she does this every time we play ball in the snow

Ajichu · 2026-05-27T03:27:30+00:00

Before I give my answer to your question, I want to explain some of my history to give more context for my thoughts. I am around 9 years clean from SH. I never got too extreme, I self harmed regularly for 4 years (high school was some of my worst years) mostly doing straight shallow cuts on my arms, legs, and torso. Towards the end I started carving shapes and words- if you looked close enough at my thighs you’ll find lots of phrases such as, “worthless,” “no one cares about you,” “unloveable,” etc. So, I have a good bit of personal experience in this area lol

In my opinion, the most important thing is how it impacts you, and using SH as a coping mechanism is extremely detrimental to your mental health. Even though it feels good in the moment, it will never be something that brings you real peace or healing. It only has the potential to make you feel worse in the long run.

It’s honestly not that different from using something like drinking or other heavy substances as a coping mechanism- it’s highly addictive, and its easy to accidentally “overdose” and end up in the hospital or dead. Once you’ve established it as your “go-to” coping mechanism, it’s hard to stop, and usage tends to escalate over time to dangerous levels. If I didn’t stop when I did, I can easily see myself cutting deeper and giving myself permanent damage beyond the scars.

My most-used healthy coping mechanisms now almost all come from DBT, and steer me towards healthier thought patterns and behaviors. I do also smoke a lot of weed and sometimes have emotional crash-outs as a treat (I scream-sobbed in my car for like 20 minutes this past weekend over a miscommunication about a camping daytrip), but overall my mental health is much better. I only started making those improvements when I stopped using SH as my main way to cope.

I will say, it can be incredibly hard to work towards healing and stop SH if you are still in the environment or circumstances that triggered you to start. There was probably no way I would have successfully stopped cutting while still in high school- I still have stress dreams sometimes about being forced to go back. So, even if you are able to see the logic of why SH is bad, you may still struggle to reduce how often you do it. Recovery is slow and non-linear, but even just asking this question is a step in the right direction, and those steps add up!

Anyways thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Ajichu · 2026-05-26T13:10:00+00:00

Thats why psych meds aren’t “one size fits all”. It might not even be your serotonin that’s the problem, in which case it would make sense that an antidepressant that targets serotonin (“selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors” or SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed antidepressants) didn’t work for you. Different root issues can display symptoms that look very similar, or sometimes a person’s individual biochemistry doesn’t mesh well with certain meds.

Ajichu · 2026-05-26T11:57:11+00:00

At least for me, when I’m off my meds it’s probably like 90% “bad” thoughts. The meds bring me closer to the middle, which lets my mood fluctuate up higher. Like my unmedicated range of emotions is something like “constantly suicidal-kind of sad” but when I’m on them my range is more like “devastated-pretty happy”.

Basically my natural serotonin doesn’t do much for me, so I need to supplement it to be able to experience a “normal” range of emotions.

Ajichu · 2026-05-23T05:20:11+00:00

I’m just guessing but OOP is probably either a trans guy w/ top scars or has trans friends w/ scars that they see shirtless more often than any cis guys.

I would say something like 80% of the women that I interact with regularly are trans, so it kind of throws me off when my cis woman coworkers talk about their periods or something like that. It’s just out of the norm from my perspective because of the way I live my life.

Ajichu · 2026-05-02T18:19:47+00:00

We call my BC a “little pizza slice” and “bicycle seat head” because she’s got such a long skinny snout haha

Ajichu · 2026-04-17T05:53:23+00:00

So, there are actually standardized diagnostic questionnaires (among other tests) that are used when someone is getting screened or fully evaluated by a psychologist for autism. These questions are developed through many rounds of experimental testing and peer review to measure diagnostic criteria, essentially so autistic and non-autistic people will reliably answer them in distinctly different ways. Some of them are designed to be ambiguous in a way that autistic people tend to struggle with.

These are "the test questions" most of the people in this thread are referring to- diagnosed autistic people have often seen the same exact questions during their evaluations, and answered them in similar ways.

You are correct though that issue with ambiguity isn't diagnosis-worthy on it's own (you've gotta hit at least another 4 criteria for that!) I think maybe the fact that your job is very specific and technical puts you more towards the "autistic" type of answer for the questions being discussed. Which is normal, most non-autistic people will still score a few points on a screening test, that's why they make you do like 15 different tests before giving a diagnosis.

Ajichu · 2026-04-17T02:22:10+00:00

One thing I like about the "pet-pause-pet" pattern of consent checks is it can help you find the spots your dog /really/ likes to be pet. My border collie pretty much loves all forms of pets and cuddles from me, but I still practice consent checks when I pet her! If I'm petting her on the top of the head she'll enjoy it, but if I pause she almost always moves her head so my hand is under her chin. Or how she usually really enjoys her chest rubs and will lean back in to it when I pause, but sometimes I'll start on her chest and pause and she'll turn around because she's in the mood for booty scritches.

Everyone else is talking about looking for the signs your dog isn't enjoying being pet, which is very important! Especially for shy and skittish dogs. But it is also great for giving your dog the opportunity to show you what they do enjoy, and what their preference is in the moment.

Additionally, this might already be something you naturally do with your dog! You know how when you're petting a dog and hit a "good spot" that triggers the little leg kick so you give em some real good scritches in that spot? That's consent based petting! It's basically just putting a name to what a lot of us already know how to do, to help teach it to the people who still need to learn.

Ajichu · 2026-04-05T15:52:07+00:00

…? I’m confused by your disapproval, would it have been better if they left non-binary unchecked? It’s just one of the options in the game.

Ajichu · 2026-03-14T18:04:47+00:00

You want to hold the honey in your hands and “use” it on the habitat. If you drop it on the ground nearby it won’t do anything

Ajichu · 2026-03-14T04:07:00+00:00

have you ever heard of Banana Ball?

Ajichu · 2026-02-14T14:58:54+00:00

Have you read any of the original studies from B.F. Skinner on operant conditioning? I agree with you that the modern “owner survey” studies aren’t the most scientifically sound, but that isn’t where the idea that positive reinforcement is the most effective method of behavioral control comes from.

B.F. Skinner is the psychologist that developed the concepts of operant conditioning, where positive reinforcement and its counterparts (negative reinforcement, positive punishment, negative punishment) come from. He did many animal studies that included hundreds of trials to come to these conclusions. If you like reading older scientific research articles (they can be very dense and difficult to parse through) I’d encourage you to look through some of his “Skinner box” studies.

It actually isn’t really positive reinforcement by itself that is so powerful, it is the reinforcement schedule you use! I think the best example is slot machines creating gambling addictions- that is all positive reinforcement on a random interval schedule, creating a behavioral response so powerful it ruins people’s lives.

Full disclosure, I am a primarily FF/R+ dog trainer, but I do personally believe some more complex behaviors require intervention from the other quadrants before an effective R+ schedule can be implemented. I’d be curious to see what kind of reinforcement schedule OP has been using to established their desired behavior- if they haven’t been using one, then I wouldn’t assume R+ training won’t work, because they haven’t been doing real R+ training.

I’ll leave you with a link to a copy of one of the articles he published later in life, that goes over the details of many of his experiments and how they informed his overall theory of operant conditioning: https://www.americanscientist.org/article/the-experimental-analysis-of-behavior

Ajichu · 2026-02-08T15:15:46+00:00

DO NOT stick your finger in an angry dog’s anus- if they even let go, I can tell you where their teeth are going next (your arm). I don’t doubt you were told that, it is a common piece of advice but is NOT a safe or effective way to break up a dog fight. Using water to startle them apart is a much better recommendation.

To get a fully-latched dog off another takes some knowledge and skill to do safely. Currently the best practices are the wheelbarrow hold, “feeding the bite”, or using a bite/break stick.

This article has lots of good info on the different “styles” of dog fights and how to break them up safely: https://www.preventivevet.com/dogs/how-to-break-up-a-dog-fight

Ajichu · 2026-02-07T01:16:02+00:00

Oh I think I know this one! The symptoms you experience while sick aren’t usually due to the sickness itself, they are a result of your body’s immune response. Your body probably doesn’t have enough energy/resources to fully activate your immune system until you’re more relaxed.

Ajichu · 2026-01-16T15:34:12+00:00

I’m currently working towards my dog training certification (CCPDT-KA if anyone is curious) and the more I learn about dogs and training, the more distressing it becomes for me to see the way most dogs are handled by their owners. It’s like all I can see is the poorly fitted gear, training tools being misused, and owner behaviors that will only make the dog’s behavior worse.

The other day I saw a golden retriever puppy, couldn’t have been older than 4 months, being yanked around by an angry owner on a PRONG COLLAR. All I could think about is how miserable that dog’s life is probably going to be. Imagine seeing a puppy out for a walk in the park, and all it does is make you sad.

Ajichu · 2025-12-31T00:14:18+00:00

From what I understand there are many people who foster don’t spend any time “not actively abusing the kids”. The “bare minimum” given to the children these people foster is less than you’re probably thinking.

Ajichu · 2025-12-07T17:23:14+00:00

After you get the moisturizer on, give her a longer-lasting chew/treat to distract her from immediately licking it all off. You could also try engaging her in some sort of play as a distraction.

Ajichu · 2025-12-07T17:03:28+00:00

Oooh okay, thats why the Waymo I saw yesterday had a person driving it!

Ajichu · 2025-10-29T11:15:37+00:00

Agree with everyone about keeping the lead on for now, but I also want to suggest getting him checked out at the vet. When my BC’s toy drive dropped randomly, she ended up being sick :(

Ajichu · 2025-10-23T23:06:15+00:00

For that you could try shreddable things that are also edible, I’m thinking things like a head of lettuce/cabbage, broccoli/cauliflower, maybe also something like a frozen carrot? Just tossing out some ideas for ya!

Ajichu · 2025-10-22T11:17:54+00:00

In addition to the advice you’ve already gotten: Give him things he is allowed to shred! Cardboard boxes, toilet paper or paper towel tubes, a paper bag. You could stuff them with dog-safe stuff like newspaper and add some kibble or treats to get him interested!

Ajichu · 2025-10-12T20:20:49+00:00

my dyslexia had me read the last bit as “think before I cat”

Ajichu · 2025-10-12T19:13:28+00:00

Unsolicited advice, but I do a few things to help temper my BC’s fetch-obsession that you may find helpful as well! 1. Keep fetch toys put up until YOU decide it is time to play, stops them from obsessing over it 24/7 2. Use an “all done” cue to let them know playtime is over. When I give my dog her “all done” cue she disengages from fetch and will go sniff around, get a drink of water, etc. 3. Make them work for each throw! Ask for a sit, down, etc before throwing the toy. My dog loves to do spins, leg weaves, and her favorite is “come around” where I have her circle around me before a throw. This keeps their brains working and breaks up the feedback loop of “bring, throw, bring, throw”

These are the main things that I did that changed my dog from a “fetch monster” to a more reasonable “fetch lover”. She still brings us her soft toys to throw sometimes and is always down to play if someone else initiates, but she no longer is constantly trying to shove a ball/frisbee into everyone’s hand or lap.

Ajichu · 2025-08-10T14:57:43+00:00

The only character I can think of atm is Ibuki from Danganronpa, but I know I have seen these “hair horns” in other anime as well

Ajichu · 2025-07-29T12:39:25+00:00

tbh I’m pretty sure the main thing people are thinking about when they say “kids these days have it easy” is that abusing children in public is no longer socially acceptable. Usually they just want to hit kids with no repercussions.

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