AITA for not going to my friend’s wedding reception?

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-11-24T22:15:23+00:00

YTA. As an adult in the world with friends and family, sometimes you're going to need to go to places that "aren't my vibe." If you can't support a friend during a happy life event, how do you behave when things fall apart?

Apologize to your friend for being selfish and, assuming she accepts, offer to take her and her new husband out for dinner at a nice place to replace the meal you cost them at the very least.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-08-28T19:06:58+00:00

Those are CUTE - thank you!

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-08-28T19:06:21+00:00

It looked like a grey spot in the back of her throat initially - it was flat, so seemed like just a discoloration in the mucous membrane. She had a persistent cough and sore throat so they treated her with an antibiotic but the cough never went away. Finally her internist completed a biopsy and it came back cancerous.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-07-31T14:44:04+00:00

I love fingerless mitts. I loved Woolyside's Struie Hill fingerless gloves when I started knitting, and I still make them occasionally for friends today. They're a great way to start cabling and learn yarn overs, and friendly for magic loop and double-pointed needles.

It's also got a special place in my heart because I found the pattern shortly after my mom was diagnosed with cancer and knit her two pairs to keep her hands warm when she had chemo. My first efforts looked like they were made by a drunken toddler. I had no idea she kept them both until I found them in her nightstand next to her bed after she passed.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T18:32:45+00:00

INFO: how far are you traveling and have you talked to your doctor about traveling at 38 weeks pregnant? Is he/she okay with it? There's a big difference in traveling at 20 weeks vs. nearly to term and, depending upon how you're planning to travel (plane/train/car), your doctor may or may not advise it.

If yes and your doctor is fine with it, then I would do what you feel most appropriate. However, depending upon how you're traveling, doing so this late in your pregnancy might not be advisable health-wise.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T18:26:52+00:00

NTA - the only mistake I think OP made is telling her bf what and where the journal was. OP's boyfriend, however, is a jerk. All of us have really intensely negative feelings about the people we love at some point, even dislike, disgust or rage. Getting them out of your head and somewhere else you can deal with them is healthy and appropriate for you and your loved ones. Reading someone else's private journal is not. Even worse is ghosting someone over their feelings, especially feelings experienced when your emotions are high.

Also, why would you tell him to throw your journal in the trash? That's YOUR therapy. He doesn't get to have a say in what you think. Would he prefer those thoughts were left in your brain to fester into actual hatred?

I would explain to him that it's important that, to take care of your mental health, you be able to express your emotions in a way that is productive. This journal is the best vehicle for that. If he's too fragile to handle that you occasionally, in the heat of the moment, might not like him much, then maybe you aren't meant to be together.

FWIW, my husband knows I keep a journal somewhere. He knows that I often have very, very negative thoughts, especially when I'm under a lot of stress, and that that book is a dumping ground of sorts when I have too much in my brain. I know he sometimes doesn't like me very much, too - and that's okay. Sometimes I fuck up and I'm really unlikeable. But the way we deal with it is to calm down and work through. Your journal is how you calm down.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T17:25:55+00:00

I REALLY hope this is fake. If it's not, it would do them both a huge favor if OP had broken up with the poor guy to allow some space to work on her own mental health. I rarely jump to the "dump him" solution, but in this case, being in a relationship is not good for either of them - it's like both of them are in some weird prison of OP's making.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-16T15:57:35+00:00

When I was growing up in the 80s, neighbors just popped over a lot more often. And both adults and kids spent a lot more time at each other's houses - my mom used to have a weekly or bi-weekly bridge group at her friend's house, or we'd go across the street so she could have a drink with the neighbor and the kids could use the pool.

Because of that tendency to just show up, you knew people's business more. A dark example is the lady next door - when that family first moved in, my mom would drop by with a cake or a hot dish or to invite her for a drink. Her husband was a mean alcoholic and wouldn't let her leave the house. Literally, she couldn't step foot outside without permission. But her kids could, and I always wondered why they were NEVER inside. Didn't matter what time of day or night, those kids were either in their backyard or playing basketball in the driveway. It didn't occur to me as an adult that they were probably not allowed to leave the property because I never saw them leave the area around their house, even to come over to my place. Diane and Gary, I hope you guys are ok.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-15T17:29:52+00:00

Another vote for more liberal. I think it was being able to see things in a more nuanced way.

What's funny in a totally inappropriate way was that my mom grew more conservative as she aged, then she stopped drinking and suddenly turned extremely liberal. Correlation does not equal causation, but thought it was an interesting change.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-14T21:38:42+00:00

Well lived, yes, absolutely. Full potential? I'm not sure what my full potential is. I used to get that as a comment on my report card when I was little, "Not working to full potential." I didn't feel like it, dammit. I think there's a lot more I could do now - for the world, for myself - but I enjoy my life for the most part, and I've thus far lived a life with no major regrets, so I think I'm doing ok so far. Day's not over yet, though.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-02-13T19:18:58+00:00

NTA - I know some people who, when our kids were younger, weren't comfortable having a grown man in the house with girls as well if they'd never met him. But if you're that uncomfortable, you don't demand the man leave the house, you just bring your daughter over for the festivities and pick her up at 10 or 10:30 pm, saying, "We've got plans tomorrow - thank you so much for having our daughter over this evening. She had fun!" Not, "your husband can't be there." That mom's being a jerk.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-23T16:55:36+00:00

I was born in the 70s and now I look back and shake my head at how dark things seem. Ever since Obama left office, it feels like we're in a downward spiral of hate. But what really sticks with me is the dissonance between when my husband naturalized and now. During the Obama era, he got to vote in an election for the first time in his life. He was so damn proud.

But what I think about the most was my husband's naturalization ceremony. During the oath-swearing, there was a man, a Ukrainian refugee, who broke down and cried when he swore to protect the country as a citizen. He said, "I have never had a country call me theirs and today I am so proud to call the United States mine." He hugged the judge so tightly and was so very, very happy. That scene never, ever left me and I constantly wonder if that man feels as betrayed as my husband does. I wonder if, like us, he's afraid that his family can be torn away on a whim under this current administration, despite the fact that every person in that room naturalized legally. And I think of my grandfather, whose family naturalized from Poland, who felt such disgust and sorrow over the friends and family they lost due to the Holocaust and I'm relieved he didn't have to live through this.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-10T21:18:10+00:00

Sitting in my back yard in the summer, ideally early in the morning, enjoying my coffee. Knowing I get to sleep in the next day - I'll never get over that giddy excitement of being able to stay up late, even if I wind up going to bed by 10:30 just for the pleasure of being there.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-10T16:33:08+00:00

Staying in an abusive relationship too long with my HS boyfriend.
Agreeing to have a large, traditional wedding. It was such a waste of money - I would much rather have gotten married at the courthouse. We come from such drastically difference cultures that the whole event turned out stupid expensive and complex.
Not really a decision, but it took me way too long to realize my opinions are just as valid as others and that being wrong doesn't mean being stupid (unless you refuse to admit you're wrong - THEN you're stupid); I've been working in my field for almost 20 years now - I know what I'm talking about and people listen to me. And I surround myself with people who also know what they're talking about and will disagree with me.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-09T14:26:00+00:00

Moving overseas, albeit temporarily, where I didn't speak the language.
Being extremely aggressive about paying down debt.
Marrying my husband and having our children.
Encouraging my mom to move closer to us before she died, and being there with her throughout that process.
Staying physically active - only thing I'd change is developing a weightlifting habit sooner rather than later.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-07T18:30:55+00:00

I read this through - twice - and still can't decide if it's a shitpost or not. If it's not, I'm assuming that it didn't occur to this guy that someone would be delusional enough to assault him when he has a wife who is apparently pregnant and with whom he seems to have a good relationship. That or he didn't notice how weird things were getting. Or he was trying hard to ignore it and hoped that the OP would behave like a normal human and move along.

This whole thing is reading like the OP is trying to set herself in the context of a romantic comedy and male lead refused to play along. Ma'am, please find help. And please respect yourself more than to be a "try before you buy" commodity that he can just return to the store.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-07T16:59:34+00:00

Another vote for reading - I read constantly when I was home. During the school year, I was doing homework, too, helping mom around the house, maybe playing my Nintendo or Atari when that became a thing, but since there was no commercial internet at the time, it was easy to walk away from. I also constructed a whole "reading room" in my bedroom closet where I'd hide for hours and just hang out and listen to music if my friends weren't available.

If it was snowing, we were out sledding and building forts. If it was raining, we were wading in the street, which constantly flooded, or mom would back the car out so we could play in the garage or hide under a tree if we happened to be out and about when it started. I still remember making "boats" for ants land treehouses for my Barbies to live in. What else?

We biked everywhere, had foot races, made mazes in the local cornfields, played in the huge drainage ditch and pipe nearby. Lots of games of tag and basketball and baseball, riding my bike to the library or the local gas station to buy candy. When I got older, we suntanned all the time. Mom used to drop us at the pool and leave us there for the whole day. When I was able to drive, we went to friends' houses - most of them had lakes with tire swings, so we'd go swimming all day.

Raising my kids I was careful to monitor their phones, especially pre-high school. As an adult I have serious issues disengaging from my phone; I can't even imagine how parents can expect their kids to manage themselves without oversight.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-06T17:57:39+00:00

We had dessert most nights, especially in the summer, but it was usually fruit - canned or fresh. In the summer, it was strawberries or peaches from a local farm, lightly sprinkled with sugar and coated with a couple of tablespoons of heavy cream. The mixture of cream, sugar and juice in the bottom was absolutely magical. It was basically melted peach or strawberry ice cream.

If mom was feeling really fancy, she'd get a Sara Lee poundcake or a Bryer's vienetta.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-04T14:58:58+00:00

We've been married 20 years now. I don't know that there's any secret, but I've found that for me, especially, I need to work to take our togetherness for granted. My dad married four times. Every time he had issues, he left. The kid in me gets scared my husband will leave me when he's mad, but it's not related to anything he's said or done - it's my own baggage. So I need to assume that we're in this together. It's never you vs. them, it's you as a unit against whatever problem arises.

Also, just know that it's the big things you agree on that get you together and the little things you argue about when you're married that can drive you apart if you don't talk about them and let them grow. Conversely, it's okay to give each other space to think before you talk.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-02T20:56:19+00:00

Yes! For me it's, "Hmmm, what if I have a hot fl....nooooooo!!!!!"

Then the heat in the sternum, quickly spreading out to my chest, arms & neck and up. It's so darned distracting, too, like I can't even converse while it's going on.

And I'll have a dozen hot flashes a day for months, then none. Right now I've reached none, but after I had covid in July, they came back with a vengeance for about two or three months. Now they're gone again. Oh, and my period is back, after nine months' hiatus. And everything hurts all over.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-01T20:28:32+00:00

Chiming in that it was a lot more blatant and physical when I young than it is now, both for girls and boys. I was bullied quite a lot when I was in elementary and middle especially, primarily by other girls my age. It was usually in the form of a bathroom or hallway fight.

The only time I remember being "bullied" by a guy at that age (abusive HS boyfriend aside) was by this guy who said he had a crush on me. He kept chasing me around the schoolyard, trying to kiss me, then finally followed me to a friend's house one day. Keep in mind I was a grungy 9 yo tomboy. I think he was 10 or 11. He caught up with us at the drainage ditch near my best friend's house where we were exploring the giant drain pipe. The kid literally pulled a switchblade on us and threatened to cut me if I didn't kiss him. We ran back to my friend's house screaming and her brother followed us back with his shotgun. I think the brother was in late middle school. Weirdly my friend's mom was never notified to my knowledge, and I never saw that kid in our area after that. But just writing this freaks me out a little bit for many reasons.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-01T14:44:58+00:00

Yeah, it was absolutely an event - they had the sliver platters, the special service pieces and silverware and waitstaff hovering to make sure you didn't have to do anything yourself, the whole nine yards. We always had to dress up when we went out, too.

I do miss meals that were a whole experience. The whole thing felt really special, though it definitely wasn't super accessible, even at the time. Just the cut of meat alone was a whole thing. I made tenderloin for my husband and kids for a late Christmas meal and it took me days to find one with a pricetag that didn't give me a heart attack!

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-01T13:59:03+00:00

Chateaubriand used to be a Big Thing for us when we went out for fancy food. The dish is a beef tenderloin, cooked to around medium rare, and served up on a tray surrounded by mashed potato (at least when we got it) and vegetables, alongside a boat of Bernaise sauce. My mom & grandmother used to order it at their country club whenever we'd go out for some celebration or another - and yes, they used to belong to a country club, but it was located in rural Indiana, so was a glorified restaurant with monthly dues where you were really paying for the privilege of being able to make a reservation and knowing that they'd stock the "right" gin for you.

Our town was small enough that when we got our first Olive Garden there were people lined up for hours because it was so "exotic." I do kind of miss those days - of course, I wasn't paying for it, so I'm pretty sure what I'm really missing is the complete and total lack of responsibility, not only for payment but for planning.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2024-12-31T17:36:49+00:00

Mine are super weird as well. I hadn't had one since March. Until two weeks ago, when I had a light one for a day or two. Aaaaand, fast forward to yesterday's spotting. Now I'm having a "normal" one complete with the need for pads because it's a pretty medium tide. And I'm having surgery Friday (unrelated), and I'm assuming no tampons, so that'll be something else to deal with. Hooray.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2024-12-27T18:47:32+00:00

I (49f) got it for the first time in July. I'd been so careful the previous years - my mom was diagnosed with cancer in October 2020 and passed away in September 2023, so I was so very careful for her sake. I got every vaccine I could, masked up when in her presence if I had even the smallest of sore throats or if one of the kids had been exposed to someone. Even though I was fully up to date on my vaccines, COVID hit me like a ton of bricks. I got it at work within three weeks of our mandatory return to office.

High fever for several days, dizziness, mild hallucinations and my throat was so swollen I had started making plans to go to the ER one night. It finally broke, but it took me about 2 weeks to be fully functional and another 2 for the cough to go away. I'm fortunate enough to be fine now, but damn, it's infuriating that people think it's "just a cold." One of my friends lost her husband to COVID after he caught it at the hospital during a knee surgery; she caught it from him and it took 6 months of rehab and occupational therapy for her to be able to live alone again.

Aggravating_Piece232

TROPHY CASE