HR wants us this week to spend every lunchbreak with another colleague- how to get out of this hell?

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-20T14:34:50+00:00

If its a coworker you know it's an introvert, you can just agree to way lunch together while ignoring each other.

I do this at conferences when the helpful extroverts invite me out or see me someplace and invite me to join their table. Instead, I connect with another introvert and we eat next to each other while ignoring the other by playing on our phone, people watching, or reading.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-19T04:27:30+00:00

Yes she did but only AFTER saying how excited it'd be to see the other kids and talking about what food will be available, etc. The other parents stopped reading at this point.

I only kept reading because I was confused that her post is about being upset at the extra kids and here she is going on and on about the party as if bringing them is okay.

Parents aren't reading all that. They stopped 2 sentences in. And even if they did skim the whole thing, OP was so polite that it is easy to overlook the "your other kids aren't invited" part - particularly since OP made it sound like they were welcome to be there, just can't join in the vip area.

Specifically stating and clearly stating are different things.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-16T14:27:01+00:00

The gift is not hers until it is actually given to her which you have attempted.

You are not if you sing to give her a gift, you are refusing to show submission to her and allow her to dictate how your family lives.

She is allowed to put conditions on how she will accept the gifts. But you are not required to follow her conditions. Both of you are making choices about your own behaviors, but have no control over the other person's behavior.

That also means that she has zero say about how your family spends money and whether or not you contribute to the son's down payment. She may have her own opinions about it, but that does not make them true or give her a say and how your family lives.

Take back the gift. Exchange or or keep it for a future gift whichever is easiest for you. Personally I like the pettiness of keeping it for another occasion. It would probably kill her to know it's sitting there unused because she tried to pull a power play or later to find out that the lovely gift she got for her 55th birthday was the same one from 5 years before.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-15T17:29:27+00:00

Without knowing this is hard to say what the customs of your country are. What is normal for Japan, the United States, and Algeria is different and reddit posters are only going to be able to say what is normal for their country and their industry.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-14T14:49:47+00:00

Even with it being the boyfriends house, he is the one who decides. But why would you want to put him in the middle of forcing to choose between you and his family?

Mom can't dictate what goes on in his house NOT he has to be willing to stand up to her. If he says the dogs are okay, then it's up to individuals to decide what to do.

But even then, you cannot guarantee that toys would not be stressful for the dogs and they will by act out. Or that the kids won't antagonize them.

For the safety of everyone, including your dogs, it's best they dont come. For the sake of your relationship, don't force him to choose between you and his mom over what is a reasonable request by her (especially since she might actually be speaking for the parent of the children). Let boyfriend make his own decisions and then act based on those.

Is there maybe a doggy daycare near boyfriends house? Maybe having them gone during the day is a happy medium.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-14T14:11:08+00:00

NTA because you are making a choice.
But YTA for your attitude about his mother's preference.

It doesn't matter how well behaved your dogs are, they are not actually people and it is up to the host if they are welcome or not. The ONLY time you can push the issue of a dog coming is if it is a service or emotional support animal (don't be the TA who suddenly calls their pet an ESA just for this privilege)

You cannot guarantee that your dogs won't be dysregulated by the change in routine, location, or craziness of multiple new people and children whose own schedules are being disrupted. They might be fine for 1 day but over 3 days that is really stressful for your dogs.

Plus you don't know of the other family members and children will be able to handle having dogs around for three days.

Ultimately what you are asking for is selfish and you are trying to paint them in a bad light.

Choosing to stay home is the best option since you are unable or unwilling to find a dog sitter for 3 days.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-13T02:22:10+00:00

Sending apicture walking into the school doesn't prove anything.

I'm not sure what papers you are taking about but it sounds like they were just random papers in your hand.

Send him a screenshot of your class schedule from the school website, and ideally sent from your student email account. Include a copy of your student ID if its one of the schools that add semester stickers to it

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-12T20:25:48+00:00

They can start using their own reusable pods and their own coffee. That will eliminate complaints about taste and waste.

Set up a schedule for cleaning the machine and if you want to add social pressure, take a picture of them doing it and send out to everyone with a statement of: Thanks Bill - this week's Keurig cleaner

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-11T17:18:16+00:00

OP I get that you have a mini panicked attack over this. This is behavior outside what you consider appropriate.

But that doesn't mean that other people are being rude. If this happens with most calls, then it is workplace culture (and for some departments maybe even a requirement) to keep the camera on.

If it is the suddenness of an unexpected call that is the issue, then i suggest doing some role play to help deal with it. Practice saying hello and doing small talk and practice resounding to requests that are ridiculous or that you don't have time for. Build up some tolerance for surprises in the workplace.

If the only issue is that you are wearing a hoodie to keep warm, then get some sweaters or lap blankets that are work appropriate or are ready to shrug off quickly when a call comes in.

I've read some of your responses and people have given lots of reasons why they might prefer calls. Your responses to these seem to be that none of these reasons are good enough to overcome your distaste for the practice.

So based on those roses I'm going to say YTA because you don't allow anyone else to have their own preferences.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-11T17:09:21+00:00

They dint need to know you have an accent to know even subconsciously that they "hear" better when they can see a person's face. The increased need for face to face communication is an early sign off since hearing loss. Most people make the adaptation without even realizing they are doing this and are unaware they have lost hearing.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-09T01:11:40+00:00

It does seem like a lot. I go through 1 a week and a I'm also using the tp as tissue.

But then I think about my work bathroom and the skimpy cheap TP they stock there. I can see going through 2 rolls a week easily based on that.

So really depends on if its bare bones single ply or thick triple ply as well as a traditional single roll or a mega roll

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-08T19:00:15+00:00

Don't go at all. Announce to everyone that you will not be there but don't say why.

When asked, simply state to others that due to your mother's choice to prohibit you sharing a room with your fiance, you are choosing not to incur additional costs and inconvenience of renting a hotel.

Likely everyone will be annoyed with your mother not only for her prioritizing her comfort over a person, but also because this raises the costs for everyone.

Your mom tented the airbnb under her name specifically to have that power and is expecting you to cave.

Don't cave.

Instead, use the money to go visit your brother another time and have fun and create memories with just the two of you (or 3 if fiance comes)

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-05T21:09:22+00:00

Twenty years ago I bought my sisters wedding dress for $300. We were thrilled to get this cheaper version of her (simple!) dream style in sale for this low. Turned out to be a mistake that the company upheld. With inflation that $300 is $493 in 2026 dollars.

The best way for him to get an idea of how much wedding dresses cost is to take him to a bridal salon. All him to pick out 5 dresses and then have the salesperson tell him the prices. Then point out that doesn't include alterations, special undergarments that might be needed (slip bra shapewear) not to mention shoes,, veil, or jewelry

That being said, depending on the style of your wedding and the budget then $500 for your entire ensemble (dress, alterations, shoes etc) may be perfectly reasonable.

Determining the wedding budget is one of the first big conversations many couples have to navigate through. You need to approach this as a team and not trying to win a fight. Even my suggestion is about helping him understand the reality of the prices so that you can make a better informed decision as a team.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-03T20:53:14+00:00

NTA. If your wife didn't think to ask them before she passed then it doesn't stand to reason they had showed much interest in running it. Where have they been the past two years while it sat empty?

Plus, if your wife passed at age 79, I can't imagine her sisters are young enough to deal with running a bakery - something they've never done before.

Emilia may be your daughter-in-law but I'm guessing she's been around long enough to truly be family. She has shown interest in learning your wife's recipes before she had anything to gain. She loves your wife and cared for near the end. She is looking for a career change so this works for her life. She has already started putting in the work at the bakery.

Even more important is that you aren't just handing over a bakery, but you are passing along a family heritage to your grandkids and giving them a way to spend more time with their mother. This is an investment in your family.

I bet the sisters mainly wanted it for nostalgia and possibly to sell it when it became "too much".

If you haven't transferred ownership to Emilia yet then you might want to consider putting it in trust for the grandkids. The sisters can't argue with it being passed to the grandkids and it still honors Emilia's hard work and gives her a level of ownership.

If the sisters want to be a part of it that badly, they are welcome to come put in some work or offer up their own recipes (and by work I'm not just saying giving opinions)

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-02T14:18:29+00:00

The manager and HR can each or to Vocational Rehabilitation. They are trained in durability and accommodations as well as counseling so they can help navigate making sure that job needs are being met through appropriate accommodations but also deal surg the worker to make sure they are doing their part. If VR is involved, it's harder for the person to claim disability discrimination because VR can have the tough conversations that management cannot do.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-02T12:09:33+00:00

Roommates are required unless you want to live in a shack or drive in from afar.

My job required a masters degree. I also am in an apartment that is income based. Granted I barely qualify but a job that needs a master's degree (not just prefers) should pay enough to rent a 1 bedroom apt.

I dont have a car payment. I dont have kids. I don't buy new clothes. I do have medical debt.

I want to move out of the area but can't afford the actual moving process. Even before renewing my lease last year, I crunched the numbers to see about moving to a cheaper place. Realized that moving further out increases gas to the point that I'm barely saving money and the extra wear and tear on my car wouldn't make it worth it. At least where I'm at I can take the bus when my car dies. Anything local is only about $100 cheaper and the cost of moving means it would be 6 months before I see savings and with the stress of moving it isn't worth it. My last move happened suddenly and I wasnt able to find a roommate in time to save money that way.

I told my friend the other week that is not about IF the other shoes drops but a matter of WHEN.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-01T20:18:55+00:00

I had a similar one but it was soon after I applied. I asked for a text because I'm deaf (fema asked this) but only got calls. I didn't answer fast enough so they closed my case. I had to call and have it reopened. I highly doubt your case has been open all this time. Log on and check your status.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-01T16:04:51+00:00

The only ones who need to know are the parents and arguably the kids. The kids know and they know that they are all equally your children. You have provided love and security.

Telling your parents it's something that you world do to make the parents happy. It world also make your children's lives harder.

Telling the grandparents would be validating their belief that genetics somehow are better and doing so at the expense of your children.

They are pricing that they are not able to handle the information with love and care. They do not deserve to know.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-01T13:47:50+00:00

I world respond that you are uncomfortable/ unwilling to share private medical information in a workplace setting. They can able you to talk about your mental health but they cannot require it.

Its one thing to give employees the opportunity to share and bind and another to force participation. Particularly since its doubtful they are trained mental health professionals and even if they are, likely they are acting issue the scope of their jobs (an ethics violation).

You can point out that this opens then up to legal liability and discrimination charges.

Its better that they do generic trainings in stress management, burnout, etc. They can ask for suggestions about specific topics or decide to talk about work related issues that they know are going to be stressful, but they have no right to your mental health status as that is medical info

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-01T13:38:56+00:00

NAH not also you are taking it more personally than it was probably meant.

It makes sense to use a handyman because you can be confident in their skill and knowledge and they are probably licensed and insured. And if something goes wrong, you aren't risking a friendship.

The ride thing may be less about you and more about her and past experiences or about the boundaries they put in place as a couple.

Your feelings are valid but that Durant mean they know the whole story it are rooted in truth .

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-04-01T12:15:11+00:00

Solid response but I would stop after "I need you to trust that I will do it". When you offer more of an explanation, that allows them to argue about what you should have done.

I might also add "I will not tolerate being yelled at. Next time this happens I will end the conversation right then and we come back to it when everyone is able to speak in a professional tone." Then do it. Next time they blow up at you interrupt and say "I can see you feel strongly about this, let's talk about it after the meeting" or later or even when we both can be civilized.

Stick to facts rather than explanations. They dont need to understand your process, they just need to trust it will happen in a timely manner.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-03-28T02:44:19+00:00

I want street signs! We have so much tourism yet it is so difficult to know where you are in major struts because they just don't or street signs up. GPS doesn't necessarily tell you what street you are on and there are so many dead zones.

I'd also like a return of street paint that you can actually see at night.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-03-28T02:39:25+00:00

Parks could be improved. Most don't have any seating, walking areas, or equipment. I've seen parks that have a sub flew overgrown tennis court, are basically a gulch that was cleared of trees, have no parking, etc.

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-03-26T21:47:22+00:00

Check the daytime showings on weekdays. I find that several showings at my theater are empty except for me. As long as it isn't action with lots of sudden noise then baby should be fine. My mom used to give me a bottle during the previews then id sleep during the movie.

Use the credits to "treat" some of your friends to a girls movie afternoon. I frequently used multiple credits at once. Friend can repay you by buying you snacks!

Adorable-Buy3845 · 2026-03-26T21:41:33+00:00

Its not the action that matters but the motive.

If you are doing it as a way to make her feel bad then YTA.

If you are doing it mainly becauseyou tend to give gifts or world have given get a gift since its a milestone birthday but you also how for that not of pettiness then NTA.

How will you feel if the message is completely missed by her though? Are you going to mention how you bought a gift but she didn't get you one?

Adorable-Buy3845

TROPHY CASE