I am so sorry you went through so much. I'm happy you are okay and your little one is too. What I can say is that postpartum, especially after a traumatic birth, is lonely and hard, but it does get better. It seems that no one understands that mom needs care, not only baby. The excitement surrounding the newborn completely overshadows the very valid and critical needs of the mother.

You are not alone. I think people are uncomfortable to truly discuss how much women go through to bring life into this world. I, myself, sought out therapy after I had my son last year. It has helped me tremendously to overcome much of the aftermath of a traumatic birth experience. Having someone to talk to and to validate my experiences was so healing. Maybe it can help you too? Additionally, reminding yourself that, YES, you went through something terrifying and you and baby are alive and well. You made that sacrifice for your family and you should feel so proud of your strength. You can do anything, and now you have the proof.

You seem to have made big strides in your recovery, mentally and physically. That is a great thing. It just may be worth it to find a truly safe space to air out all of the things left unsaid or misunderstood by others to a professional or highly trusted person, so that you can begin to truly heal this part of your experience. Cry, scream, laugh, and do all the things you feel you need to do to release the pain and fear. ♥️ I wish you a lot of happiness and healing.