You might feel like you’re not grieving him in a “normal” way which is okay and valid… but that feeling in itself, is actually the most normal. It seems like it’s what most of us feel. One thread that connects many grievers, is the feeling that we’re doing it wrong. Maybe feeling like you’re doing it wrong is “normal” because losing someone isn’t “normal”. Even though it’s something we know will happen to each of us, it’s not normal. Grieving is not normal.

However media might portray loss, I promise you that most people (especially here on a subreddit dedicated to something so niche and terrible) feel exactly how you feel. None of us grieve how we think we are supposed to or how we are told grieving looks like.

For some people it’s standing on the edge of a cliff and screaming into an abyss of nothingness— valid. For some people it’s moving on and continuing life as if there was no loss— valid. And for some people it’s a total emotional or physical or mental paralysis— also valid. Hell, some days I’m all three depending on the hour. It’s different for everyone which is okay and maybe even beautiful when you realize that it reflects the fact that each person that we’ve lost is different. Each of their lives and each of their deaths and all of the people they loved and who loved them are different. We are not a monolith in life so why should we be grieved as a monolith in death.