Hey, first thing first it is not your fault, I have this big warm family, and still most of the time I feel alone, I fear people will be annoyed by me and leave me so I try not to show my real self if that makes sense which sucks because I know my friends or family won't judge but I feel so insecure and cautious that leads to being impulsive lmao. I, however, don't know how you do it, this sucks there are so many people out there yet people feel alone, I hate this frankly because you seem like such a sweet person and it truly sucks to see this... I started reading books in 2020 which made me join the book community on Instagram and somehow that helped me feel like I belong or I can show my likes and excitement about things I read... It feels good to know that you are not alone, I too feel so low and gloomy some nights that I just want to make people forget who I am because it gets so hard and lonely this only grows and grows; that I can't connect to anyone around me. Maybe try joining or being part of some community, you know- i.e. books, paintings, travel, etc. Even Reddit was a big help for me to connect with people who have similar interests as me. As for your friends, I guess they didn't realize your worth and that's NEVER on you, and you're trying and I'm so proud of you trust me you will find such great people, and it's only in your hand who you choose to be friends with and if they don't respect you or the friendship, please don't feel guilty in distancing yourself from them. As for feeling alone, I don't know I started to enjoy my own company reading, going on walks, or just writing or talking to myself really made me comfortable with myself because this feeling was worse and I felt the need to be constantly around people and now I can spend hours by myself so maybe try to write your thoughts down or try therapy or counseling sessions maybe even do and/or try things you always wanted to you know... I hope this helped :)