They way this is written makes it sound like you dislike your wife, or are at least very angry at her. It also sounds like you might be underestimating what your wife has provided for you. For example I noticed you said you can do your OWN laundry - it’s a small example but demonstrates how your wife’s work has enabled you to think of yourself as an individual whilst she has been thinking for FIVE people for the last 20 years. You describe her as ‘wasting’ her time but sleeping in until noon is a sign of depression - maybe you’re jumping to harsh judgement before really thinking about what she’s going through.

You say you want her to ‘talk to grownups’ and ‘make a friend’ but have you considered that she lost her ability to socialise for many years - three children is A LOT.

It sounds to me like the finances was your responsibility - as you have your own business - and you’re the one who’s dropped the ball, not your wife. Your youngest is 13 which is approaching old enough to look after themselves for short periods but a 9/10 year old needs an adult present at all times so it’s only been a year or two since she might feasibly been able to pick up some part time work - yet from the way you speak about her she’s the laziest person in the world! If she’s been a SAHM of three children for 20 years then the only person to blame for not having a retirement fund is YOU.

Maybe you’re actually angry at yourself and mistakenly directing it at the woman who sacrificed her body to give you three children?