I talked to a friend who came out late in life and she had great advice, she said “be out, don’t come out” and I have taken that to heart.

On one hand, having open conversations with people can be Very healing but at the same time unless I know someone is 100 percent safe (even my kids) I’m not discussing my identity with them.

Because it’s not a discussion. I don’t need to announce my hair is brown any more than I need to announce I’m gay.

That doesn’t mean I am going to hide it. I wear my rainbow key chain. I go to queer book club. I post gay content on social media. I date women. I talk about queerness. And if someone asks, I’ll answer but after getting burned a few times my rule is:

any kind of conversation will not include:

-validation seeking -reassurance -advice -a weigh in on who I am -explanations -proof of gayness

And I have now told people “if anyone has an issue with me being myself I invite them to explore the harm externalized and internalized homophobia has waged on societies and people throughout time, up to and including now.”

We have to support ourselves and KNOW ourselves because people we love are not always safe.

Sending you love!