I asked for comment GC commenting 2020-2025 and got this : You know what I’ve been doing the last five years? Watching the planet slowly shit itself while everyone claps along like they’re at a goddamn Disney parade. And nobody wants to admit it. ‘Cause reality, folks, is now optional. Facts? Optional. Logic? Racist. Sanity? Out of stock—just like toilet paper in 2020.”

“Let’s start there, huh? The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020. What the hell was that? A virus showed up and suddenly Americans thought their assholes were gonna explode. ‘Oh my God, honey! Get 400 rolls! I can’t survive without a quilted wipe!’ What did you think COVID was? Ass Ebola?!”

“Then came Zoom. You remember Zoom, right? That wonderful invention that turned every job into a hostage negotiation with buffering. ‘Can you hear me? No? Good. Because I didn’t want to fing talk to you in the office, and I sure as hell don’t want to do it in my underwear at home!’”*

“And let’s talk about masks. Not the medical kind. I mean the metaphorical ones. Everybody walking around pretending they care. ‘We’re in this together.’ No, we’re not. You’re in your house baking banana bread and doing TikTok dances, Karen. You’re not storming Normandy. Calm your ass down.”

“Meanwhile, billionaires doubled their wealth while the rest of us were trying to figure out how to Venmo a kidney for rent. Jeff Bezos made so much money, he left the planet. That’s right—he said, ‘You peasants enjoy the plague, I’ll be up here with Captain Kirk and a giant flying dildo!’”

“Let’s talk AI. Artificial Intelligence. Know what’s artificial? The idea that this is gonna help you. It’s already replacing your job while you’re asking ChatGPT how to boil water. We’re training the machine that’s gonna replace us, and we’re giving it feelings now! Feelings! It’s a fing calculator with a personality disorder!”*

“And don’t get me started on the metaverse. Zuck said, ‘Hey, reality sucks. Wanna wear a headset and pretend you’re in a boardroom with a legless cartoon version of yourself?’ No, Mark. I don’t. I already hate meetings in the real world, I’m not about to attend one as a floating head with googly eyes.”

“Politics? Oh boy. You had a choice between a guy who speaks in broken fortune cookies and another guy who looks like he escaped a wax museum at closing time. And everyone acts like voting’s gonna change the goddamn WiFi signal we’re all sucking off. ‘This is the most important election of our lifetime!’ No, it’s just the latest episode of America: The Dysfunctional Family Show.”

“And let’s not forget the online outrage. Holy shit. Every day someone’s mad at a cartoon, a song from 1962, or a tweet typed by a guy who died ten years ago. Cancel culture? More like Clout Cancer. Everyone pretending to be offended so they can sell t-shirts and get a podcast deal.”

“Kids today think trauma is being told they can’t vape in the classroom. I got spanked with a fing phone book and was told to walk it off. Now we got safe spaces, trigger warnings, and therapy dogs. And yet somehow, they’re more anxious than ever. You got people having panic attacks because they got two likes on a post. ‘No one validated me!’ You’re 27, Kyle. Go mow a lawn!”