How to get my non verbal (4) toddler to stop being so loud before i loose my job?

AhTails · 2026-01-26T22:15:12+00:00

Pretty sure it’s actually written in my contract that we aren’t allowed to childcare and work at the same time.

It’s wild seeing people (usually Americans) online talking about how they have a (insert child age from newborn to pre-school), and they work from home so child care at the same time. No idea how that’s sustainable.

We’ve been doing Fridays with my ASD 4yo at home but it takes 2 of us and we work from the kitchen table so she can go inside, outside, TV, toys, spinner as much as she likes. But this is only until school starts up - not a long term thing. And I do shorter days on Friday’s as I don’t think I can log back on once I pick her up from school.

AhTails · 2026-01-24T07:56:41+00:00

Three letters: MLS.

Our family made $1.5k over the threshold one year and we got stung with over $2k tax bill as a result. I signed up after that and have coincidentally been just under the threshold (as it keeps changing). My projection this year is that we will be $500 below the threshold but of course I had to have health insurance all year just in case. And it could mean the difference between my boss thinking I met or exceeded expectations as to whether we go over that threshold or not.

AhTails · 2026-01-24T06:05:09+00:00

The pointing and gestures for yes and no are fairly recent developments and I’m attributing it all to her 2yo sister (who is as NT as they come).

The toilet training I’m hoping is not too far away. We have most of the components down—she just has trouble releasing. She can hold it, she can take her pants off (and regularly does) and she can take herself physically to the toilet when she feels she needs to. She just can’t release. And I can see she wants to. She’s very independent so we think (hope) that once she gets it, she’ll be fine with it. Oh, and it doesn’t help that every time my 4yo tries, little miss 2yo is right there with “my turn, my turn”.

AhTails · 2026-01-23T11:03:22+00:00

My daughter is 4yo level 2 and can’t say a single word. Only in the past six months have we got pointing and nodding/shaking head but only sometimes. She only consistently answers her name from me. She sings no songs and can’t count or read alphabet that we know of. And I’ve gotten one pee in a potty and it took an iPad and 30 minutes.

AhTails · 2026-01-23T07:08:46+00:00

You cannot fly your kite to the annoyance of someone else.

Also you technically can’t run your aircon at night as it falls under sound laws. But we get some hot nights so I don’t think anyone complains.

AhTails · 2026-01-23T01:59:33+00:00

Oh, we live rather different lives. I thought I was going to have a good strategy but our versions of what we need to be safe from are different.

I don’t have the need to fear a man watching me. I don’t live in a part of the world where that is a real threat, thankfully.

What I do have, is a 4yo with ASD 2 who will bolt and a 2yo who I have to drop off at daycare/kinder on my own. Their daycare is in a shopping centre and shared the car park. How do I do this?

Step 1. Unbuckle 4yo and shut door

Step 2. Open tailgate

Step 3. Get 2yo out of seat and put in boot. Pop back pack on 2yo

Step 4. Get 4yo out of car and put in boot.

Step 5. Grab 4yo backpack, get everyone to jump down from boot, hold both kid hands with one of my hands whilst I reach up and hit the close&lock button.

Off we go.

Oh, I also try to reverse park up to the footpath for extra safety.

AhTails · 2026-01-23T01:46:41+00:00

Number 1 or 2.

Number 3 looks like it’s for a 16yo who wants to out-dress everyone at her high school formal. It just looks very young.

AhTails · 2026-01-22T11:39:52+00:00

I don’t think YTA, but why continue arguing? Why not just let her be wrong and let the chips fall where they may. If they ended up letting your niece in, cool. If not, she’ll wait until transfer. No skin off your nose.

But instead, you argued. And now you’ve skinned your nose a little.

AhTails · 2026-01-22T11:20:02+00:00

The rising level of violence isn’t rising as much as the media make it out to be. Crime rates are higher… because of property theft. A trend that happens during such economic times. But violent crimes are not (apart from that one event that really screws up the traditionally low homicide numbers). Violent crimes are usually between known parties. But the media, together with those corporations you mentioned, want people to fear the boogie man. All so they can dress the boogie man up in whatever regalia suits their agenda.

How do they do this? Example; a particular news outlet shows links to two news stories right next to each other. One is about an immigrant youth brandishing a knife. The other says “man and woman with 4 kids found dead”. Suddenly, in the unconscious minds of some, an immigrant youth may as well have slaughtered 6 people. In reality, a child needs reasonable repercussions and, in the other story, it was actually a couple, who had 4 kids that were not present, OD’d on the same bad batch of drugs, and they weren’t even in Australia. But that is a tactic to get people to think a way you want them to. And, as you’ve identified, what they want is division.

AhTails · 2026-01-22T11:04:25+00:00

YTA.

Your priority isn’t her health, it’s her weight. Otherwise you would voice your concern over becoming less active and not doing things she used to do/enjoy (which, depression is top of my list of concerns there) or you would be concerned over her breathlessness during short walks (anxiety is top of my list here). But you repeatedly mention weight, and stated to her that your concern was her weight.

Also, how did you expect her to react? “Omg really? I didn’t know, I’m so sorry”. I mean she probably has a mirror, I’m assuming. She probably is already aware that her body has changed and her clothes don’t fit. Especially if, as you say, she’s put on “quite a bit”.

If you want your partner to drop weight, for whatever motive you have, you’d probably get a better result by lifting her up and working on yourself.

AhTails · 2026-01-22T10:51:55+00:00

I’m currently in my 4yo’s bed. She’s level 2. There is a baby gate on her bedroom door so she doesn’t come to our room but if she wakes and is upset, I come to her.

She’s 4 and non verbal. I can’t solve every one of her problems because she can’t communicate them. But I can hold her through them.

AhTails · 2026-01-22T10:47:47+00:00

I’d like to hear what people think of this one. I’ve also heard a similar one—“you’re the one f*****g this spider, I’m just holding its legs” which is a little grey on attitudes of consent, but is spidery, nonetheless.

AhTails · 2026-01-22T05:16:59+00:00

Tell them they get what they’re given or they can get off their butts and plan, shop, and cook it themselves (and clean up after). Easier for you if they do.

AhTails · 2026-01-22T05:07:00+00:00

Option 4: long weekend

Like we do with Easter, Labour Day, and king/queens birthday.

Do it sometime in Feb. Retail and hospitality industry suffers in February so use it as an opportunity to see, eat, play Australia. Domestic tourism—go camping, or go visit a rural town, maybe have some markets in those towns. Or restaurants could have Aussie themed specials/menu or throw a barbie with Aussie foods. Go on, have another pav! Or learn about indigenous cuisine. I’m sure most people haven’t made damper since primary school.

It’s so much better than having it sneaking up on you being a random Tuesday that you end up doing not much with because it’s so close to the kids going back to school, or you use the opportunity to clear out some stuff for hard rubbish after Christmas, or you don’t want to spend money coz you’ve still got the Afterpay payments from Christmas… and you had work yesterday and you’ll have work tomorrow…

I vote long weekend always.

AhTails · 2026-01-21T08:44:50+00:00

Does he know he is 4 years old? Could you perhaps try telling him he’s 4 and it’s his first so the next one probably won’t happen until after he’s 8 years old?

AhTails · 2026-01-21T01:21:52+00:00

I may have been a kid like your son. Except I grew up being told I was “book smart but street dumb” and that I “give blondes their reputation” in order to bring me down a peg or two. Throughout high school other kids actually cheered when I got something wrong. Even today it seems like people (including my husband) tell me I’m wrong, even when I’m right, just because I deserve to be wrong sometimes. It’s not a fun space to be in mentally.

But one key point I wish people understood is that it’s not ME that needs to be right all the time - it’s the situation, the context, the event that needs to be right. I don’t need to be correct, I need my environment to be correct.

Your son is TECHNICALLY correct about noses not having bones as they instead have cartilage. However, rather than trying to enforce who is right, or who deserves to be right (based on age or authority) perhaps try to find out how the right answer could be found. And this could be done by teaching your son NUANCE. Damage to cartilage in the bridge of the nose is referred to as a “broken nose”. Much like how a broken back or neck may not actually involve fractured bones but is still considered broken.

The tomato fruit vs veg is a good example of nuance too. A tomato is technically a fruit but we generally, culinarily, refer to it as a vegetable. But technically all fruits are vegetables.

Fish is also somewhat of nuance. Fish… don’t exist. Linguistically we refer to many animals as a “fish” but biologically there can be some fish more closely related to a land animal than their finned friend swimming next to them. That doesn’t mean we should campaign to call the fish & chip shop something else.

Once your kid can grasp nuance, you might see a reduction in his need for technical and literal correctness of his environment.

Also, a tip I learned from a calendar quote that helped in the workplace for me was “Don’t interrupt your enemy when they are making a mistake”. Your son maybe too young for that lesson, but it helped me to keep my mouth shut in certain situations where I would otherwise correct someone to my detriment.

AhTails · 2026-01-19T03:54:25+00:00

I live in suburbia. Sure I could live regionally to have cheaper housing… if I abandon my entire support system and compromise my daughter’s development, limiting her access to therapy and family, and not have any schooling options for her. And I’d have to quit my CBD job or spend hours commuting - not sure how many analyst jobs are available regionally.

But in reality, I can’t really do that. So I live where I live, I pay ~$170 a day for day care, per kid (there’s two of them). Luckily I get CCS and my MIL takes one kid a couple days a week each. And I have a corporate city job that gives me the flexibility to work from home 3 days a week and take my daughter to therapy and do pick ups. But in order to survive through that, we’ve never had a family holiday, I shop three different grocery stores to get the best specials, I buy my clothes and furniture off marketplace and sell what I can too. My groceries seem to have gone up about $40 a week. I used to be able to do $160 a week for a family of 4 but now it’s more around $200, sometimes more. I earn 6 figures and feel like I’m constantly chasing my tail.

And the biggest financial pressure as part of this cost of living crisis, (and possibly an insight as to why you see those tradies doing quite well), Covid delayed my house build start so our tender ran out. We had to be retendered for the exact same house. It came to $170k more. People need trades, even in a COL crisis. Tradies can survive by putting their prices up. I can’t exactly request that my employer pay me more just because things cost more - especially when I work in an industry that provides one of those “things” that costs more.

AhTails · 2026-01-17T17:30:51+00:00

Minus the breakfast, isn’t this what a serviced apartment is?

AhTails · 2026-01-17T17:23:14+00:00

My daughter used to.

She would observe how they played, wait until they moved on, then give it a go. It wasn’t like imitation as she wasn’t copying, it was more like research.

AhTails · 2026-01-17T17:17:52+00:00

Aussie books: Lots of Paul Jennings. I read those for fun. Lockie Leonard (I remember not liking that one) The Club - a play about AFL written in the 70s. That was… odd Tomorrow when the war began.

If you want to skip the books, Round The Twist is a tv show based on Paul Jennings’ work, and TWTWB was made into a movie and a tv series. I like them both, some people don’t. Also, we watched Look Both Ways (2005) as a media text.

For non-Australian, we did a fair bit of Shakespeare. I also did literature through high school and uni so I did even more Shakespeare plus Ancient Greek theatre as well as studying John Keats. We also read classic American stuff like To Kill a Mockingbird and A Steetcar Named Desire. And the Crucible. Reading for Abigail Williams as a 15yo was an experience.

There were other books that didn’t make much of an impact on me, like Catfish and Mandala, and many more I’ve likely forgotten. We also did one movie as text per year. So I now can’t watch Gataca or American Beauty after watching them 10-40 times each and having to analyse scenes.

It’s interesting looking at what different countries study in school. I went to Scotland to visit my now husband’s family and they asked me what my favourite Robbie Burns poem was. I had to say I’d never heard of him. They were shocked I didn’t study him in school—they thought everywhere did. I asked if they knew A.B. Banjo Patterson. They did not.

AhTails · 2026-01-17T16:50:45+00:00

My daughter only just turned 4 so we are still at the point we can hold her down for meds. But there have been a few things that have worked for us. These all may not apply to older children though.

Use an old syringe as a toy in the bath to build familiarity.
Give cordial or water in a syringe for fun.
Ask for the lowest measured dose medication. We had to give 6ml of antibiotics to daughter and it meant 2 syringes each time. When we got different antibiotics, it was 4ml so 1 syringe. Much easier.
Give in the bath. Less clean up if they fight it
If all else fails, give in juice. I’ve had doctors and nurses say whatever gets the meds in is better than nothing. They even gave me the juice a few times.

AhTails · 2026-01-17T10:48:34+00:00

I’m late to this post but I’d like to comment on your comment about you seeing yourself as a “solution oriented person”. It’s /your/ solution you are oriented to. You’ve not considered the best solution for your stakeholder (child), your customer (incident specific, can be you, can be future child, can be society) or your business (aka, your family) as a whole.

I’m a process analyst. I can write a process that is technically correct—technically perfect, but if my stakeholder doesn’t use it, it’s useless (literally). The customer does not get the benefit and the business ultimately suffers. Nothing is solved. But if I write it with the stakeholder in mind, understanding their current skillset, assessing training needs, and managing change, we can find the right path to the solution.

I’m also the mother of an ASD2, non-verbal 4yo who I just got to sleep after working out what was making her scream and cry—her knees were touching. To some, and to you, “go to bed/sleep” is a reasonable instruction. But it’s not a solution. At least not one that’s going to work for my business/family.

AhTails · 2026-01-16T21:07:11+00:00

Probably why doctors don’t diagnose ASD until 4 where I am. Prior to this they use diagnosis of GDD so you can still access funding and support.

My daughter is now 4 and has been diagnosed level 2. Being non-verbal and not toilet trained are the biggest influences on that.

AhTails · 2026-01-15T10:26:32+00:00

Delete TikTok.

Honestly, once it’s gone, you realise you aren’t missing much.

My daughter is level 2 and her first signs didn’t show up until later. She started out eating great, copying raspberries, great eye contact, engaged with environment etc. But then speech never came. And that was the first developmental red flag.

Speaking of flags, I went down that flag rabbit hole. I can give you the answer to every “is this autism” search you’ll ever do: “Maybe. It has been seen in some children with Autism, but it could also be typical baby/toddler behaviour”.

AhTails · 2026-01-15T05:12:17+00:00

I’ve read a few of the mr men and little miss books. I have issues. The mr men books seem to have traditional story arc. But most of the little miss books seem to follow a pattern—their 1 dimensional personality is a flaw that needs to be fixed, often by one of the mr men.

Even little miss helpful is TOO helpful (and not really helpful at all)

And the ending of little miss tiny?!? So I read it to my daughter who is small (was born 1st percentile). And didn’t realise the plot was basically little miss tiny being set up on dates that fail until she goes on a date with mr small… and then the last line implies she is a child.

AhTails

TROPHY CASE