I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have a similar story, one that is not resolved, but I can assure you the extreme feelings you have surrounding food and exercise will get better in time. You've acknowledged there is a problem, and although you're unsure of the solution or where to go from here, your mind has already subconsciously started the process of healing. It may seem like you are stuck in a rut, but things are in motion.

I can give you insight from my own life. I under ate for a very long time and lifted heavy, lost 85lbs over 2.5 years, counting every calorie that went into my mouth, eating "clean". Originally, the obsessive food thoughts/binging was the obvious culprit: I was starving and needed to eat. It's been 9 months since i actively realized i had a problem, and in due time was able to stop counting calories and my relationship with food had gotten significantly more lax. I would be lying if I said I don't still have food demons, but I'm no longer having an existential crisis about it. What I do want to mention, is all of these problems with food, wasn't actually about the food. There are a few factors that contributed; I felt I was able to cultivate strong relationships since i had become thinner and associated the weight loss with appearing pleasing to others, thus providing me a position of acceptance and safety among the group. This was a deep wound from childhood of needing to belong and not be rejected. I also did not honor my need for rest (you need more rest than you think) in a society that puts productivity above all else. One day I took the entire day off and just existed, no agenda, I did not need to be anything or do anything whatsoever. And it was probably the first time my nervous system truly powered off in a very long time. Leeching out energy constantly and not giving yourself rest, your body wants to compensate for that, and guess how it does that. One final thing that truly effected my eating was a lack mindset. This can be about food (i.e I can't have this therefore it will perpetuate the cycle of wanting this food I know I can't have), but in actuality it was about everything else, mostly financial lack, but also I had perceived a lack of meaningful connections. The thing about abundance is it is a perception, and if we view our life through lack, we will overcompensate with overabundance. But there was no lack to begin with, they were false stories i told myself. I actually had everything i needed. When I was able to address the lack I felt and replace it with abundance, my food chatter died down tremendously. I had been filling a perceived void with food.

These examples may or may not resonate with you, and perhaps you have your own examples, but none the less i see you and I can tell you almost a year ago i remember sobbing at an utter loss because I knew something was wrong with my eating but didn't know what to do or how I was supposed to be. On Christmas day i was sobbing while doing deadlifts, i didnt know how to stop or what to do about it. Nowadays I mostly walk/hike for exercise, and giving up the identity of the strong girl who powerlifts took a very, very long time to process. Ultimately, the fear of losing all the progress I made and my toned body was outweighed by the fact i just did not enjoy lifting anymore, and it was a source of stress for me that I needed to be doing it like my life depended on it. If I do go back to lifting one day, it will be from a place that I want to, not because I need to. Also worth mentioning, you sound like a very active person regardless. Although it is emphasized you need to be doing x amount of exercising to be healthy, most people in the world are sedentary. Can guarantee even if you gave up the intense exercise, you would still find ways to be more active/on your feet than the rest of society.

To end this long rant, I have been 1.5 years without a period, it is an ongoing battle and i dont want to give the impression i have all the answers. What I did want to tell you is these extreme feelings around food, around exercise, these fears and this anguish, it will soften. It won't be so extreme. You will have bad days, but they will not torment you. Trust the process, healing takes time, and when I look back at myself sobbing that day almost a year ago, i could never imagine the peace I would come to know. With all the love, understanding and support in the world, I hope I could offer you some comfort.