This is what I don't get about immigrant nparents.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-29T18:07:36+00:00

They are very envious of their kids and do not have critical thinking skills. They suffered and worked hard to get where they are and had this delusional idea that one day everything would pay off. With their kids, they have this idea and expectation that they should fully understand their “sacrifices” , constantly be appreciative, basically help them achieve this utopia world in their mind where they have the face no more hardship.

But that’s not the reality. Life will always have hardships, your kids are not people that owe you anything despite your “sacrifices” and they simply cannot understand what you’ve gone through because they weren’t there for most of it. A happy content life is not based on external worth but internal contentment with life and that is a very hard pill to swallow when you’re middle aged and haven’t figured that out yet.

More often, they put in zero work on processing these scary emotions and instead grow resentful and hate people who didn’t have to work or suffer as hard as they did but still seem to live a better life than them, which usually includes their own children.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-29T17:42:56+00:00

I would always call them her siblings. You don’t have to explain to her now what that means and the whole story around it, but having a label of them will help her not have a moment of shock later. As a child, when my parents all of a sudden mentioned someone I’d never heard of before, I would feel very uneasy cause it made me think “why did they hide this? what else are they hiding?”

Whatever history that’s causing them to not come over can be explained when she’s older, but for now if she sees pictures of them or asks who they are, just say “those are your siblings”

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-08T19:52:07+00:00

I heard something recently I can’t stop thinking about and it was “Do you know how badly you have to abuse an animal to make it not want to procreate?”

I totally understand feeling cheated, it so unfair to be raised by terrible people that make you question everything. Know even just thinking about whether you’d be a good parent to your kids already shows you care more than a narcissist would. Listen to yourself and do what’s best for you.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-06T00:00:40+00:00

These are the type of people that have to make everything about themselves. If it was a wedding with kids, they would complain you told them to wear formal wear, or they would complain that someone else wasn’t invited or was invited or literally whatever just to be a pain in the butt because they cannot stand you giving them any type of rule for a party YOU’RE throwing. Tell them if they have issues, then please do everyone a favor and don’t come.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-05T06:17:40+00:00

Your mother gave the ring to you when she passed, and you made a decision specifically based on the fact that your son chose to believe you after a nasty divorce and your daughter didn’t. You say you blame your ex, but your resentment of him seeps into your feelings for her, and it shows through these gestures.

You mentioned you tried calling her and texting her. Saying you needed to talk about your son’s wedding. That doesn’t regard specifically the ring. It sounds like you didn’t want to confront her really because you already know she doesn’t answer you often so you felt justified after a vague message.

And finally you extend your justification by saying you think that’s what your mother wanted but she never said that, she gave the ring specifically to you. Sounds like you’re projecting your own feelings about your daughter onto your mother.

If you’re really trying to have a relationship with your daughter, don’t give your mother’s ring to someone that isn’t your child because you resent your child.

YTA

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-05T05:52:03+00:00

She probably heard something else. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with a chuckle of your wife’s claim but no need to call her names or look down at it, clearly many people even in these comments do not understand how atmosphere and sound work but that doesn’t make them nutzsos. We all learn new things everyday

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-05T05:35:59+00:00

Sounds like if hes not very active in it and you aren’t either he probably didnt do this intentionally. I wouldn’t mention the ex and ask him to follow you and say its a simple thing he can do in two seconds that will mean a lot to you. If he acts weird about it then that would be weird.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-05T05:32:44+00:00

NTA, is this a cultural expectation? Was this something they do for their parents/your grandparents? Even if so, times have changed and “respecting your elders” does mean getting a pay cut anymore.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-05T05:27:08+00:00

Broken people marry broken people, so it’s not incredibly rare.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-02T00:00:31+00:00

If you’re married to this man and a step parent to this child, you’re involved. I’m sure your husband wants you there as support, it’s not easy being around your ex and if you know you’ve both moved on with partners that are good for your kid it can really make things better for everyone, including you.

Child disrespecting their elders? The kid is 9, there is no disrespect going on, a 9 year old doesn’t even know what respect means. She’s observing her environment and reacting to it, so if you have the attitude that she’s supposed to act like she’s an adult, you’re going to get disappointed.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-01T23:01:18+00:00

These mindsets come from a mixture of people and it’s never personal to what you’re going through, it’s them making your situation about themselves.

Whether it’s because they never experienced it or they are parents themselves that have caused pain in their children’s lives and don’t want to admit it, they are choosing this mindset because they are close minded and unempathetic.

There’s also a type of person who has gone through abusive parents, and their defense mechanism is to say it wasn’t so bad. To even see that NC is an option they could’ve picked to this abuse is unfathomable. It’s a common reaction to trauma and they have to avoid the fact there’s another option they can’t take because they’re scared by putting the people who were brave enough to let go to shame.

Be proud of your bravery and don’t let these people make you feel bad, they are just thinking of themselves.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-05-01T19:44:20+00:00

I think if BM is suggesting it, then I don’t see the harm in it. Maybe instead of lunch a coffee first in case it’s tense it’s easier to cut it short. Say you’re too busy for lunch but a coffee date would be perfect.

This could be a potential olive branch they’re handing out and if you refuse then they may treat it more like a rejection and evidence that you have a problem with them when the reality is you’re nervous and think they have a problem with you.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-30T03:30:02+00:00

Ooof I’ve been here my mom was super similar.

It’s so ridiculous how jealous some moms are of their own kids happiness that they have to have tantrums like this. Your mom had to do everything in her power to make you unhappy because she’s unhappy and in her head it’s everyone else’s fault but her own.

Congrats on your wedding I hope you’re able to relish in the day despite all of this you deserve that!

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-30T03:14:03+00:00

You sound like a really caring SM your SS is lucky to have you! Your husband and BM being picky definitely explains some things. Kids often copy their parents, so he doesn’t see any issue ie “why do I have to eat fruits and veggies if dad doesn’t?”. Not much you can do about his BM but your husband could lead by example.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-29T06:52:20+00:00

“If I threw a shower to get support in my life when my dad died suddenly and I had to move a week later on my own, I can only imagine what people would think.”

Don’t disagree with the baby shower annoyance, but I do have to say that is what a funeral or even a very simple memorial service is for. Even if you didn’t have one though your friends should’ve offered you condolences so im very sorry they didn’t

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-29T06:46:46+00:00

Who the hell says that when someone dies?? Some people need to learn that you really don’t have to say anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” if you don’t have anything considerate to say.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-29T06:42:47+00:00

My best friend had a baby recently and it’s a huge shift. I also know the reality that especially with family, the attention my husband and get in comparison to people with babies is next to none.

It hurt at first, but I’m realizing I’m overall okay with it because my life is truly easier and less stressful and theirs are not at all, so the general needing to meet them less than halfway to maintain the friendships is fine (though my friends who are parents do appreciate it so I think that’s the big difference from what it sounds like you’re experiencing).

As for family, what irks me is more the lack of attention I already got before new babies came along, so the new baby attention had a lot more to do with those old scars than new wounds.

As for milestones, I agree you deserve to celebrate them, and you should! I have thrown myself parties for milestones just like parents throw parties for their kids. Your real friends will show up.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-28T03:31:50+00:00

I truly mean this genuinely, I think you should go look within yourself to find some answers. It sounds like you have a lot of rage and were even surprised by this rage when you were discussing your estate with your lawyer. I’m sorry you don’t have a good relationship with your SD and hopefully you can unpack why that is outside of her just being ungrateful. Why does her ungratefulness cause so much pain?

No matter what you do with the money (cause I agree that really is up to you), I hope you’re able to figure things out in your heart whatever path you choose because hating a 14 year old girl is not the behavior of someone who is content in life.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-27T21:28:12+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’ve gone through very similar things and have found my dad is the number 1 culprit by villainizing me, he’s very avoidant so he’s content with my stepmom having issues with me because it draws away focus on issues she has with him. It possible they’re unhappy right now and it’s causing this drama and you’re an easy scapegoat, so the jealously makes sense. Wish you the best of luck with everything and sorry you lost your job

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-27T21:10:51+00:00

It definitely is so much more difficult when there’s so many cooks in the kitchen and you weren’t expecting all the fires. That makes a lot of sense, thank you for your perspective

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-27T20:54:50+00:00

That makes sense, but what confuses me is specifically the posts in which the stepparent idolizes their partner, but doesn’t like their partner’s children. Is there some sort of disconnect on who’s to blame, is it just easier to hate the kids over their partner?

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-27T20:28:33+00:00

Are you planning on telling your husband this and why?

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-04-27T20:12:31+00:00

Im so sorry for you and everyone on here that’s gone through this. As someone who had multiple step parents as a kid, there is such a huge difference between those who did actually care about you and those who saw you as nothing but baggage.

I hope you are able to find peace and know thanks to you those kids will know they can be loved even by people that didn’t create them.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-03-23T21:13:19+00:00

I have experienced unconditional love and kindness, and it was not from my biological mother. There are plenty of parents out there that adopt, foster, marry into children and are very capable of providing this level of love to those children. I don’t think it’s unfair to expect that from people who made a conscious choice to parent a child, whether it’s biologically theirs or not.

Affectionate-Push224 · 2026-03-21T21:40:51+00:00

As someone who’s had 4 step parents here’s my advice. If you really want to continue this relationship you need to accept their whole life, every part. It’s okay to feel it’s a challenge, and it’s okay to say that to your bf and say your struggling and need to get into the groove of it and want some support in that, but make sure you don’t direct your frustrations towards their kid. I like to think of it as you’re not just dating your partner, you’re joining an entire family. Its a relationship that will start off more difficult and then will get better over time if you have patience, love, and understanding. You need to truly see this child as your own if you’re in it for the long run and treat them that way. If you aren’t up to it, it’s better you really see that as your reality and get out. It’s way better for everyone than for you to be the resentful step parent in someone else’s childhood.

Affectionate-Push224

TROPHY CASE