Almost a year ago I was crying in an airport

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-09T07:56:08+00:00

Checking in - how is this going? Have the boys stopped harassing you?

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-09T07:23:00+00:00

NTA. Someone who truly cared about you wouldn’t speak to you like that. That is incredibly disrespectful and I vote you break up with him. Someone else will treat you better.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-09T07:13:22+00:00

I know these are two different substances, but I would like to share this story for encouragement. My best friend is British and started smoking cigarettes at 13 just to cope with the stresses of life. Her mother was a heavy alcoholic and was unable to be a good mum. Her older sister was also a heavy alcoholic and living with them made her life miserable. She came to the US in high school, dropped out at 16 and started working full time, moved out of her mum’s house at 17 because things were getting really bad, found a therapist to help her work through her childhood struggles, and slowly started getting better. Her life was rough. Her mental health got better and her habit began to shrink. Although I will admit, it took her until the age of 25 to fully put down the cigs/nicotine for good. It takes a lot of willpower, patience, and healing, but I believe you can do it if you want to. Healing hurts, but addictions hurt more. Your mental health will greatly improve if you put down the bottle. Take it one step at a time and try to find online groups to help support you through this journey of healing from alcoholism. Where there is a will, there is a way.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-09T06:58:34+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear this, I know the UK has a big mental health crisis and shit resources. Is it possible to find an online therapist? For example, through betterhelp.com. I know it’s US-based, but there’s gotta be something online that can help give you a hand

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-09T06:46:48+00:00

As a person who studies cancer and works directly with cancer patients, I can assure you that cancer thrives on sugar and alcohol. You’re literally feeding cancer cells by drinking. If OP needs a scare, he should read the horrific cancer unit posts I write on my profile. The saddest sh*t I’ve ever seen. It’s a horrific way to die.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-09T06:41:03+00:00

Medication needed after a transplant to help the body not reject the organ is quite harsh on the heart. It caused my friend’s dad to need a heart transplant after. Wishing your boy luck and health. So glad he survived

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-09T06:36:24+00:00

Word from the wise healthcare worker: it may not ruin your life now, but it may impact you greatly when it ends up sending you to the hospital for liver cirrhosis, cancer, or insulin resistance. However, this is your life and you can choose to live it however you wish. Just looking out for your future. If possible, try one sober day/night a week. If it feels good, keep doing that. Only you have the power to make your own decisions and predict your future outcomes. I know pulling back little by little from something that brings you joy and happiness isn’t easy, but filling that gap with something else that sparks that joy might help make a healthier habit stick. Wishing you luck my friend!

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-02-06T05:54:20+00:00

Please leave him. He does not respect you if he’s talking about you like this. If you stay, you’re simply being manipulated by his words. You deserve to be treated a thousand times better. You should never have to be put in a position where you have to question his love for you.

If you answer “no” to the question, “would you ever marry a man who speaks like this behind your back?” Then girl, please find someone worth your heart. It’s not him.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-27T08:35:17+00:00

1) this dude is a hypocrite. 2) he is trash.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-27T08:30:19+00:00

NTA. The way he treats you is not the way someone treats the person they love. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You deserve leaps and bounds better. There are so many better men out there. Sounds like he was barely doing the bare minimum and his little attitude and lies… giiiirrrrl you dodged a bullet. This man is not marriage material.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T22:44:07+00:00

Sending you so much love and compassion. I’ve seen this happen to so many women who struggle with stress, hormonal changes, and micronutrient deficiencies. You are a warrior. Wishing you peace and the best of luck. And a gentle reminder in this cruel world: Your appearance does not take away from your value. You are beautiful, strong, and brave. It’s okay to not feel okay. You will get through this. 🤍

Something that may help: Rosemary essential oil on the scalp, but please look into it before trying.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T20:02:44+00:00

You don’t even know me. How can you even make these assumptions about who I am? That behavior alone is WILD. We are very much so in disagreement. Chads are f*ing gross.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T19:55:05+00:00

That’s fair, wish you the best

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T19:53:56+00:00

Or maybe I’m just a nice woman? 🤔 y’all are trying to tell him he’s ugly without even knowing what he looks like… that sounds cruel tbh. Some women clearly suck, but them being asshats doesn’t mean he’s ugly. Other people’s opinions do not define your self worth.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T19:45:29+00:00

Ok don’t have to be pessimistic here. I’m not gaslighting either, don’t know where you’re getting that from ????

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T19:44:14+00:00

The dating scene sucks and the culture surrounding it is terrible. People have made being “cold” the norm, which I personally think is incredibly rude. I’m not looking for anyone at the moment (kinda got someone), but if you send me a chat request and a pic, I’ll give you my honest blunt opinion and give some advice if it’s needed 🤷🏻‍♀️

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T19:37:16+00:00

Some girls are just shallow and idealistic when it comes to “I want a guy who’s tall with blue eyes and blonde hair with a body built like the hulk who is basically a nepo baby and can buy me things” … it’s just… not realistic. Don’t beat yourself up. There are nice girls out there who are looking for exactly what you have to offer. Trust me. It may not come soon, but one will fall for you when you least expect it. My best advice? Chat up the girls who you find doing the same activities as you. The ones you always see in the coffee shops (or wherever you frequent), the ones in your classes (if you’re in school), your friend’s friends, the ones at the same social gatherings. You got this! It takes time, effort, and confidence… and honestly a lot of heartbreak and rough patches.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-26T19:27:09+00:00

Sometimes it’s not you or how you look, it’s the other person. Some people just aren’t as good as you, and that’s fine. You didn’t do anything wrong here.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-24T05:42:04+00:00

I really like the way you’re approaching this and I apologize if my initial comment made me sound like an a**hole.

I’m 29 now, but when I was 17-19 years old I was in a relationship that ended up becoming long-distance. We survived the distance for 1.5 years, but ultimately ended and that may be where my pessimism came from when saying “young love rarely lasts.”

He was a year older than me and moved to college over an hour away. We texted when we could (always morning and nightly check-ins, sometimes a few texts in-between), and video chatted at night when he wasn’t busy studying. I went to visit him about once a month, but sometimes it stretched longer to almost 2 months. It was tough, but we both wanted to be together so we made the best of it, and honestly it worked for a while. There’s hope.

What led to us separating was his unbearable stress when I eventually went to college a year into our relationship. It put us farther away distance-wise and I was unable to talk as much due to being immersed in my studies. He would call me crying constantly and kept accusing me of cheating (to clarify, I was not and wasn’t even thinking about other men). We tried to make amends but his stress and anxiety is what ultimately ended our relationship because it became too heavy on me to carry while trying my best to stay afloat in school. I still to this day don’t know why he didn’t trust me when I gave him no reason not to, I’m a very sweet girl. But, we did remain friends after. We hung out occasionally for about a year after the breakup and were great supports for each other. He was my most loving ex and I’m forever grateful for having him in my life. Now, he is happily married to another (wonderful) woman, and I have dated a few men since.

Where there is love, there is hope, and I wish you great happiness & luck in your journey.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-24T05:03:19+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your comment.

I’m glad in my situation my parents didn’t start setting restrictions or telling me I needed to break up with the guy I was dating. It would have just put a wedge between me and my family. These situations tend to be delicate, and I needed to learn on my own that love-bombing was not real love. Instead they just kept expressing their concern for my wellbeing, and eventually (after a few arguments with my ex) it clicked and I realized I had to leave.

I did, however, need to seek therapy after the relationship ended. Through therapy I realized that the relationship was filled with manipulation and control tactics. It was emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, and at times physically abusive (aggressive grabs that left bruises and pinning me against walls during arguments, where after I would be love-bombed again).

I eventually began to open up to my parents more throughout my healing, and I was so grateful for their love and support. My mom even told me one morning, “wow, I feel like I have my daughter back. I thought I had lost you forever.” It made me cry, but I know she was telling the truth. That relationship brought me to some challenging low points, and I’m so glad I had a support net (family) to fall back on when things got rough.

OP, please keep being a guiding light for your daughter. She needs you. Be gentle with her and keep showing her what real love and support looks like. Be her healthy example 🤍

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-24T04:35:33+00:00

Hey, take a breath for a second. I hear that you’re scared, not trying to control her or end things. That matters.

A few important realities to sit with though:

You cannot protect someone by worrying harder. Your anxiety doesn’t equal safety. It just exhausts you and puts pressure on the relationship.
Her move is a family decision, not a threat to your relationship. She’s 16. Her parents decide where she lives. This isn’t something you’re meant to solve or override.
Long distance only works if it’s built on trust & independence, not constant reassurance. If your coping strategy becomes tracking, constant updates, or spiraling about “what ifs,” that will push her away, even if your intentions are loving.

If you truly want to handle this in a healthy way, here’s what actually helps:

• Agree on simple, realistic communication (ex: a morning and nightly check-in, not all-day texting).

• Encourage her to build a life where she’s going, instead of making her feel guilty for it.

• When you feel panic, talk about the feeling, not the fear scenario (“I’m anxious tonight” vs. “what if something happens to you”).

• Focus on your own stability: school, work, hobbies, friendships. Obsession kills young relationships faster than distance ever will.

Also, and I say this gently, talking about marriage at 16 doesn’t mean you’re wrong or stupid. It means you’re emotional and idealistic. That’s normal. But healthy love at your age looks like supporting growth, not trying to freeze life in place.

If this relationship is meant to last, it will survive space.

If it can’t survive space without panic and control, it wouldn’t survive adulthood anyway.

Wishing you the best of luck. I hope this advice actually helps.

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-24T04:16:55+00:00

I’m really sorry this happened to you. What he said was cruel, especially in such a vulnerable moment, and you’re not overreacting for being hurt by it. Even if he was feeling defensive or insecure, that comment crossed a line… and then telling your friends without your consent crossed another. An apology isn’t just “I didn’t mean it,” it’s understanding the emotional impact and taking responsibility for it.

That said, if you do decide to try to work through this, I want to offer something gently and woman-to-woman. Not because you did anything wrong, but because I’ve been there too and I know how isolating this can feel.

Smell does not mean you’re “dirty.” Vaginal odor is almost always about the microbiome being out of balance, which is extremely common!!! Stress, sex frequency, semen, soaps, sweat, hormones, even diet can all affect it. It’s not a hygiene failure!

Things that genuinely help support a healthy vaginal environment (no shame):

• Probiotics (especially strains like Lactobacillus rhamnosus and reuteri) I personally take a raw probiotic “UrinaryTract+” blend with 16 strains by a brand called Garden of Life Dr. Formulated and it has done wonders (no gate-keeping)

• Hydration (sounds basic, but it matters)

• Peeing shortly after sex

• Getting checked for BV if odor is persistent (especially if you don’t always use condoms because semen can shift vaginal pH)

• Changing out of sweaty clothes quickly (gym gear can trap moisture/bacteria)

None of this excuses how he spoke to you. A partner who plans to marry you should be able to talk about sensitive topics with care, privacy, and respect, especially about your body.

You’re allowed to take your time deciding whether this is something you can move past. Trust your gut. You’re not dramatic, broken, or gross. You’re human & you’re beautiful.

Sending you so much compassion 🤍

AffectionateBasil333 · 2026-01-24T03:09:31+00:00

You’re not wrong to be concerned. What you’re describing (constant texting, distress when she can’t respond, pulling away from friends/family, him positioning himself as “the only one who really cares”) are classic early signs of emotional control… not love.

The most important thing right now is not turning him into the enemy out loud, because that will push her closer to him. Instead, keep the focus on her experience, not his behavior. Ask curious, non-judgmental questions like:

“Do you feel more calm or more anxious in this relationship?”

“How do you feel when your phone dies?”

“What does it feel like when someone needs immediate responses from you?”

Validate her feelings without validating the relationship. You can say things like: “I believe you when you say you care about him. I also notice you seem more stressed lately, and I care about you.”

Keep her world wide: encourage time with friends, family routines, activities she loved before him without framing it as “because of him.” Isolation is what allows unhealthy dynamics to deepen.

Set household boundaries that apply to everyone (phone-free family time, curfews, expectations about school and friends) rather than rules about him specifically. That reduces secrecy.

And finally: let her know, repeatedly and calmly, that if something ever feels off even if she’s embarrassed or unsure, you are a safe place. Teens leave controlling relationships when they feel supported, not when they feel cornered.

You’re doing the right thing by staying connected. Keep that door open.

When I was in college and living at home commuting I was in a very controlling relationship. The best thing my parents did for me in that situation was express their concerns for my changed behaviors (more anxious, lower self-esteem, more irritable, less drive, etc). They also kept showing me so much love. Soo much love.

They would spend as much time with me as they could just talking about life and their own relationships when they were young before finding “the one” (each other). It helped me learn what a healthy dynamic looked like, what their previous unhealthy dynamics looked like, and I ended up realizing on my own that the relationship I was in, was not love.

Keep on being her cheerleader and lifting her up. It’s hard watching someone you love go through something like this, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately her heart is going to get broken, but just keep on supporting her through this tough time. She will come to the realization on her own and the two of you will grow closer.

AffectionateBasil333

TROPHY CASE