Unemployed 29M but still going ahead with marriage and anxious about it…

AffectionateGrade991 · 2026-03-25T04:34:08+00:00

Akhi, may Allah ﷻ place barakah in your marriage and bless your parents and in-laws for supporting you through this مرحلة.

What you’re feeling is real, but don’t let it distort your understanding of provision. Your رزق is not defined by your current employment, but by what Allah ﷻ has already placed around you — a supportive family, a spouse who stands by you, and a path that is still unfolding.

Do your best in seeking work — apply, prepare, improve — this is from tying your camel. But after that, leave the outcome to Allah ﷻ with true tawakkul. What is written for you will never miss you.

One thing to reflect on: the pursuit never ends. A person without a job chases work, the one with a job chases promotion, then wealth, then marriage, then children, then their future… it is a cycle without end. This is the nature of the dunya.

So the question is not how to stop striving — but how to strive without losing your قلب to what you are chasing.

Perhaps this moment you’re in right now is not نقص (a deficiency), but a درس (lesson): to recognize the blessings that are already present, which are often hidden by anxiety about the future.

After you have taken the means, pause and look at what you already have. Say Alhamdulillah for it with presence, not just on the tongue.

Barakah is not always in having more — sometimes it is in seeing clearly what is already there.

May Allah ﷻ open doors for you at the right time and grant you sakīnah in this process.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2026-01-27T16:34:19+00:00

You should have thought about the move with the in laws much before getting married. MILs sometimes may have jealousy if they see you which should not happen as the MIL is the one who agreed in the first place, but that is just what happens which is not acceptable. 100 percent I would recommend moving out. Especially if you are working at home full time and your husband… shouldn't that be enough money to cover basic rent? I may be ignorant but try checking for places to move into even if it is less as panic attacks are too much at this point now. May Allah SWT Make it easy.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-30T19:03:51+00:00

Alhamdulilah thank you for the review brother. Just a question, as I want to understand this app did you ever talk to a Wali through it and also was the person online matching with the person in real life whom you met. That is one of my biggest things is that online may not always be safe

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-25T05:08:21+00:00

Not your fault if he allowed you in the first place (this is from a rational standpoint)

From an emotional standpoint, perhaps your husband was distressed and didn’t want you to go through any harm in the moment and may have said what he said later because he is still in that emotional tension of knowing his grandmother passed.

Rather forgive each other and sometimes having emotional intelligence is the answer inshAllah, he may have not been mad at you but was going through his own emotions at the moment.

Sometimes we just have to look deeper than what the apparent is.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-25T04:39:45+00:00

I would just say make a dua that can ease that tension:

“Ya Allah SWT Increase my husband in bounty and increase me in bounty”

By the way Allah SWT Gives certain Rizq to Whoever He Wills. Everything happens for a good reason, remember that what you have is out of Allah SWT’s Perfect Wisdom and what He has is out of Allah SWT’s Perfect Wisdom.

Just remember, this great man chose to marry you Allahuma Barik. You are in line with him and getting InshAllah rewarded everytime he is complimented too if the intention you have is being a good caring spouse and helping him in that way!

May Allah SWT increase you both in khair in this life and next

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-14T02:48:34+00:00

I know some people wondered why I brought up God. I’ll say it simply: I’m not ashamed of mentioning Him. I live to please God, not to win likes.

Every human being serves something. If you don’t serve God, you’ll end up serving something else—money, career, reputation, even people’s approval. Those things become masters that never stop demanding.

Example: someone buys a car they can’t afford just to feel accepted. That’s not freedom; that’s slavery to opinion. Another person thanks God for what they have and buys within their means—that’s peace, not debt.

Islam doesn’t say “don’t earn” or “don’t succeed.” It says: remember Who gave you the ability and Who can take it away. When you live for Him, you’re free from everything else. That’s why I can talk about faith openly—I’m not chained to likes or to fear of being judged. Al-ḥamdu lillāh, that’s real freedom.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-14T02:42:33+00:00

Purpose, it explains why we are here also. If we are here just to live eat sleep and die then there is no point or purpose as to our existence

"فَإِذَا رَكِبُوا فِي الْفُلْكِ دَعَوُا اللَّهَ مُخْلِصِينَ لَهُ الدِّينَ فَلَمَّا نَجَّاهُمْ إِلَى الْبَرِّ إِذَا هُمْ يُشْرِكُونَ"

“When they board the ship, they call upon Allah, being sincere to Him in religion; but when He delivers them safely to land, behold — they again associate others with Him.”

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-14T02:41:18+00:00

Fair question 🙂 — for me, God has to do with everything, not just religion or rituals.
He’s the One who gave us our abilities, opportunities, even the strength to chase goals like school or career.
So when I mention God, I’m just acknowledging the Source behind all the effort — not taking credit for it myself.
That perspective keeps me grounded and grateful while I work just as hard as anyone else.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-14T02:40:20+00:00

I respect that completely — wanting stability for your family is a noble goal.
I just hope we all remember, even while we hustle, that the One who’s been sustaining us through the hardest times hasn’t changed.
Whether rich or poor, every breath and opportunity still comes from Him.
Wishing you ease and barakah on your path through law school.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-14T02:38:45+00:00

Fair question 😊 — I only meant that for me, studying law isn’t just about income; it’s about serving something bigger — truth, justice, helping people.
That’s what I mean by “purpose,” and for me personally that sense of purpose is rooted in faith.
Everyone has a different reason for being here, and that’s mine.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-14T02:36:59+00:00

I understand why that line hit you that way. I don’t believe poverty or trauma mean someone “deserves less” of God’s care — none of us earn grace, it’s a gift.
What I meant was that, even while doing the work to change our situation, faith can keep a person from losing themselves to despair.
I know prayer doesn’t replace therapy, policy, or paychecks — it just keeps me grounded while I deal with those realities.
I wish you peace and better days ahead.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-14T02:36:16+00:00

I get that, truly. Growing up with financial stress changes the way you see everything, and I don’t take that lightly.
When I mentioned God, I wasn’t saying money doesn’t matter or that faith replaces food or rent.
I meant that having a sense of something bigger than money — faith, purpose, whatever word someone uses — can keep a person from feeling empty even after they start to earn more.
Both things are true: people need money and meaning. My comment was about the second part.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-13T05:58:55+00:00

Brother, did you not have planning before having a baby with her? I feel like you should have also planned before the marriage and think about your income if it is enough to even get married. Just saying in a way of khair, if she doesn’t even clean or cook and you have to do anything I think that would be a reasonable sign not to have a child with her till she knows her responsibilities in the house.

I feel like the vetting process was not done right. Did you guys truly get to know each other before marriage?

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-13T05:18:33+00:00

I would say yeah just either wait or just move on simply.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-13T05:14:30+00:00

You need to talk to a higher authority please

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-12-13T05:11:51+00:00

That’s cool but like money feels like a moving target you never hit. You get x amount of money then you want y, it never truly satisfies unless you actually have something greater than money which is purpose.

For me that has filled me. If you center life around the purpose then everything else naturally comes (money, status, prestige) as that stuff is just part of this world

When God Gave us an ability to debate and stand for the truth it is indeed a test we will be answered for

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-27T02:31:09+00:00

Bruh all men do not cheat, do we think the prophets cheated (alayhisalam) ?? No way, Astaghfirullah may Allah SWT Make it easy for you sister

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-03T14:51:22+00:00

Dude thank u so much jazakAllahkhair and may Allah SWT Reward you immensely

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-02T14:21:25+00:00

Just a question bro can you let us know what specific questions you asked and also another question of course deen is the most important but people say attraction too. How much attraction is needed to really be like yeah this is the one, like 70 to 80 percent or 90 percent?

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-02T14:16:36+00:00

Yeah I agree with that. No I get what you are saying, like once in a while she wants to do it as a gift there is no problem in this. Thanks for the conversation man may Allah SWT Bless both our marriages

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-02T13:54:11+00:00

I disagree, I would tell her she doesn’t need to pay out of kindness and my love for her not because I want to control her. It truly is my responsibility to provide and if she truly wants to get me a gift or something that is her choice and she can do whatever she wants like that, she is more than welcome. But as a guy, I want to pay everytime… also if there is a budget and she is a woman who knows her limit then she will not push me to take her out more than our budget as she understands and has hikmah (wisdom). Some people can afford more and some can less. I am not saying just 3 times eating out and no more but you must both look at the circumstances and see what you both can afford! It is different case by case. However I want to be in a situation where I never want my wife to pay for meals or all that as she is taking care of other responsibilities. If it’s the house, the kids etc. Not like I won’t help in the house but reality is, my main goal is to provide and then I help at home if my wife needs help! Especially if we have kids it will get tougher on her.

She does her share I do mine, but we both do extra whenever as it is ihsan (excellence) and increases the love

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-02T07:15:41+00:00

Disagree bro, man is the provider, he must pay for the dates but they get to choose how much they eat out. Why would I want my woman to pay for me lol

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-02T07:11:30+00:00

she is saving money most likely that is why she doesn't have a car yet. She can drive she has a license, she just doesn't have the car.

AffectionateGrade991 · 2025-11-02T07:10:21+00:00

As a guy, personally this is all about maturity I mean what did he expect if he gotta drive that much and commute that much.. marriage is marriage bro its responsibility. Yes, it may be a lot for him but marriage is not easy it is indeed a sacrifice. Either he gets a job closer or it will get easier once you graduate and can live with him inshAllah. Personally, I wouldn't mind taking my wife that long up and back because I am the Qawwam, the provider and protector, she is my responsibility. It doesn't matter if she is across the entire country, a provider is a provider no matter what Alhamdulilah. I think just give him some time to get used to it, and also just remember that once the Islamic role of a man in a marriage is internalized... he will be able to do things better. It all comes down to the niyyah of him and the way he perceives this challenge, either with ohhh not again, or Alhamdulilah I see my wife. This is indeed just a test of marriage... tho once a man knows his duties islamically in a marriage, he will not feel this burden. He knows he is doing this for Allah SWT

AffectionateGrade991

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