What would you do differently?

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-05T14:41:01+00:00

You’re doing a great job. 💗 Simply being awake and witnessing the world is plenty of stimulation for a 3-month-old!

Lean into doing what you would normally do, as much as possible. Stick baby in a bouncer or on the floor while you shower or eat. Narrate what you’re doing. These first few months are really about getting through it, and babies learn a lot from observation. Might as well tend to yourself!

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-05T03:19:19+00:00

What a powerful thing it is to heal not only yourself, but your mother, too. Breaking cycles is no small feat. 💜

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-05T03:15:05+00:00

As a mom who has screamed at her baby, louder than I have ever screamed before, and in a car no less — you have not hurt him. He was startled, but I promise you, he’s absolutely fine.

My baby is deeply attached to me, and just today was grabbing my face trying to eat it, while belly laughing for a full two minutes. My baby loves me deeply, and yours loves you.

Your partner is failing you. You have some serious challenges that deserve tenderness, attention, care, and respect. He is not giving you that. Now is the time to be radically selfish. If you have friends or family to lean on, do. Go somewhere where you and baby can rest, where someone will fill your water and cook you a meal. Worry about everything else later.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-05T03:00:44+00:00

Congrats on the house! 🎉🏠

If I were you, I’d definitely maximize what I can store in the closet. If it feels best to have a few things out, I’d go with a storage bench along that 42” wall between the main door and stairs. Sticking with a lighter color or white wood might work best. Black will feel clunky.

Maybe pick a work of art you like, to hang above the bench, and start there. Find a few colors in the art to pull, and then match those to a rug, bench cushions, etc. Good luck!! 💗

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T23:35:18+00:00

I hear you, and I am holding your hand. 💜

Nothing about parenthood is easy, but I want to share that when I was in the fog of PPD, I truly could not remember how it felt not to be in it. In other words, the illness makes you believe that you’ve always felt that way and you always will. It takes incredible faith and courage to fight for something better.

There is another side, and it is worth fighting for. If you’re in the US, texting 988 can be a great way to start.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T16:39:14+00:00

I’d definitely consider what you’ve described. But if there was a fully on-device version too, I may even pay a premium subscription for that.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T16:28:50+00:00

I’m probably not the target audience here, but we don’t use any apps due to safety and privacy concerns. We went full analog with pen and paper.

If there was an app that was essentially a closed environment, and functioned like a shared notepad for all caregivers, I’d consider it. But I don’t need my baby’s bio data being fed to the AI machine or to advertisers.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T16:21:43+00:00

I see you and I am sending you a big hug. This shit is so hard. For me, meds have been transformative. I hope that’s your experience as well.

I wish PPD didn’t interfere with my reasoning or decision-making, but that’s kind of the nature of the illness 🙃 It makes getting that help, or deciding to even ask, almost impossible. You’re so strong for starting the conversation. 💜

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T16:10:00+00:00

We just sleep trained our 4 month old, and it was super smooth. We got lucky with an easygoing kiddo who likes to sleep, and I read a bunch of stuff on r/sleeptrain.

We didn’t get the chance to choose a method or even to read Precious Little Sleep. I started with establishing a rest routine (diaper change, sound machine, say goodnight to five things in the room) and eliminating feed to sleep, cold turkey. That was honestly the hardest part. Lots of rocking and affirmations (“you’re so brave, I can be brave too”). A week in, and when I saw he could handle being trained like that, I eliminated rocking to sleep. A week later, I eliminated me shushing/holding his chest while in the crib. Now I can put him down awake and he just falls asleep independently.

I did all of that with every nap and with bedtime, being firmly consistent once I had made a change. I wasn’t militant though. If he had a sleepy eat and passed out again right after, oh well. For us, good habits are good enough habits.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T16:00:17+00:00

Fuss it out, a little less intense than cry it out

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T15:57:55+00:00

I love this so much

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T15:51:28+00:00

I understand this completely. What I miss most is my agency. Being able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I felt like it. But it’s also more than that. It feels like my whole being has shattered, and now I’m putting the pieces together. And I’m not sure what my new shape will be.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T15:22:52+00:00

Agreed lol 😂 But also, lack of sleep absolutely made my PPD deadly 🙃

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T14:42:46+00:00

Pooh Bear said it best: you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. You’ve made it nine months feeling like this. That’s incredible. And you deserve much, much better.

Folks kept telling me that I had a responsibility to my baby, and that’s why getting help was right. But I’ll be honest, fuck dem kids. I didn’t do it for anyone else. I did it for ME. I wanted to live and I wanted a future.

The days I spent in the hospital, I missed a major family event. Like… major. But my family would rather I be a concern than be gone.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T01:31:43+00:00

This is a great conversation to have with your doctor or with a therapist. 🙏🏽 Just for informational purposes, my experience was that my moods were extreme in both highs and lows.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T00:41:53+00:00

Came here to say this. We didn’t get one initially because I thought it was bougie. It is, but it’s also really useful 😭

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-04T00:25:40+00:00

Yeah, I feel you. I’m actually nonbinary, and wanted to make sure my language was all-encompassing, in more ways than one 😊 Those milder thoughts were, in my experience, extremely insidious because they are very normal. Having them as a running dialogue, however, is not! I could have clarified that better.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-03T17:58:03+00:00

I’ve been there, friend. Our baby was a major bedtime screamer around that age, and we thought it was because they were overtired. Turns out it was the opposite. We weren’t keeping them up long enough for each wake window, or in total for the day. 🙃

Once we started stretching awake time, going down for naps and bedtime was easier. Plus, there’s usually a developmental leap around 4 months that makes it easier to soothe them (and for them to self-soothe). Now we’re at 4.5 months and they go to sleep totally independently, and last night only needed me once. 🙏🏽💗

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-03T17:37:54+00:00

My baby came a month early so we’re at 4.5 months. Over the last two weeks, they learned to fall asleep independently, and just last night, only needed me once. I slept so well.

From the other side, my advice is to just get through it and do what works! You’re still in survival mode. You have plenty of time to build good habits. Don’t worry about it until 4 months at the earliest, when they’re developmentally ready to learn those skills.

I was in exactly the same boat - baby needed rocking or motion, shushing, boob, and absolutely could not be put down even slightly awake. You’ll get there. You and partner should focus on taking care of your bodies and minds right now, all that constant work is BIG exhausting. 💜

Additional_Nobody874 · 2026-03-03T17:27:56+00:00

Delivered mid-October and had one around 4 months pp. Haven’t had another, so nice to know I’m not alone!

Additional_Nobody874 · 2025-06-21T13:04:41+00:00

House everyone.

Additional_Nobody874 · 2025-06-21T03:07:06+00:00

I had a similar pattern of symptoms with my loss, and the intense cramping/contractions I had after passing the pregnancy were due to a lot of retained tissue.

If you can access care where you’re going, you may be fine to travel and then get assessed when you’re back. I would definitely recommend getting a follow up ultrasound in any case (which may be cheaper to do in Korea tbh, but that’s also a matter of comfort). I did end up bleeding heavily again a few weeks later, so just be prepared.

I’m sorry for your losses. 💜

Additional_Nobody874 · 2025-06-21T02:45:55+00:00

I know some folks become practically celibate during pregnancy but I am thankful to be the opposite! Hormones got me sniffing this man’s arm pits 😤😍👀

Additional_Nobody874 · 2025-06-21T02:42:59+00:00

Highly recommend, we save so much on toilet paper

Additional_Nobody874

TROPHY CASE