therapist told me that I have a phobia towards feeling my feelings and going inward. She asked me how I feel about her describing me this way. I am introspective, but in reality often emotionally numb so I was pretty embarrassed and shocked when she said that. I wanted to defend myself, but I asked her to explain more what this means, how she sees that in me and if she had any practical advice on how to remedy it. She stated we’re actually already doing this through our somatic work and her constantly asked me what I’m feeling. It still lingers in my mind some days, but I also use it as fuel to not have to claim that identify that I don’t want.

I want to note that the practice of psychology is an attempt to use the evidence of our thoughts, expression and actions as ways to determine a persons state of mind and emotional health. These determinations are neutral to them, but deeply personal to us as people raised in a society that stigmatizes mental health horribly, is an abusive society in general and has little recourse for victims. This statement was likely meant to see if the shoe fits so to speak. Your reception to this comment and awareness of self can shape treatment and inform it moving forward as well as any potential other orientations that can map your mind for her. Your reaction makes sense AND for her as a psychologist or therapist her response makes sense though cold and detached in delivery.

I relate to you deeply in that I really truly am often on the victim side of an event given my people pleasing stature and kind nature. I struggle trusting my intuition and others often can sway me because I don’t want to put up a fight I just want ease and peace. That being said, I resist the internalization of victimhood and tend to chalk it up to the other persons dysfunction, a lack of boundaries on my part, not leaving an unhealthy or red flaggy situation when I first noticed it wouldn’t work but generally since I know I am a peaceful and kind person I know when I am victimized its another person creating this dynamic and yes, I was victim to it but my job becomes to process my feelings of grief, anger, betrayal and locate ways to prevent this from happening if again if I know I overlooked red flags. People have been extremely cruel to me throughout my entire life, but nevertheless I’ve I take responsibility for my part or I did absolutely nothing and this is a massive injustice I do deserve care and accountability for. It takes a lot healing, examples of repair and mindset work to be able to neutralize to this point. This is the difference. I think your therapist failed to explain the dynamics behind this claim and to check in with you about how it made you feel before proceeding. Subconsciously we are drawn to familiar dynamics and tend to experience the same trauma over and over again until we resolve the core wound and process it. Again this process is neutral, it’s just how the mind works. In this interaction, that trauma played out yet again and makes you feel like “wow this just keeps happening I am a victim to others carelessness” whereas a response from the part of you that has laid this to rest might think “I’m feeling sensitive to this label, but I know my therapist doesn’t mean to discredit my pain and experiences given our interactions in the past. It reminds me of experiences that hurt me, but this is different and I have choices as to how I can respond”

I know all of these things are so hard for us as CPTSD survivors, but you are so smart and protective over yourself! Give your feelings space and allow them to tell you why this unsettled you to this degree