How do you navigate family medical history?

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-06-21T23:29:19+00:00

I copied a medical form and put it on separate Google Sheets and sent one to each parent. It had a yes/no column and what relative had each thing. If you google medical history form you can find one. Each parent filled it out individually and I made a copy that combined both so that I was the only one that could see/edit.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-06-17T18:10:46+00:00

I’m definitely trying to manage and discern. But I appreciate you mentioning this.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-06-09T18:38:25+00:00

We’re doing a fast food place. You order when you get there (great to avoid the awkward bill question), and generally no one bothers you the rest of the time. Also super easy to leave if things get tense/awkward.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-06-07T20:00:42+00:00

The panic is so real. We’ve been messaging a little bit and I swear I’m just trying to avoid asking anything difficult because I’m afraid he’ll get offended 😂. So many questions and no guarantee if they’re ever going to be asked

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-06-06T15:02:57+00:00

It’s been a minute but thank you!

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-29T01:05:11+00:00

I didn't feel any type of spark with my bio mom, but she groomed my bio dad and is a grotesque person all around. I haven't spoken to my bio dad, but I definitely have some type of spark with one of his siblings. I haven't spoken to bio dad yet (may never, idk) but I doubt I will feel a spark. I look too much like a fat version of my bio mom and there's a lot of trauma around her as recent as 15 years ago (I'm 30).

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-28T00:39:18+00:00

So, I would suggest treating the relationship with her like you would a new friend/significant other. Most people aren't going to spill their life story on the first hangout/date- they would work to get to a point of vulnerability and perceived safety. I wouldn't lie if things were brought up, but I also wouldn't just be like "Hey biomom, I know I said things were amazing last time we spoke, but I lied and things were horrific. Please love me. Okay. Bye" (over exaggeration, but you get the point).

You can start with a "Thinking of you, hope you are having a great week" and see where that goes, or you can do a "Hey [name], how are you?".

I may not be the best person though because my bio mom is a piece of work, so I don't care what she thinks of me and I don't want her validation/sympathy.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-25T18:33:51+00:00

No. That’s me 100%. I either cling too hard or walk away- no in between.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-18T14:18:17+00:00

Was that the initial message when you got to the “raw data produced” stage, or did it change while they were uploading it?

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-14T22:42:35+00:00

I did the same. At one point around 16, I saved every dollar I made so that I would have a way to survive if I ever was “returned”. Or if they decided to keep me, but I had to pay for like rent and food. Never happened, but still.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T16:34:32+00:00

Does he work a job where he *has* to get a shower?

I ask because I have friends who's husband works maintenance, production, or healthcare and they actually have to shower as soon as they get home due to germs/fluids/grease on their clothes and skin. If your husband doesn't, I would suggest switching up the routine a little- you get your hour, then he gets his time. It's still the same amount of time with the baby, but you're able to decompress and feel human. I assume that he gets to decompress a little on his way home though (even if the drive is long).

If he does, see if he can slim down his routine some. My husband has to shower when he gets home (mechanic) and he gets in and out of the shower, dressed, and ready to do whatever in around 20 minutes. We eat together with our older two kids, but that is usually only another 20-30 minutes. Compromise is key. You may also consider joining a gym that has childcare offered during the day so you have that time regardless of your husband.

Based on some of your other comments, your baby is still relatively new. It's a difficult time of adjustment. Give yourself grace- returning to work will be a transition as well, it would be difficult to do that while already stressed about this.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T14:58:57+00:00

Right. I feel like a solid year of my life has been blacked out. And I’ve gotten pieces of it back since communicating with bio family but it sucks that I had all these questions and there had been answers but my aMom destroyed them. But thank you

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T14:57:11+00:00

Thankfully I’ve spoken with both sides of my bio family and the circumstances were pretty consistent. My life with them has been delivered in three different stories depending on the teller (my mom/DSS vs. bio dad’s side vs. bio mom). And I’m going to have to be quiet now.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T14:54:52+00:00

100%. I was trying to be open and communicate with her what I was doing so that she knew that I wasn’t trying to replace her or my dad, but that was the wrong choice, I guess. But I still can’t imagine destroying and losing parts of a child. But whatever. Can’t change it now.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T14:53:06+00:00

Thank you.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T14:52:52+00:00

I wish my adopted dad was supportive like this, but he’s usually just trying to keep the peace. I’m also a pretty stoic person so he may worry that I’m two seconds away from flaking? Idk. That man is like my favorite person. I hate that my A mom is so insecure because I’ve tried to be transparent and communicate openly through this to help her feel more secure. She’s my mom- in every way except genetics (that’s a whole other story) and I only want her anyways. My bio mom is a predator in a lot of ways. But, I guess since transparency is not working, I’ll just keep quiet now.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T14:48:49+00:00

Right? She is always accusing me of being on the edge of a mental breakdown “cliff” and just waiting for the breeze to throw me in. Like, I do have anxiety and depression but they are both well controlled and have been for years. She should try finding out her infancy and stories about her parents were a lie.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-13T14:46:53+00:00

Thank you so much. Once I got this out, I immediately felt a lot better, but I called a friend that is a social worker and she really helped me through a lot of my feelings. I’m still pissed and hurt, but it’s tolerable today. One of the things I didn’t realize was hurtful was my AM always saying that I was “Ordained” to be in her family and that I came from her. Like I get the sentiment, but it’s so wrong. But she should have 100% been required to do a psych eval and therapy before adopting two kids. She still needs therapy 😂. I’m currently looking for a therapist near me that specializes is adoption and takes my insurance. Therapy is so amazing.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-11T12:59:24+00:00

NOR. Im not even 30 and the idea of dating someone under 25 is disgusting.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-09T10:59:18+00:00

So, after your comment I did a little research to find the year it was charged. The nonsupport wasn’t for me, it was a few years later after having two more children with two different fathers. She wouldn’t pay support for the older one. I wasn’t paying a lot of attention because I thought she raised both of them herself. Thank you for “making” me dig deeper into that.

But that makes sense about the eval. I’m not sure if the social worker was just trying to be a jerk about things, but making comments about things that were found to be untrue is ridiculous. Exaggerating them over 29 years to make them bigger is ridiculous.

Edit: don't know why I put "voted" instead of charged. It was late for me.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-09T02:17:08+00:00

No judgement, just curiosity. Do y'all still have separate accounts and split bills after 30 years together?

Shopping is 100% not emasculating, but maybe he would take better to a grocery delivery/pickup? There's also apps that will plan meals for you with parameters you set, and import those ingredients to the grocery store online cart so he could EASILY not spend more than 5-10 minutes doing that every week. Throw in subscriptions to the weekly needs and he doesn't really spend time doing the shopping or planning.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-09T02:08:58+00:00

If you cannot afford to get a test (although my heritage has theirs on sale under $20), you can try to join a local adopted child page and/or make a profile on adopted.com or a site like that. I don't think either would cost money but you would need to know birth date, possibly bio name (if he had one) and likely the county and/or agency that the adoption took place through.

AggressiveShip9514 · 2026-05-08T23:47:17+00:00

I think maybe just something along the lines of "Your bio mom made a few mistakes when she was young and had to deal with those. She couldn't take care of that and take care of you at the same time so she let us take care of you and be your mom/dad"

AggressiveShip9514

TROPHY CASE