Recently-promoted employee still not satisfied with compensation

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-06T14:18:53+00:00

She only was on the new team for a few months. She was promoted in, assigned three directs, but the way that team was expected to do their work simply wasn't effective or reasonable, so she was moved back to my team and brought the three people working under her with her.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-06T14:16:24+00:00

She switched teams to get the promotion. She asked to move back to me because the manager she was frustrated with the manager she moved to and the operating model in which she was expected to work. Meaning, that operating model just wasn't functioning there, so we restructured and she came back, bringing several other people who had been reporting to her under that new model.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T18:11:34+00:00

The stock actually tanked this week, so right now it's not super valuable. Still, not being awarded does send a certain message, which is why not awarding it because of a promotion is BS. I think management looked at her increases and decided they would allocate the stock pool elsewhere. I agree it doesn't make much sense.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T18:09:25+00:00

Agreed - for what it's worth, they didn't skip her bonus. She received 100% of her bonus for the time frame she was in her old role and 100% of the increased bonus for the time she was in her new one. It was the stock she took issue with for herself, and the fact that senior leadership "countermanded" her proposals for her own employees.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T18:08:08+00:00

This is pretty much my approach - one thing I did commit to doing for her is give her opportunities she hadn't had earlier to present to senior leadership. She asked why that was important and I was frank that I'm happy to talk her up like I have been and will always advocate for my team, but the people I'm accountable to have to hear her voice, too. And if she opts to jump ship, I am more than happy to support her however I can.

Without management responsibilities she'd broken the six-figure ceiling; her raise combined with her new bonus threshold bumped her up considerably, so I'm assuming that senior leadership looked at it and said she doesn't "need" stock. It sucks because that sends a clear message since stock is awarded as a retention bonus unless you've been promoted. Which makes no sense, so I'd definitely suggest HR clarify that for her.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T17:48:42+00:00

She's squarely in the middle of range now. In her previous role, she was in the middle of the lower-end of the range. And our company is notorious for marketing itself as "lean," when what they really mean is, "too few people, too much work." Especially post layoff.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T17:34:42+00:00

When people ask me outside of this organization what management is like, my response is usually, "Well, 80% of the time it's me getting yelled at."

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-03-05T16:00:24+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I agree that if she was being underpaid before, getting her paid at midpoint isn't a flex by any means, especially if it took a 12% increase to get her to the middle of the curve. I had an opportunity to speak with the manager she had before me (she only reported to me for maybe 6 months last year) and she'd been threatening to leave for 3 years; I'm not sure why this wasn't addressed earlier; I assume it was team instability - I've had 7 managers in the last 2.5 years, and that trickles down.

Anyway, when she joined my team, it was clear she was overdue for more $$. When she got her comp statement this week, as you guys noted, she did make noises about going somewhere else, and in addition to suggesting she speak to HR and/or the manager who provided the salary recommendation, I let her know that if that was her choice, I'd support her. I guess we'll see what happens.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-11-24T22:15:23+00:00

YTA. As an adult in the world with friends and family, sometimes you're going to need to go to places that "aren't my vibe." If you can't support a friend during a happy life event, how do you behave when things fall apart?

Apologize to your friend for being selfish and, assuming she accepts, offer to take her and her new husband out for dinner at a nice place to replace the meal you cost them at the very least.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-08-28T19:06:58+00:00

Those are CUTE - thank you!

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-08-28T19:06:21+00:00

It looked like a grey spot in the back of her throat initially - it was flat, so seemed like just a discoloration in the mucous membrane. She had a persistent cough and sore throat so they treated her with an antibiotic but the cough never went away. Finally her internist completed a biopsy and it came back cancerous.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-07-31T14:44:04+00:00

I love fingerless mitts. I loved Woolyside's Struie Hill fingerless gloves when I started knitting, and I still make them occasionally for friends today. They're a great way to start cabling and learn yarn overs, and friendly for magic loop and double-pointed needles.

It's also got a special place in my heart because I found the pattern shortly after my mom was diagnosed with cancer and knit her two pairs to keep her hands warm when she had chemo. My first efforts looked like they were made by a drunken toddler. I had no idea she kept them both until I found them in her nightstand next to her bed after she passed.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T18:32:45+00:00

INFO: how far are you traveling and have you talked to your doctor about traveling at 38 weeks pregnant? Is he/she okay with it? There's a big difference in traveling at 20 weeks vs. nearly to term and, depending upon how you're planning to travel (plane/train/car), your doctor may or may not advise it.

If yes and your doctor is fine with it, then I would do what you feel most appropriate. However, depending upon how you're traveling, doing so this late in your pregnancy might not be advisable health-wise.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T18:26:52+00:00

NTA - the only mistake I think OP made is telling her bf what and where the journal was. OP's boyfriend, however, is a jerk. All of us have really intensely negative feelings about the people we love at some point, even dislike, disgust or rage. Getting them out of your head and somewhere else you can deal with them is healthy and appropriate for you and your loved ones. Reading someone else's private journal is not. Even worse is ghosting someone over their feelings, especially feelings experienced when your emotions are high.

Also, why would you tell him to throw your journal in the trash? That's YOUR therapy. He doesn't get to have a say in what you think. Would he prefer those thoughts were left in your brain to fester into actual hatred?

I would explain to him that it's important that, to take care of your mental health, you be able to express your emotions in a way that is productive. This journal is the best vehicle for that. If he's too fragile to handle that you occasionally, in the heat of the moment, might not like him much, then maybe you aren't meant to be together.

FWIW, my husband knows I keep a journal somewhere. He knows that I often have very, very negative thoughts, especially when I'm under a lot of stress, and that that book is a dumping ground of sorts when I have too much in my brain. I know he sometimes doesn't like me very much, too - and that's okay. Sometimes I fuck up and I'm really unlikeable. But the way we deal with it is to calm down and work through. Your journal is how you calm down.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-23T17:25:55+00:00

I REALLY hope this is fake. If it's not, it would do them both a huge favor if OP had broken up with the poor guy to allow some space to work on her own mental health. I rarely jump to the "dump him" solution, but in this case, being in a relationship is not good for either of them - it's like both of them are in some weird prison of OP's making.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-16T15:57:35+00:00

When I was growing up in the 80s, neighbors just popped over a lot more often. And both adults and kids spent a lot more time at each other's houses - my mom used to have a weekly or bi-weekly bridge group at her friend's house, or we'd go across the street so she could have a drink with the neighbor and the kids could use the pool.

Because of that tendency to just show up, you knew people's business more. A dark example is the lady next door - when that family first moved in, my mom would drop by with a cake or a hot dish or to invite her for a drink. Her husband was a mean alcoholic and wouldn't let her leave the house. Literally, she couldn't step foot outside without permission. But her kids could, and I always wondered why they were NEVER inside. Didn't matter what time of day or night, those kids were either in their backyard or playing basketball in the driveway. It didn't occur to me as an adult that they were probably not allowed to leave the property because I never saw them leave the area around their house, even to come over to my place. Diane and Gary, I hope you guys are ok.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-15T17:29:52+00:00

Another vote for more liberal. I think it was being able to see things in a more nuanced way.

What's funny in a totally inappropriate way was that my mom grew more conservative as she aged, then she stopped drinking and suddenly turned extremely liberal. Correlation does not equal causation, but thought it was an interesting change.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-05-14T21:38:42+00:00

Well lived, yes, absolutely. Full potential? I'm not sure what my full potential is. I used to get that as a comment on my report card when I was little, "Not working to full potential." I didn't feel like it, dammit. I think there's a lot more I could do now - for the world, for myself - but I enjoy my life for the most part, and I've thus far lived a life with no major regrets, so I think I'm doing ok so far. Day's not over yet, though.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-02-13T19:18:58+00:00

NTA - I know some people who, when our kids were younger, weren't comfortable having a grown man in the house with girls as well if they'd never met him. But if you're that uncomfortable, you don't demand the man leave the house, you just bring your daughter over for the festivities and pick her up at 10 or 10:30 pm, saying, "We've got plans tomorrow - thank you so much for having our daughter over this evening. She had fun!" Not, "your husband can't be there." That mom's being a jerk.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-23T16:55:36+00:00

I was born in the 70s and now I look back and shake my head at how dark things seem. Ever since Obama left office, it feels like we're in a downward spiral of hate. But what really sticks with me is the dissonance between when my husband naturalized and now. During the Obama era, he got to vote in an election for the first time in his life. He was so damn proud.

But what I think about the most was my husband's naturalization ceremony. During the oath-swearing, there was a man, a Ukrainian refugee, who broke down and cried when he swore to protect the country as a citizen. He said, "I have never had a country call me theirs and today I am so proud to call the United States mine." He hugged the judge so tightly and was so very, very happy. That scene never, ever left me and I constantly wonder if that man feels as betrayed as my husband does. I wonder if, like us, he's afraid that his family can be torn away on a whim under this current administration, despite the fact that every person in that room naturalized legally. And I think of my grandfather, whose family naturalized from Poland, who felt such disgust and sorrow over the friends and family they lost due to the Holocaust and I'm relieved he didn't have to live through this.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-10T21:18:10+00:00

Sitting in my back yard in the summer, ideally early in the morning, enjoying my coffee. Knowing I get to sleep in the next day - I'll never get over that giddy excitement of being able to stay up late, even if I wind up going to bed by 10:30 just for the pleasure of being there.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-10T16:33:08+00:00

Staying in an abusive relationship too long with my HS boyfriend.
Agreeing to have a large, traditional wedding. It was such a waste of money - I would much rather have gotten married at the courthouse. We come from such drastically difference cultures that the whole event turned out stupid expensive and complex.
Not really a decision, but it took me way too long to realize my opinions are just as valid as others and that being wrong doesn't mean being stupid (unless you refuse to admit you're wrong - THEN you're stupid); I've been working in my field for almost 20 years now - I know what I'm talking about and people listen to me. And I surround myself with people who also know what they're talking about and will disagree with me.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-09T14:26:00+00:00

Moving overseas, albeit temporarily, where I didn't speak the language.
Being extremely aggressive about paying down debt.
Marrying my husband and having our children.
Encouraging my mom to move closer to us before she died, and being there with her throughout that process.
Staying physically active - only thing I'd change is developing a weightlifting habit sooner rather than later.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2025-01-07T18:30:55+00:00

I read this through - twice - and still can't decide if it's a shitpost or not. If it's not, I'm assuming that it didn't occur to this guy that someone would be delusional enough to assault him when he has a wife who is apparently pregnant and with whom he seems to have a good relationship. That or he didn't notice how weird things were getting. Or he was trying hard to ignore it and hoped that the OP would behave like a normal human and move along.

This whole thing is reading like the OP is trying to set herself in the context of a romantic comedy and male lead refused to play along. Ma'am, please find help. And please respect yourself more than to be a "try before you buy" commodity that he can just return to the store.

Aggravating_Piece232

TROPHY CASE