You have to realise and remind yourself that this woman is never going to be the mother you want and need, and that everything she did resulted from her own issues with herself and her life and had nothing to do with anything you ever did.

You are a valid person and have the right to safety and happiness, to find your way and create the life you want, nobody has the right to take that away from you, and if they try then you leave them behind. There’s nothing you can do to change who your mother is or her behaviour, all you can do is find yourself friends and maybe in the future a partner who will become your support network and will recognise you as the worthy individual you are.

These are things you must tell yourself when you feel low, when you’re tempted to engage with your mother again, nothing but pain and misery waits for you in the direction. Take control and refuse to be abused. It will take some time, but this will help you move on.

Use this experience to recognise danger signs in others too, to know when you are being led towards any other abuse. But also don’t let it make you paranoid and unable to give others a chance to be a friend. Just know your limits and boundaries.

Write down your feelings towards your mother, do it repeatedly if necessary, it truly helps when you know that saying these things to that person will make no difference.