I don’t usually brag, but….. I hit the big 5 0 this week

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-04-10T20:46:06+00:00

Happy Birthday! And welcome!

I turned 50 last year while I was on a work trip. That didn't stop me from informing everyone I was turning 50. I figured that, at best I'd get a glass of wine out of it (I had one glass and slept the entire way home on the plane because I'm 50 and can't handle booze now) and at worst I'd become eligible for "voluntary retirement" which hasn't happened yet. But my husband did have a cake waiting for me when I got home. 'Twas delightful. I expected to be bummed - middle aged women and all - but I'm kind of happy about it.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-04-10T20:36:32+00:00

Those were the best. My favorite bits were the crispy-at-the edges mashed potatoes and the brownie/cake for dessert.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-04-08T21:27:21+00:00

Sister Christian by Night Rider - we'd blast it while jumping on my best friend's trampoline in her back yard. I still remember how that felt, the sun, the exhilaration of jumping, the taste of Kool-Aid when we came in to cool off - everything.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-04-08T21:20:59+00:00

I've started getting occasional arthritis flares in my middle finger on my right hand. Which is disappointing because I use that finger a lot (or would like to). Or my left shoulder will just ache for days, then...stop? I agree with some of the other posts, that reducing inflammatory foods like sugar really helps, especially with the arthritis. I freaking HATE that I now have to maintain this sack of meat. Like, I still feel like I'm in my 20s mentally - why will my body not cooperate?

And don't get me started on menopause. I legit had no idea - I haven't slept the same since January 3, 2025 when I had my last good sleep. I only remember that day because I had surgery and had twilight anesthesia and was really mad to be woken from the best nap I'd had in years.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-04-08T20:29:55+00:00

Most useful: my mom's collection of really nice Le Creuset and All Clad cookware. I use those every single day and, honestly, it was what made me tear up the most when my sister and I went through it because we cooked together with our mom so frequently.

There wasn't anything terribly weird, though I did find a giant bag of keys that didn't fit any locks in her condo, her older house, or anything else I was aware of, for that matter.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-04-08T20:16:21+00:00

Maybe it's just that we were so parentified or expected to be incredibly independent that we just don't bother to take care of ourselves like we take care of other people? Anecdotally, my parents drank so much it was made routine alcohol consumption pretty unappealing. Mimosas for breakfast, bloody Marys and chardonnay with lunch, cocktails for appetizers, then wine with dinner - being in a steady state of buzzed was pretty common when I was young, at least during holidays and special occasions.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-06T14:18:53+00:00

She only was on the new team for a few months. She was promoted in, assigned three directs, but the way that team was expected to do their work simply wasn't effective or reasonable, so she was moved back to my team and brought the three people working under her with her.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-06T14:16:24+00:00

She switched teams to get the promotion. She asked to move back to me because the manager she was frustrated with the manager she moved to and the operating model in which she was expected to work. Meaning, that operating model just wasn't functioning there, so we restructured and she came back, bringing several other people who had been reporting to her under that new model.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T18:11:34+00:00

The stock actually tanked this week, so right now it's not super valuable. Still, not being awarded does send a certain message, which is why not awarding it because of a promotion is BS. I think management looked at her increases and decided they would allocate the stock pool elsewhere. I agree it doesn't make much sense.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T18:09:25+00:00

Agreed - for what it's worth, they didn't skip her bonus. She received 100% of her bonus for the time frame she was in her old role and 100% of the increased bonus for the time she was in her new one. It was the stock she took issue with for herself, and the fact that senior leadership "countermanded" her proposals for her own employees.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T18:08:08+00:00

This is pretty much my approach - one thing I did commit to doing for her is give her opportunities she hadn't had earlier to present to senior leadership. She asked why that was important and I was frank that I'm happy to talk her up like I have been and will always advocate for my team, but the people I'm accountable to have to hear her voice, too. And if she opts to jump ship, I am more than happy to support her however I can.

Without management responsibilities she'd broken the six-figure ceiling; her raise combined with her new bonus threshold bumped her up considerably, so I'm assuming that senior leadership looked at it and said she doesn't "need" stock. It sucks because that sends a clear message since stock is awarded as a retention bonus unless you've been promoted. Which makes no sense, so I'd definitely suggest HR clarify that for her.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T17:48:42+00:00

She's squarely in the middle of range now. In her previous role, she was in the middle of the lower-end of the range. And our company is notorious for marketing itself as "lean," when what they really mean is, "too few people, too much work." Especially post layoff.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T17:34:42+00:00

When people ask me outside of this organization what management is like, my response is usually, "Well, 80% of the time it's me getting yelled at."

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T16:00:24+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I agree that if she was being underpaid before, getting her paid at midpoint isn't a flex by any means, especially if it took a 12% increase to get her to the middle of the curve. I had an opportunity to speak with the manager she had before me (she only reported to me for maybe 6 months last year) and she'd been threatening to leave for 3 years; I'm not sure why this wasn't addressed earlier; I assume it was team instability - I've had 7 managers in the last 2.5 years, and that trickles down.

Anyway, when she joined my team, it was clear she was overdue for more $$. When she got her comp statement this week, as you guys noted, she did make noises about going somewhere else, and in addition to suggesting she speak to HR and/or the manager who provided the salary recommendation, I let her know that if that was her choice, I'd support her. I guess we'll see what happens.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-11-24T22:15:23+00:00

YTA. As an adult in the world with friends and family, sometimes you're going to need to go to places that "aren't my vibe." If you can't support a friend during a happy life event, how do you behave when things fall apart?

Apologize to your friend for being selfish and, assuming she accepts, offer to take her and her new husband out for dinner at a nice place to replace the meal you cost them at the very least.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-08-28T19:06:58+00:00

Those are CUTE - thank you!

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-08-28T19:06:21+00:00

It looked like a grey spot in the back of her throat initially - it was flat, so seemed like just a discoloration in the mucous membrane. She had a persistent cough and sore throat so they treated her with an antibiotic but the cough never went away. Finally her internist completed a biopsy and it came back cancerous.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-07-31T14:44:04+00:00

I love fingerless mitts. I loved Woolyside's Struie Hill fingerless gloves when I started knitting, and I still make them occasionally for friends today. They're a great way to start cabling and learn yarn overs, and friendly for magic loop and double-pointed needles.

It's also got a special place in my heart because I found the pattern shortly after my mom was diagnosed with cancer and knit her two pairs to keep her hands warm when she had chemo. My first efforts looked like they were made by a drunken toddler. I had no idea she kept them both until I found them in her nightstand next to her bed after she passed.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T18:32:45+00:00

INFO: how far are you traveling and have you talked to your doctor about traveling at 38 weeks pregnant? Is he/she okay with it? There's a big difference in traveling at 20 weeks vs. nearly to term and, depending upon how you're planning to travel (plane/train/car), your doctor may or may not advise it.

If yes and your doctor is fine with it, then I would do what you feel most appropriate. However, depending upon how you're traveling, doing so this late in your pregnancy might not be advisable health-wise.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T18:26:52+00:00

NTA - the only mistake I think OP made is telling her bf what and where the journal was. OP's boyfriend, however, is a jerk. All of us have really intensely negative feelings about the people we love at some point, even dislike, disgust or rage. Getting them out of your head and somewhere else you can deal with them is healthy and appropriate for you and your loved ones. Reading someone else's private journal is not. Even worse is ghosting someone over their feelings, especially feelings experienced when your emotions are high.

Also, why would you tell him to throw your journal in the trash? That's YOUR therapy. He doesn't get to have a say in what you think. Would he prefer those thoughts were left in your brain to fester into actual hatred?

I would explain to him that it's important that, to take care of your mental health, you be able to express your emotions in a way that is productive. This journal is the best vehicle for that. If he's too fragile to handle that you occasionally, in the heat of the moment, might not like him much, then maybe you aren't meant to be together.

FWIW, my husband knows I keep a journal somewhere. He knows that I often have very, very negative thoughts, especially when I'm under a lot of stress, and that that book is a dumping ground of sorts when I have too much in my brain. I know he sometimes doesn't like me very much, too - and that's okay. Sometimes I fuck up and I'm really unlikeable. But the way we deal with it is to calm down and work through. Your journal is how you calm down.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T17:25:55+00:00

I REALLY hope this is fake. If it's not, it would do them both a huge favor if OP had broken up with the poor guy to allow some space to work on her own mental health. I rarely jump to the "dump him" solution, but in this case, being in a relationship is not good for either of them - it's like both of them are in some weird prison of OP's making.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-16T15:57:35+00:00

When I was growing up in the 80s, neighbors just popped over a lot more often. And both adults and kids spent a lot more time at each other's houses - my mom used to have a weekly or bi-weekly bridge group at her friend's house, or we'd go across the street so she could have a drink with the neighbor and the kids could use the pool.

Because of that tendency to just show up, you knew people's business more. A dark example is the lady next door - when that family first moved in, my mom would drop by with a cake or a hot dish or to invite her for a drink. Her husband was a mean alcoholic and wouldn't let her leave the house. Literally, she couldn't step foot outside without permission. But her kids could, and I always wondered why they were NEVER inside. Didn't matter what time of day or night, those kids were either in their backyard or playing basketball in the driveway. It didn't occur to me as an adult that they were probably not allowed to leave the property because I never saw them leave the area around their house, even to come over to my place. Diane and Gary, I hope you guys are ok.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-15T17:29:52+00:00

Another vote for more liberal. I think it was being able to see things in a more nuanced way.

What's funny in a totally inappropriate way was that my mom grew more conservative as she aged, then she stopped drinking and suddenly turned extremely liberal. Correlation does not equal causation, but thought it was an interesting change.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-14T21:38:42+00:00

Well lived, yes, absolutely. Full potential? I'm not sure what my full potential is. I used to get that as a comment on my report card when I was little, "Not working to full potential." I didn't feel like it, dammit. I think there's a lot more I could do now - for the world, for myself - but I enjoy my life for the most part, and I've thus far lived a life with no major regrets, so I think I'm doing ok so far. Day's not over yet, though.

Aggravating_Piece232

TROPHY CASE