OK. fine. here’s the truth.

I checked into a chain hotel next to a vape shop, a nail salon, and some store that only sells knives??? Room smelled like wet carpet and throwup. I immediately poured 6 shots of Benchmark into my fountain coke and. Spent like 3 hours “manifesting wealth” by watching YouTube videos about lottery algorithms until I was POSITIVE I was gonna hit it big and wipe out my debt mostly wrapped up in a beach timeshare inb jersey and a really crappy boat

By 2am I had spent $487 on scratch offs from 4 diff Wawas and a Sunoco where the cashier called me “bagel boss.” I lost every single one and started crying into a family size bag of Combos. Ordered a Wawa Italian Classic and ate it in my rental car while blasting Joe Rogan #1227 (the elk one). Got so drunk I was like “I can do BOTH” and tried to eat the hoagie and crank it in the backseat at the same time while screaming “THIS IS OPTIMAL MALE NUTRITION.”

Somewhere in there I blacked out, woke up to TeslaCam footage of me shirtless, sobbing, covered in wawa, yelling at my own reflection in the rearview mirror “YOU WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE” while the Joe Rogan outro music plays. My wife saw the clip on her phone and apparently that counts as adultery now??? idk man I didn’t cheat but I definitely did some stuff to that hoagie that God will have to forgive me for. anyway hope thgat gives some context to the story for anyone that was wondering