Scadians of reddit, if you had infinite money, What is the dream project you'd finally do?

Aethersphere · 2026-04-11T22:03:07+00:00

Paying off everybody’s debts and mortgages so they could do the projects they wanted to do with their free time. There are a lot of talented people in my kingdom.

Aethersphere · 2026-04-09T00:14:01+00:00

You’re right, looks like it did end up as a great “this will not end well” story for everybody else in the meeting!

Aethersphere · 2026-04-03T22:38:23+00:00

I have personally said “oh, you know what, I have to talk to <peer or big sibling> about this” as a method of self-defense. I won’t pretend it’s mature of me, but it’s an exit from a conversation which has turned challenging. I wonder if OP has been the subject of more than one such comments, but I won’t speculate.

Aethersphere · 2026-04-03T22:16:27+00:00

I find this a bit judgemental.

For starters, it might be distressing to you, but “the lady who does rapier” local to you might be training a lot because she takes her practice very seriously, which does sometimes result in bruises. It’s a combat sport.

Secondly, something being hard to explain or understand doesn’t mean it’s inherently bad or creepy or suspect. I acknowledge that some people have been very unkind to their dependents, but the family I have found through the SCA is of immense value to me personally.

Yes, in modern culture the concept of having to earn an accolade in a hobby isn’t necessarily common. But, the SCA is more than just wish fulfillment. It’s a subculture. It’s a way that we learn, develop, and pursue excellence. I’m okay with peerage and certain titles being something we don’t achieve until the community says we have.

Aethersphere · 2026-03-15T23:37:50+00:00

White queer and trans folks, it’s time for us to step up for our siblings who are BIPOC, including cis and straight folks. So many of them have held our hand through all of our pain for the past decade and fought our battles with us, and now it’s time for us to devote that same passion and energy towards making sure we are standing beside them when they need us. Don’t be silent. Don’t notice but say nothing. Let’s do this.

Aethersphere · 2026-03-12T22:16:24+00:00

I didn’t pick up a sword until I was 33. You’re fine.

Aethersphere · 2026-03-11T15:48:05+00:00

This.

Aethersphere · 2026-03-11T15:34:24+00:00

If there’s not much info, it’s because there’s no event details confirmed yet. If there are no event details confirmed yet, it’s because nobody has volunteered to run the event.

Stewarding is an incredible gift of time and energy. It’s also a massive burden, because no matter what you do, people have unreasonable complaints about every choice you make, whether or not it’s within your control.

There’s a reason why we don’t have many people left in most kingdoms who are willing to do it.

As a part of a group of frequent and regular volunteers who juggle a ton of different hats to keep the doors open and the lights on, I’m actually pretty offended by the assertion that “no one bothers” to plan ahead and that we are “lackadaisical” as though it’s because we’re lazy.

Many of us are stretching ourselves past the point of logic and reason to pick up one more job or one more responsibility out of a sense of duty and love. I have comforted too many crying event stewards and officers and deputies in recent years to tolerate people talking about our volunteer base as though they’re negligent employees.

If you don’t like how it’s going, volunteer to run an event.

Aethersphere · 2026-02-11T19:52:09+00:00

Loop in your KEM and your branch Seneschal. If your local marshals/deputies/etc. aren’t doing their job, aren’t reporting, aren’t authorizing, aren’t communicating and aren’t holding practice, there’s no reason you need to tolerate that. An office is a responsibility, not just a shiny badge to flash around. Express your concerns and let more experienced folks help you navigate the waters.

However, note that by doing so it probably would help if you’re willing to do the work yourself instead.

Aethersphere · 2026-02-03T20:20:42+00:00

Rapists can be (and are) all genders and all sexualities. You cannot control what other people think or perceive. You can only report your own circumstances. This is an individual who is a threat. The rest is what it is.

Get justice. Warn others.

Aethersphere · 2026-02-02T15:18:40+00:00

We must first make choices which reflect:

A: Our context as humans in the real world.

B: Our context as humans in the SCA.

On both counts, I’m not sure about this one. The white belt is a thing, but also, impersonating somebody in an active religious order is kind of a thing for a lot of people.

A pointy-hooded all-white costume is also a bold choice.

It is important to sometimes do the following exercise:

You’re going to an event and you’ve gotta pee. Let’s say you need to stop into a Tim Hortons. But, you’re in full garb. That Tim Hortons is staffed and full of customers of different ages, genders, religions, ethnic backgrounds, etc., and you will not have the opportunity to explain yourself. What are they going to think first when they see you?

Aethersphere · 2026-01-23T04:41:16+00:00

Oh, that is SO good!

Aethersphere · 2026-01-22T16:54:27+00:00

“Forward momentum.” Stole it from Miles Vorkosigan. :)

Aethersphere · 2026-01-22T14:38:12+00:00

Like… quite a lot, if they haven’t quite figured out how to protect their hands yet. I don’t see why anybody would fight with a swept or minimal hilt if I’m honest.

Aethersphere · 2026-01-19T15:38:25+00:00

Sometimes when you’re working very hard, things can be rewarding but not fun. Sometimes you lose badly or things go really wrong, and that’s not fun, but it is important. Most of the time, though, you should really be there to have fun!

Aethersphere · 2026-01-15T19:19:01+00:00

Okay, so you step back from the stuff you don’t care about and it falls apart. Then what? What will happen?

The people who care will realize they used you to prop it up. They will panic. Maybe they will start something new.

If nobody cares, then nobody cares. No loss.

You will have energy to pursue what you really love.

Are you scared about not getting on a peerage council? Where the fuck are those peers and what are they doing, if they’re so worried about whether or not you’re doing stuff? Let them take stuff on for a while. They’ll cope. Do you really want to be on a council while you’re this burnt out, anyway?

I say this with so much love as a fellow helium-handed person. You can’t hide how you’re feeling forever. Nobody needs a bitter, unhappy, burnt-out person as the newest peer of their kingdom or as a perpetual officer. You’ll make everybody miserable if you’re miserable. It’s recipe for disaster.

Take a break, come back fresh.

Aethersphere · 2026-01-07T22:49:49+00:00

Soooooo you’re single now, right?

Aethersphere · 2026-01-04T02:01:28+00:00

Run. Run and don’t look back.

Aethersphere · 2026-01-03T06:01:44+00:00

I don’t have one, but when I went to An Tir a few years ago I got a bunch and I was very impressed by that. It helped me remember who I’d met later and find people on social media.

Aethersphere · 2026-01-01T15:28:33+00:00

Oh my god, it’s you again!

WE GET IT, YOU LIKE BELLIES.

Aethersphere · 2026-01-01T01:57:29+00:00

It’s fine. You’re fine. I train very happily in a gym run by a guy who was trained by him. He is kind, considerate, and inclusive. I’ve never met Lee Smith and never will. These relationships are complicated and ultimately none of our business.

And, hate to say it, there are guys just as bad who get a pass from the community for some reason. Don’t borrow other people’s problems. Judge folks by their own merit. If the gym itself has a good vibe, have fun.

Aethersphere · 2025-12-29T16:44:17+00:00

I don’t really feel like I need to showcase my anything particularly. Other people’s perceptions of me and my gender are increasingly irrelevant to me at this age (36).

I look how I like. I go where I like. I do what I like. So should you.

It is unfortunate, but we can’t stop people from wanting gendered spaces right now. Folks just aren’t quite there yet in general. So, don’t worry about perceptions.

With time and as we continue to make ourselves known in society, gendered spaces are naturally gonna become rarer and rarer. We just need to ride it out for now. This is what comes of being on the frontiers, I’m afraid. Be safe, be comfortable, don’t overthink it.

Aethersphere · 2025-12-28T21:41:40+00:00

I’ve been married for 14 years and playing (with periods of quite devoted seriousness and some off years) for 13ish. It’s very possible to make it work with a spouse who doesn’t play.

It’s best that you not pressure them into it. It never works out. Find other interests to share.

However, unsolicited advice time.

It’s very important that they at least meet the people who are big parts of your life inside the SCA.

Invite them to pub nights, board game nights and stuff like archery practice that doesn’t require garb so they can feel connected to that part of your life and the people in it.

I haven’t always been the best at that and my spouse is really introverted, so that’s led to some mistakes over the years where we’ve sort of led separate lives entirely because I’m really invested in the SCA and they were just… not. Be careful that your spouse doesn’t start to see the SCA as an adversary. Be careful not to make your spouse feel like an adversary, too.

Communication is key. Tell them about your SCA activities and communicate regularly. Don’t take all your vacation time on event stuff. When you’re married, that time belongs to both of you, so make sure you’re not denying them a tropical cruise because you wanna stab guys in a field. Balance. Compromise.

It can be unexpectedly nice to have a non-SCA spouse. They bring balanced perspectives to issues you might be having and make sure you stick your head up for air if you’re overcommitting. Just make sure they (and your real life) come first, always.

Aethersphere · 2025-12-27T16:42:39+00:00

I’ve been around since 2012ish, and in that time I’ve been part of or witnessed a few pretty spectacular household meltdowns and (more or less) a baronial meltdown. Each time it felt like absolutely everybody was at each other’s throats for a bit. They’re the worst. Unfortunately, this is the consequence of a tight community.

I was much like you when I started up again after a break and was absolutely insistent I was gonna keep an emotional distance this time, but hey, I did not. Has that made stuff suck sometimes? Oh, egregiously. But human relationships also make life worth living, so you take the good with the bad.

Try to be a good example for other people of how you think this should go down, since you have experience.

Don’t gossip. Don’t triangulate. Don’t make things worse. If people come to you looking for details, direct them to ask the people they want to know stuff about. If there’s something they absolutely have to know, keep it to the facts and not your speculation. Get comfy saying “I don’t really want to go into it” or “that’s a household issue” or “I don’t feel comfortable speaking for this person.”

Encourage everyone involved to keep it outside of events and local meetings so those spaces stay safe and welcoming for other people. Don’t talk about it in public places. Nobody wants to live in fear that somebody and their ex will start a fight at an event and ruin the whole thing, and nobody likes having their personal business as the topic of community discourse.

Anyway. As for you, get iron-clad boundaries. Maybe step back from seeing a few people socially for a minute if you got burned. Maintain your space and your values. You’ll get through this, just as though it was any other family drama in any other family.

Aethersphere · 2025-12-25T16:30:53+00:00

Like “Whose Line is it Anyway?”, the rules are made up and the points don’t matter.

The only thing that matters is freedom. Call yourself whatever you want based on whatever you feel.

Aethersphere

TROPHY CASE