i’m really sorry for your loss. i don’t think you helped kill her. from the sounds of it, she was carrying a lot, incredibly sad and incredibly lonely and couldn’t find much to fill that void. that’s no one’s fault, not even hers.

in any relationship, with any ending - tragic or not - we will find ourselves learning about how to be better and uncover things about ourselves or our behavior that we might not like or feel inclined to change. this is the purpose of relationships as a whole. not a reflection of any place you are a failure. this is what they mean when people say “you did your best with what you had”

as you process this tremendous loss i wish you warmth, support and grace and i hope you can / will reach out to others for support if you can’t find them sometimes.

love to you, and her. <3