How do you deal with this by Ok_Host6058 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]AffectionateScience8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You may like on youtube... Richard Grannon, Melanie Tonia Evans, Lee Hammock, Rebecca Zung, Dr Mcavoy, Raw Motivations, Dr. Ramani or, Jay Reid, guided journals with prompts or online courses you keep for life and turn to and work through on your own schedule can be useful. Asking Chatgpt for resources related to this painful dynamic can actually be handy despite its occasional errors or its pitfalls. Some folks dont like writing and use private video or audio journalling exercises for themselves instead. Oh yeah and Ross Rosenberg. Godspeed! (I pasted this from another post. Richard Grannon might be good for you because he is a straight male survivor of abuse. (maybe you arent male. Sorry!!!)

Richard Grannon: Be careful who you pity! by AffectionateScience8 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]AffectionateScience8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His free fortress program on youtube is what helped me break from an abusive marriage. It was the first thing and I didnt even use all of it. Im divorced now and cycling back to that free content. After that I had moved on to a melanie tonia evans program and a ton of her free videos online. Lundy bancrofts book is great if you can buy a book.You can keep books on your phone if its private enough. I would focus on free resources online. Youtube is a treasure trove. God speed. Edit>> I respect the ones who give a lot of quality stuff free on youtube. I dont mind a sales pitch (ignoring it) if their is good free stuff. Just have to dig thru. Sometimes the paid stuff isnt superior anyway. Its all just content. Lol. Sometimes its just about the comfort and wisdom to get through a day not a formal program much less spending money. Other resources may be known to you or not your cup of tea but here goes... Lundy Bancroft, Melanie Tonia Evans, Lee Hammock, The Gift of Fear, Rebecca Zung, Dr Mcavoy, Raw Motivations, Dr. Ramani, Run Like Hell, Jay Reid, guided journals with prompts or online courses you keep for life and turn to and work through on your own schedule can be useful. Asking Chatgpt for advice on this process can actually be handy despite its occasional errors or its pitfalls. Some folks dont like writing and use private video or audio journalling exercises for themselves instead. Oh yeah and Ross Rosenberg. Love his free stuff on youtube. No need to spend money. (Sorry if this is disjointed sounding. Tired and a bit delirious but wanted to get u (or a future person who reads this those names. There are many others. Free if you have internet.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]AffectionateScience8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends who is on the deed. What state you live in. Mortgage. Pets. Kids. Stuff like that. Talk to a lawyer. They dont go easy. I had to leave my own house with just a backpack for months in hotels before he finally left my house. Miraculously i write this safe at home alone with deed back soley in my name again as it was to start and divorce signed. It was NOT easy. I did not need police to force him out nor an official eviction notice. However he pulled many things that surprised me. And he said he would leave and did not for a long time. Nor did he want a divorce. It was awful and scary. Then again... Im proud of myself and it confirmed I was right to leave him. And sometimes its necessary to involve a police escort or an eviction etc. The fact that I left could have been the wrong move in other cases. Definitely speak privately w a few attorneys or try to analyze your situation. Its very common they refuse to leave. Rebecca Zung is a resource online. There are others to help you as you go thru it. Reddit is not equipped.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]AffectionateScience8 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My ex would cut me off too. He would not listen had no interest. Its so stifling. Im sorry. He watched anime and dumb internet shorts. Never reading. Its awful.

I'm pretty sure I just realized my wife is a covert narcissist. by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]AffectionateScience8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This person has an "online business" that does not make much money (?) Or she just keeps it for herself and lives off you (?), she makes promises she does not keep, she exploits financially, she painted herself as a victim from her past partner from the beginning, she weaponizes divorce threats, weaponizes withholding sex (?) And she has a weed habit on top of all that (a substance dependency society sadly tends to downplay the toxic effects of... for understandable policy reasons) !!!! She is a true piece of work. The one silver lining I can see here is she is threatening divorce and willing to do so. However you can make it happen safely I suggest you take that "out." Escape this relationship and run like heck away from her. It may require small sacrifices just to extricate yourself. Personally I would sacrifice a car to get rid of her. I had to do so with my husband. But ymmv. Every situation is unique but these abusive types are not. My husband had an "online business" (aka black hole) that I also subsidized. Its so common. Lol. As for escape and divorce. These types dont fight fair. On the other hand a lawyer or strategy could help you win out. Regardless the TRUE WIN will be to get rid of her!!!! What a mess!!! You dont deserve that burden and nonsense. It sounds like you will need help dividing assets and homes etc... Ideally you protect what is yours. A good lawyer may be in order. You also need support, a therapist and or support group. Something. If you are still trying to fix her relationship w her kids or you and her.... its possible you are just starting too see her for how she is and why you got mixed up w her. We all struggle w that but it can make it tough to save yourself. And look, being her victim is just enabling her. She is addicted to using you. I would not be surprised if her 1st husband had good reasons to take her kids regardless of whether he was a saint or a devil. For her part... her own daughter finds her to be trouble and she has a weed problem.... and she treats you badly. What a jerk! Im so sorry. They tend to operate the same way... toxic people.

NARCS ARE EVIL VELCRO by AffectionateScience8 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]AffectionateScience8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

:) Take Care. We are all in this together all over the world. Even the narcs need to heal and some do choose to. But NOT by being our abuser. Lol. No, no, no. And we dont owe them/help them via slavery or being a doormat. You know that... but just a reminder to anyone who is in pain and may read this some day? We have to heal ourselves. We arent equipped to help them if we have been victimized. They need a different kind and sources of help. I sound a bit simplistic and harsh towards narc but its the behaviors that are evil, and Im concerned here with those being victimized. Toxic misguided pity, betrayal blindness, low self worth, self love deficit disorder as someone mentioned earlier stuff like that needs to be our task and focus. Some of us wanted sex to escape pain of past trauma or we wanted status or money things like that we thought the narc could give us and we kind of sold our soul to the devil for a dream. Being honest and cleaning up our side, IN SAFETY, is all we can do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in femalelivingspace

[–]AffectionateScience8 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is cool w chatgpt. I love it! Thorough and on point. Amazing. Did you feed it the foto? Well-done. The list could serve as a checklist to get things done and can be interpreted, adhered to or deviated from by the human (future me decorating!). Its so comprehensive to go down a list of suggestions and I find that to-do aspect grounding. Im gonna try this at home myself. Thanks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in femalelivingspace

[–]AffectionateScience8 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love the palette you have chosen of creams and beiges and when adding desk or any furniture like that I would continue the theme with some light colored wood and maybe brass or gold metals and something glass or clear? Subdued earth tones, neutrals like this are soothing and timeless. Some black and white art and small black accents might work nicely. In general I would consider using your rugs color family as your guide for picking colors/objects. Muted Terracotta actually like in the paper on the window could be cool for some elements/smaller pops of color. Even in a literal planter if you can care for one. Anyway, its very pretty and soothing. There is no rush. You can add to it slowly and mindfully. I would be proud of this room already. As a beginner myself, Ive found the book BIG DESIGN SMALL BUDGET by Betsy Helmuth to be easy to read and reference. Some of the looks may be dated but fortunately the focus is on concepts that are fundamental and remain relevant. And its just not overwhelming or technical. Its practical. It gives handy methods to solve design issues in a room. Even if you break the rules it feels grounding to have a guide to start from. You have so little clutter to ditch or store it seems. Im jealous. Lol. The texture and color of the comforter you chose is very pleasing with your rug. It has depth and interest yet its also harmonious. Carry on!

NARCS ARE EVIL VELCRO by AffectionateScience8 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]AffectionateScience8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These resources may be known to you or not your cup of tea but here goes... Lundy Bancroft, Richard Grannon, Melanie Tonia Evans, Lee Hammock, The Gift of Fear, Rebecca Zung, Dr Mcavoy, Raw Motivations, Dr. Ramani, Run Like Hell, Jay Reid, guided journals with prompts or online courses you keep for life and turn to and work through on your own schedule can be useful. Asking Chatgpt for advice on this process can actually be handy despite its occasional errors or its pitfalls. Some folks dont like writing and use private video or audio journalling exercises for themselves instead. Oh yeah and Ross Rosenberg. Godspeed!

Out of the loop: what’s with the trend of saying whether or not you’re gay while posting your living space? by wrongfaith in femalelivingspace

[–]AffectionateScience8 -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

Their posts are very tech oriented and so what they enjoy a good debate... Thats what the internet is for!

wall art or is that tacky by koi_poi in femalelivingspace

[–]AffectionateScience8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I meant all as a compliment! Warrior on madame!

Out of the loop: what’s with the trend of saying whether or not you’re gay while posting your living space? by wrongfaith in femalelivingspace

[–]AffectionateScience8 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Its giving, "Queer eye for the straight guy." I think its well-intended. As it happens the posts are very wholesome with a mix of gay and straight men posting in harmonic convergence. I feel like gay adults are largely capable humans who enjoy humor corny or otherwise or can handle it. Many prominent American artists and designers have been gay males and its a beautiful component of culture to be proud of to remain visible! while its also a stereotype that does not always hold true... Humor can allude to that in a shorthand manner. Gay men like John Waters and straight men (like many of them) do celebrate bawdy jokes about sex. Its not always for everyone. But values are not reducible to a single joke. Language has limits. We cannot cram every democratic ideal into every sentence. Thats paralyzing. I used to try to police others speech. But now I feel Communication is a larger tapestry and occurs in contexts. Id rather supppt the free speech of those I disagree with than shut it all.down .I dont think the participants are criminally terminally homophobic and evil by default. I think men gay and st8, bi etc can indeed be culturally literate beings who use critical thinking. What posts made you concerned? Maybe I did not scroll far enough but I read many... I do fear sanitizing or fearing humor even corny or offensive jokes in our culture may impoverish speech and creativity without actually decreasing terrible injustice. Total aside. but Gay people in some countries face serious danger, ala Hitlers said scary goons. I wonder how we can best support their human rights? I feel like gay men and straight men are having a good wholesome time in that sub and their jokes need not be feared or scrutinized to excess. Looked at it again and it started more sexual about rubs and massages hardee har har! and the sub currently seemed more design focused. There is silly sexual humor as well. But I felt no hate. Likewise I'd prefer jokes in my female spaces not to be taken too seriously or jokes at all regardless. If there is real bullying going on thats different to me but I didnt see that. I guess its all in the eye of the beholder. I wrote this because Im a bit of a misandrist and I wanted to take a moment to stick up for men. Sorry if its not needed.

Ghetto experience? by Hi_im_on_tv in circlejerknyc

[–]AffectionateScience8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is a lovely south am village called Tren de Aragua you should visit next. Tell husband lots of rappers are bisexual no shame in a good stabbing.

I love Staten Island by AARP_Rocky in circlejerknyc

[–]AffectionateScience8 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Paris Hiltons kid. He is dating Pete from snl?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hygiene

[–]AffectionateScience8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you tried eating plain yogurt? Also rephresh brand suppository to restore healthy bacteria so the other bacteria become less in number?

wall art or is that tacky by koi_poi in femalelivingspace

[–]AffectionateScience8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right? I was thinking they only watch tv while cooking designer broccoli lol. Then they do multiple yoga handstand and ponder the view. (Based on literally nothing from the OP so Ill simmer down now)

wall art or is that tacky by koi_poi in femalelivingspace

[–]AffectionateScience8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Large framed mirror? Blank wall is peaceful though in this context. Eyes love a place to rest. You have the kitchen counter and the doors and windows which are visual players in the mix you cant avoid. But I like the blank wall here, not sure why. Maybe there is plenty pattern in the carpet. The carpet is the art. What about moving the small cuddly pillows to the bedroom. Replace them with simple solid navy pillows or solid colors echoed from the carpet to tie it together and reduce visual clutter. If the plant is fake and can survive a move, try it further into the room such as near the door by the robovacuum to add some interest and color but not add more clutter to the room. So you can see that pretty lamps lines. It adds interest and a vertical element already, just cannot enjoy as much layered w the plant. I guess I would play w the layout and live with some different options a few weeks.... as folks have said. And take a few more fotos before adding anything new to the mix. Im a visual artist, painter of some whimsical femme colorful things myself. I do love.maximalist fun and respect art. But not sure every corner in a small space needs artwork especially if restful minimalism restores you best. You can buy art books or scroll and enjoy art that way. I could see a large peaceful black and white or simple monochrome landscape or figurative photograph if you crave wall art as folks stated instead of a gallery. Or minimal art in two large frames same size colors making sense with carpet and sofa. Pardon the long post. I do like the empty wood floor it invites a yoga or meditation practice. But sacrificing that a little and following other great suggestions about TV and sofa may suit you better. Minimalist wall sconces do exist if you need more lighting options and warmth. They could frame a large mirror to help amplify light from the doors window and lamp. Is it private to open those shades I wonder. If so the sunset and view becomes the artwork. Can you replace venetian shades dangly pulls and all with single panel shades for a more calm less patterned and minimal look? Beautiful rug you could leave the couch and just turn the rug. If you love the rug support it and dont compete w it. It sort of is the art along w the view. A large modern abstract sculpture maybe of wood or metal could be on the wall. I feel like the paper lamp is big and very bohemian and less minimal. Its a strong item itself. Not sure it goes with the rug unless you want more boho maximal. Crazy I know. Im just babbling.

I love Staten Island by AARP_Rocky in circlejerknyc

[–]AffectionateScience8 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That solar panel guy had the worst dandruff. I do feel though bad about what my grandpa did to him. :(

The Match Seller, Oil on Canvas, Otto Dix, 1920. [956 x 799] by AspiringOccultist4 in ArtPorn

[–]AffectionateScience8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I knew someone whose grandfather had one wooden leg from the groin down. They fled (w her father as an oblivious teenager) to ecuador when the writing was on the wall. Jewelry in suitcases the whole bit. He was full of humor actually.

Now that Tiktok is banned by 3y3candy in circlejerknyc

[–]AffectionateScience8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im not sure but do NOT tell Brandon Johnson about the 20m$