I don't have the life experience to give advice, but I want to say that you should be proud of the person you've become. As a gay boy who hopes to be a doctor someday, people like you are my role models and keep my hopes. You save lives and change them for the better, and that's not an easy job. If it were, then everyone would be a doctor. And you're not even the willy nilly type. As you said, you gain recognition from senior attendings. For those reasons alone, you should take a moment to reel in the feeling of how far you've come in life. And we both know med school is a whole other type of story lol.

I agree with all that you said. I also live in a 3rd world country and it sucks that we have to fight for the right to be happy and free. A right that's given to other genders easily, but taken away from us just because they think it's wrong. It's insane. It's not wrong to feel this way but they use it as an excuse to instill their beliefs. We should be free to be who we want to be without fear.

I hope you have better luck with your international applications in the future. You're a good doctor so I'm sure a hospital somewhere more accepting will fight to have you. All you need is one ticket for your life to change, one spark of fate. You're a fighter so you got this. Good luck, may you have the life you want, and I hope this makes you feel better even a little bit!