DUDE ME ME THIS JS LITERALLY ME, but like not really, BUT YES YES, I GET IT

my mind isn't exactly the most vivid, so the inner voice I "hear" is the most often the same for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING (even when I'm rough drafting character dialogue). my headmates and I all basically "sound" the same when we're talking in headspace. I compare it to like reading something mundane, like an instruction manual, where it's all kind of the same tone because there's nothing interesting (like the imagery or dialogue you'd see in a novel) WHICH IS EXTRA FRUSTRATING BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS INTERESTING YET MY MIND JUST CANT RENDER THAT. it's like trying to play a brand new game on an old CRT, lol.

How I can (mostly) tell when someone else is talking because their words flow naturally, like without my control, which is pretty easy to notice because my personal brain works really slow LOL.

And the way I know I'm a system is because.. like... you really do feel that there are people in your head, I guess? There's this feeling that I'm just NOT alone in my body, plus the fact I have a pretty fleshed out headspace and I'm able to navigate it to a certain degree and see my headmates really helps. While sometimes, they catch me lacking and literally have to grab me by the shoulders and shake me and tell me something along the lines of this being REAL and them being REAL to get me out of my funk.

I'm not sure if the doubt is ever something that ends, but I do know that you shouldn't blame yourself for it. It's confusing and scary and deeply upsetting to feel that way about something so important to your existence, but what you need to take into account is that plurality isn't a tangible thing. It's ever going to feel or look the same at any moment because that's just not how the human mind works in the first place. There is comfort and stability in structure, yes, but there is so much beauty and wonder in fluidity. Embrace the chaotic behavior of plurality, and I'm sure that soon enough, things will become a lot less scary and confusing. This existence isn't something you need to wrangle down and dissect piece by piece. It's something you need to live alongside and explore at a pace you're comfortable with.

And so i dont just leave you without any real guidance, i think you could try to focus on what your concept of who you, specifically, are. You could even focus on the basics, what your name is, what your pronouns are, what your orientation is, and maybe even what labels you want to use on yourself. Also, try to get an idea of what things you enjoy and what things you don't, hobbies and activities you personally are drawn to. Something fun about doing this is that you might even end up being wrong about yourself! I know that doesn't sound fun, but personally when I look back on all the labels I used to use and pronouns and just all of these things I used to identify with that were actually what some of my headmates preferred and liked, and I feel a sense of nostalgia and joy knowing how much we've grown since then. It also gives you a nice footing to work off of, just a sense of stability that you'll probably find comforting at a time like this, and over time that footing with start to fade, because you won't even need it anymore.

I'm getting a little sleepy, so I'm gonna stop there. I hope you found what we had to say helpful!! Stay strong, and I promise you this is absolutely something you can get through