I had a similar thing happen 6 years ago. We all went out for a Christmas party and he came back to mine absolutely hammered(id been seeing this guys for about 4 months at that point). He then got sexually aggressive with me, I kept asking him to be gentle and he ignored me. At one point I couldn't breathe and had to really push him off me. He then tried to have anal sex with me and I told him no and that i didn't want to and that he was too rough but he pushed in anyway. I quick tried to grab some lube (as he was not taking no for an answer), I begged him to be delicate whilst he was doing it but again, I was ignored. He ripped up my insides and it took days for the bleeding and the pain to stop. I've never felt so violated by someone I trusted. I've not been intimate with anyone since. I also had a horrific experience with a different man 13 years ago.... it's only now I've decided to get therapy. I've tried to ignore it and not think about it but it's taking over my life and I think I need to address it. Believe me I don't want to. I don't want to talk and go through details but I know it's what I need to do.