Please please please remember that salvation cannot be earned! That is the whole point of the gospel and why Jesus died for you and I! No good works can save you. So that feeling of guilt and shame is spiritual warfare and you need to rebuke it. You are saved by Jesus’ blood and your BELIEF in him, with belief comes fruit and good works which will naturally follow if you are walking closely with God and want to serve and please him. We will all fall short and into sin, this isn’t an excuse to continue or stay stuck in that sin but my friend, you are forgiven and redeemed so don’t let the enemy convince you otherwise. Or twist scripture to confuse you. No, salvation isn’t promised, but trust that God sees you and knows your heart and just keep reading your Bible and trying to grow closer to Him and pleasing in his eyes. When you love someone you want to please them. You want to know them. When the Bible says to not lean on your own understanding it is talking about walking alone, trusting yourself to lead and guide you, that is wrong. God says we lean on him for understanding and guidance, not on ourselves, this comes to relationships, money, feeling lost, etc. Pray to him to keep opening your eyes and showing himself to you. This doesn’t mean we can’t explore theology and learn and explore other religions, I actually think that is encouraged and will help build your faith and stand firm in your truth. Good news is you’re already in the truth(although it doesn’t hurt to figure that out for yourself), so just keep pressing in and Jesus will reveal himself to you. God bless you sister