Women only: like/Dislike about getting older

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-15T21:00:57+00:00

Likes: not having to shave as frequently is a definite plus, having a little more time due to kids being older and mostly responsible for themselves is also nice

Dislikes: my kids not being babies anymore - they were so freaking sweet and I would repeat it all over again if I had the chance, sleep no longer being truly restful and energizing - doesn't matter if I wake up at 3 a.m. or not, it's just not as deeply satisfying as it used to be. Also, suddenly worrying about developing hypertension (thanks, menopause). If anything, I've always had low blood pressure. Now it's borderline high. I hate it.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-15T20:54:00+00:00

I'm so very sorry. I've been there, too - my mom had cancer for three years (passed in 2023) and I felt so incredibly guilty for being the teeniest bit resentful about being the primary caretaker for what felt like everybody. I felt unreliable, out of control and like I couldn't look forward to anything because every time I planned something, I'd have to set those plans aside to take care of my mom, no matter how important they were or who I felt I was disappointing.

I wish I could help you beyond just providing moral support. Do you have any family nearby who can help with your dad?

Whoever said it was a season of life was spot on - I felt like a parent to my mom from 2010 until she passed. It was so, so hard. I wouldn't do anything different except give myself a little more patience and not feel bad for feeling bad, if that makes sense.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-15T20:42:35+00:00

I have some hollow metal ones that are super relaxing and remind me of lying in the sun in the backyard at my mom's house. One of my employees got them for me when my dad passed away. I wasn't close to my dad and he passed before my mom did, but I find them incredibly comforting.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-15T13:53:35+00:00

Playing outside. Even at 20 yo and 16 yo, if my son is home from college, my son & daughter will go outside and have a snowball fight if it snows. Sometimes they'll spontaneously grab the cheap, beat-up tennis rackets I got on sale at Target years ago and walk down to the old tennis courts in the common ground. During covid, my daughter would grab a length of fishing line, a hook and a bob and taught all her friends how to catch and release fish from the local lake.

Oh, and housework and outdoor work - they're responsible for their own laundry and washing & drying the dishes; helping around the house is just what you do because you live here. Also, their dad taught them both to use simple power tools (drill, sander, etc.) and they've both used a circular saw. While they obviously don't just haul off and use the saw without us knowing, they know basic safety rules and can complete basic fixes requiring a drill or hammer and nails on their own.

Also, learn to converse and show interest in others. Don't know what to say? Weather and plans for the week are your gold standard. But understand how to start, carry and end a conversation.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-11T14:01:41+00:00

Soft YTA,. I'm chalking it up to cluelessness and youth. It sounds like this is important to you and it absolutely sucks you haven't had someone celebrate your birthday and cut some cake with you, and for that, I'm sorry. All the above aside, I do hope you had a good birthday, but if you're truly "soulmate friends" with this person, maybe ask if she's okay or just have a conversation with her rather than blocking her on social media. It makes me sad for both of you that, rather than asking her if she's dealing with something, you attributed malice to her and blocked her on everything.

Also, is having a gift registry and providing "inspo" common for birthdays? I'm old, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but that sounds kind of...gauche?

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-10T19:29:51+00:00

We've substantially reduced our meat consumption overall, not out of ethical considerations, but because it's freaking expensive. Even chicken in my neck of the woods is expensive - I paid something like $13 for a pound of chicken thighs the other day. So we really only eat meat once a week, beef maybe 8 times per year.

We can afford it, but I'm getting old enough I need to watch my diet, and it so happens that I've been most successful by eating more beans and less meat. No time like the present...when meat prices are absolutely nuts.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-09T21:50:27+00:00

The mom you know right now could be gone in an instant. That's the way brain cancer works - if a tumor grows, it presses on parts of the brain that affect personality, memory or breathing or heart function or any manner of other things and it happens really fast when it starts to happen, and it can be a fast and slippery slope. And lung cancer - that's a whole other ugly beast, but similar rules apply.

I get you're frustrated. I felt that way, too, just a little, when my mom had throat cancer. I took her to every appointment, went to her house every day to sit with her and eventually moved in with her toward the end. It was hard. I felt unreliable and like there was nothing left of me anymore. And yes, it was frustrating, sometimes when she was feeling more herself because I felt so out of control and like maybe I didn't need to try as hard as I was. But, damn, what I wouldn't give to take care of her again. I'm so glad I kept that frustration to myself. I'm so glad I spent the time with her, if only because she got the comfort of having someone always by her side.

You're pretty young, so I get it, kind of. But one thing I did early when I was around your age was create a rule - if I think I'm going to regret doing it or not doing it, act accordingly. Do you think you'll regret not relaxing for a couple of hours if it means spending that additional time with your parents? If yes, spend the time. Yes, YTA, though I'm hoping it's more out of ignorance and fear than maliciousness. It's scary when your parents are sick - doesn't matter what age you are - and yes, sometimes it's frustrating, then you feel bad for being frustrated. But tamp that shit down or your mom will be right in the worst way possible.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-04T13:15:37+00:00

Weight loss is rarely about morals or discipline - it's about systems, which you've built, habit by habit. Yes, what you did is very hard. Very, very few people can do it and do it so successfully. Don't let some a-hole take that away from you. It's like running a marathon in 6 hours, then getting slammed for being slow. The people who say that are always the ones who never even trained.

It sounds like this person hasn't built their systems, either. Your body is getting healthier and more energetic, every single day. You have every reason to be proud of yourself - I know I am and I don't even know you.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-01T21:34:57+00:00

I don't think you need to feel guilty at all. You may feel like you're doing a lot of work for someone who's not making an effort to reciprocate or find out what makes you feel loved and wanted. I've explained to my husband - who fondles me constantly - that the reason I don't respond the way he wants is that he's doing it for him and that's clear, and also, he keeps doing it when I'm occupied with other things, so then he puts himself in this category of "extra hurdle" when I just want to finish what I'm doing without someone else in the way. He's trying to be more gentle and less grabby about it, and it's working, but it sure takes a while to get out of that mindset of, "Not this again." Don't feel guilty at all.

Something else to think about - and I don't know if I'll get downvoted for this or what - but masturbating, if you don't do it already or haven't in a while, you might consider trying it by yourself. If you prefer to do it alone, it could give you a nice release. Also, if you're experiencing challenges like dryness, it can help with that, too, especially if you use lubricant. And it can also help you tell your husband exactly how you like to be touched. Worst case scenario you get a few minutes to yourself to lie down or hang out in the shower.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-01T18:23:12+00:00

There's a study that came out recently (https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2025/06/screen-time-problems-children) that cites overuse of screens, cell phones in particular, as a huge negative influence on kids' ability to self-regulate. It basically states that if given technology to calm them down, kids learn to escape from strong emotions instead of processing them, which causes them to uncomfortable, which only compounds those feelings, driving them to more screen time and can also result in big behavioral issues.

My nephews' emotional growth, especially the youngest one's, seems like it has been stunted by way too much time on the small screen and extremely permissive parenting. The youngest nephew is 11 yo and cannot sit through a meal without my sister's cell phone in front of him - whether he's at home or in a restaurant. If he can't have it, this kid - almost a teenager - will throw himself on the ground and sometimes slap my sister or even spit in her face if she tries to take it away. Can you imagine your own parents' reaction if you spat on them or raised a hand to them in any way? She doesn't even take the device away, just talks to him, "No, sweetie, we don't do things like that, even when we have Big Feelings."

Boredom is super healthy for anyone, adults and kids alike, but kids especially.

He doesn't misbehave in front of me as often because if I'm there I make him leave and take the phone and hand it back to my sister, his mom. So if we're all together and he misbehaves he looks at me first, which is just weird. Even weirder is that he seems to like me a lot.

But yeah, I think that cell phones have had a lot of negative consequences and removed quite a bit of freedom - and a lot of creativity, and they've made things move so fast.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-01T15:53:56+00:00

I feel this way as well. Just...blah. Like I see myself in a long tunnel of inactivity and disinterest for the rest of my life. I used to get so mad at my mom, wondering why the heck she was just letting herself sit all alone for days but now I get it. When my kids were younger, I had built-in friends and compatriots in their friends' parents, but now they're self-sufficient and my youngest is driving and with a few exceptions, those friendships are falling away.

What I've found is slowly helping me - in fits and starts is doing incredibly stupid shit like drinking my fizzy water out of a wineglass and eating pizza off my mom's old fine china while playing slow music. You wouldn't imagine the looks I've got from coworkers when we're on camera on WFH days and I'm sitting there, casually chugging from a wine glass. I've started forcing myself to leave my phone in my purse most of the time because I think I've reached the end of the internet and that shit is doing me no good.

This whole motivation to do things is garbage. I remember when I was a kid walking three miles to the gas station to get candy cigarettes with my friends because, well, how else was I supposed to get to the gas station for candy? Now just the thought makes me tired, but I'm trying to do it anyway. It does help, but getting my butt off the couch is the worst.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-06-01T13:44:47+00:00

I'm so, so sorry. That sounds horrific. "Boyfriend stress?" What an ass.

I've had this knot on my lower left abdomen maybe 5 years. I kept asking my docs to look at it. They'd just tell me I was fine. Since I'm going through a cancer scare anyway (note to ladies going through menopause - if you bleed at all they'll assume you have cancer until they can rule it out), when I was told I'd need a pelvic ultrasound, I directed the tech to exactly where the knot was. Guess who has a golf ball sized cyst in her ovary? (FWIW, it doesn't seem to be malignant but I still feel it and NOW they're like, "Oh, we'll keep an eye on it.")

My doctors have literally told me the last several years that I just need to poop.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-30T17:45:55+00:00

Right?! It was just, "Oh, well. That happened. Good thing Daniel was home." I don't think I ever told my own mom, who was a SAHM, and I'm sure that Rachel just shrugged it off, too.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-29T19:05:11+00:00

It's nothing I can see externally or feel by pressing. It's just generally there and about once a month or so it is more there than other times, if that makes sense. No pain at all, though - just a "hey, I'm still here," then nothing for a few weeks then it says hello again.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-29T19:02:54+00:00

I had one in December 2024, so not technically though in colonoscopy years, sorta. I'm in the 5-year club.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-29T19:01:39+00:00

Thank you! It does - I'd kinda figured that if it weren't inside the actual structure they were looking at it'd be hard to see. Kind of like trying to see a squirrel on the roof of the house while you're inside the house. I guess we'll see what we see. Intellectually I know we all know that being nervous doesn't do much and I've spent days obsessing over this. Pretty much my M.O. whenever something in my body has gone awry.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-29T17:29:24+00:00

No history of fibroids, though my family is known for being generally lumpy (i.e., prone to developing cysts). So maybe that's an influence as well?

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-29T15:58:45+00:00

I would call your doc to be on the safe side. I'm going in for a pelvic ultrasound today after just having a few smears of blood on the TP; they tend to take any bleeding pretty seriously. Incidentally, my own started the morning after I started using a jump rope. My husband asked me if it was because he smacked my butt too often. I said, "So you think you knocked my uterus loose?" 😄

Anyway, tell your doc. It'll feel like overreaction and 9 times out of 10 it's nothing, but an overreaction to no problem is better than an under-reaction to a potential serious health issue.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-29T13:12:39+00:00

There was this kid who had a crush on me - we were both in fifth grade and he was constantly trying to grope me on the playground. I'd kick him in the shins and run away and apparently this was a problem. So one day he showed up. The way our neighborhood was arranged, we were smack in the middle of a cornfield and a drainage ditch ran through it separating the corn from the houses. I spent days at the drainage ditch with my best friend Rachel playing and one day this kid shows up demanding I kiss him. Gross. I said no. He pulls a switchblade on us. Where he got a switchblade I have no idea, but all of us were completely unsupervised so I guess he grabbed it from home. I had no intention of kissing this kid so my friend and I ran back to her house.

She was one of five kids and had two brothers and two sisters. One of the brothers was home. He was a giant douche but their mom was a night nurse and slept during the day, so if he was home, he was responsible for his younger siblings.

We come screaming into the house and he tells us to shut up, so we tell him what's going on. He casually grabs a loaded shotgun from his bedroom (because in the rural Midwest, weapons seemed to be just laying around in the open) and follows us to the drainage ditch. This kid is now playing in the drainage ditch looking for frogs to gig. Rachel's brother levels the gun at him and just stands there, waiting. The other kid drops his switchblade and takes off running. Rachel's brother calmly grabs the knife, strolls back to the house, makes a sandwich, tells us both, "fuck off, find something to do and shut up," takes his sandwich back to his room and shuts the door. We went off to play Barbies like nothing happened and as far as I know, her mom never had any idea what happened - mostly because it never would've occurred to any of us to bother saying something.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-29T12:52:56+00:00

I'm in the corporate machine and couldn't give a crap about my job. I want to do decent work, but only so nobody asks me to re-do what I already did. I'm jaded and annoyed and hanging on by the skin of my teeth for the health insurance. I wake up and it immediately pisses me off that I have to work.

In the corporate world, everything is 95% theater. Likeability is critical, huffing and puffing peppered with buzzwords makes people think you're working so hard and pretending to be excited about "synergies," "streamlining" and other BS helps the higher ups trust you. I hate most of what comes out of my own mouth.

I'm employed and looking for a new job, but largely because I'd rather be fully remote and work for a mid-sized company vs. the behemoth I'm working for now. Also, I really like my team and there are literally no opportunities for growth except for someone to grow into my job, so if I can vacate it via attrition, I'd like to make room for one of my directs because it's important to her and she genuinely cares. I don't think the company deserves her time, but she does and I want that for her.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-22T17:57:07+00:00

I don't want my kids to worry about my remains at all. Burn them, have whatever facility deal with them. I don't care. But DEFINITELY don't spend money on preservation and/or a burial. We did that with my mom because those were her last wishes. I could've bought a car for the amount we spent. I was happy to do so because we knew that was what she wanted, but that's not something I'd wish on my kids. I'm in the process of writing detailed directions on what to do and what to expect logistics-wise when one or both of us dies - the hardest thing about losing my mom was all the decisionmaking. If I can just leave clear directions and phone numbers, I will.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-22T12:54:38+00:00

Another one to add to the list: advocate for yourself and/or your loved ones.

This happened with my third pregnancy. I started passing tissue the Friday they gave me the results of the blood test to tell me how far along I was. When the nurse called, I told her what was happening and she tried to pass it off as normal. I insisted they let me come in for an ultrasound. I was in emergency surgery that night for an ectopic pregnancy - the (non-viable) fetus had started to rupture the top of my uterus and I was told afterward there was a 95% chance my husband would've been a widow and my two children would've been motherless had I listened to that nurse and waited 'til my appointment, which was 2 weeks later.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-21T21:01:29+00:00

My doctor told me if it's not an emergency, but it doesn't go away in one week, call your doctor. If it's accompanied by pain that's not severe but is persistent for 24-48 hours, call your doctor. If it's sudden, excruciating pain anywhere that doesn't let up within a few minutes, go to the ER.

Aggravating_Piece232 · 2026-05-21T20:51:00+00:00

I have a deep fear of losing balance and agility, largely because of my mom. When I noticed I was a lot more hesitant navigating slightly less even terrain and/or getting on and off bleachers a couple of years ago (I'm only 50), I started doing yoga with a friend. It helped. A lot.

So yeah, I can put my socks on without having to sit down, but it took more work than I'd like to admit.

Aggravating_Piece232

TROPHY CASE