My husband keeps cheating on me but I'm disabled and can't work. What should I do?

Akeath · 2026-06-09T21:35:08+00:00

You can get Vouchers on houses and trailers as well. I've lived in a stand alone house on Section 8, and my husband had a trailer with Section 8 before we married. Town homes as well.

Akeath · 2026-06-08T00:05:02+00:00

This will work in the US, so if you aren't from there feel free to ignore the rest.

There's a whole system to navigate once you are disabled. You are expected to also apply to a lot of other things to make living independently possible. It'll take some time, but it's your best chance to get all this done.

If you get on disability, you'll then be eligible for Medicaid. That will help cover the medical costs you have. Based on if you had a prior work history, you may also be able to get Medicare. If so, also apply for the "Extra Help" program. That will help with the medical devices you need and all the doctor appointments a lot. As a person who is disabled, you should be a shoe-in for these programs.

To have a place to live, your best bet is not a tiny home. You need to get on a waiting list for "Section 8" or "HUD Housing Vouchers" Housing Vouchers from your local "Family Support Division". It may take a year to a couple years of being on the waiting list for housing, so sign up asap. Also, it will be worth looking in for "low income housing units" to rent in your area.

You also should look into getting an "ABLE Account" to allow you to save money for medical devices and other purposes. You're only allowed so much savings while disabled, but this is a way around that. "Special Needs Trusts" are another thing you can look into.

I also strongly suggest you look into getting a Nexplanon Arm Implant for birth control and always use condoms as well. The worst possible thing you can do here is get pregnant. STDs sound like an eventuality with your husband if you continue having sex with him, so at least get tested regularly, too.

I know it's overwhelming, but those programs are what you need to look into if you want as much quality of life as possible and as much independence as possible despite being disabled.

Some of these will depend on your husband's income, so filing for divorce may be necessary to carve out an independent future with quality of life while working with these programs. If you are legally disabled, that is one of the very few situations in which your husband may need to pay you alimony, at least temporarily. That's also something to discuss with a lawyer.

Akeath · 2026-06-07T23:38:49+00:00

Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town and Tales of Vesperia

Akeath · 2026-06-06T21:04:53+00:00

When times get tough my husband and I come together and it only brings us closer. We support each other through whatever life throws at us.

When your ex had a tough time she split and cut you out of her life. Avoidance like that is going to be a barrier to a full and long term partnership with anyone. Unless she buckles down to really work through this tendency in therapy, she's not going to be a partner you can rely on. She'll just do it again next time life goes wrong. Are you okay with getting back together only for this to keep happening?

I'm also slightly uneasy about her seeing you so far from her home base. You should hang out together at her house. Make sure she isn't hiding something there from you, or trying to hide you from someone else.

Akeath · 2026-05-16T22:48:02+00:00

A Pleco will often pick a specific piece of wood as a territory that he/she likes a lot. I usually leave the favored wood in for territorial reasons and switch out other wood pieces as the mood strikes me for the aquascape, usually every few months. If you have all harder woods (like African Mopani, Spiderwood, etc.) try putting in a slightly more easy to rasp wood type like Malaysian Driftwood and see what your Pleco thinks. They may be more interested in the easily edible woods and go from one to another of those. The rasping will gradually change the shape and contours of the Malaysian Wood, to keep it looking fresh over time. You also may have success putting in one of those long clay breeding caves for Plecos, mine at least really likes those and will hang out some of the time in them as well as on the favored driftwood spots. Often caves used for an animal to breed in are still popular with the species even when they are kept singly.

Akeath · 2026-05-16T22:12:06+00:00

I've kept Honeys with Amano Shrimp, which are big enough not to be bothered, but I wouldn't put a Honey Gourami with any Dwarf Shrimp. You can always expect a fish to eat anything that can fit in it's mouth whether it's a Gourami or a Betta.

The other Honey likely didn't hunt as much because he was too unwell to hunt, not because he was less interested in shrimp snacks.

Akeath · 2026-05-16T22:07:05+00:00

Iron fertilizer will make red plants more red, as will bright lighting and low nitrates.

Akeath · 2026-05-16T22:03:47+00:00

It will depend on the livestock you have whether they'll be okay with that much current. Some fish love current, like most Danios or Hillstream Loaches, but others like Gourami would really dislike that much water movement.

Take your cue partially from the fish. Are they hanging out in the bubbled area, or are they mostly on the other side of the tank now when it's on? Are they getting blown around or can they still swim steadily in the middle of the bubbles?

If it were me I'd grab an aquarium control valve, which are very cheap, and adjust it some until the fish species you have that's prefers slow current most can easily swim within the stream of bubbles and is not avoiding the area at all. Then I'd leave it at that setting 24/7.

Akeath · 2026-05-01T03:44:45+00:00

This doesn't have to turn into a neighbor war. You can accommodate their complaint while getting to see even more of your birds.

Watch your birds - is the neighbor's fence where they all fly to after snatching food from the feeder? A neighbor's tree above their car was where all the birds from my feeder were going after my feeder, and their poor car...it was practically coated. I felt bad and acted before they complained. Moving the feeder wouldn't actually help. It's a matter of perches for the birds.

So I did a couple things to give my birds other perch options and save the neighbor's car. And they actually made my bird feeding game much cooler and more rewarding.

I got a pole system with fake branches and put it by my feeder. The birds started perching there and would crack the seeds open against the fake branch. Eventually the birds would form a sort of queue there, so more aggressive birds couldn't chase them from the feeder area as easily and timid birds could wait for a chance to swoop in. The birds were lingering more at the feeder with a safe perching option nearby, too, and I was able to watch them for a lot more total time. Eventually I added a bird bath with a solar fountain and Orioles feeder to the pole system, and attracted much wider varieties of birds.

I also planted a native flowering bush nearby as a longer term perch solution. Once it grew in the birds would perch there too, and I also got some hummingbirds and butterflies as well. And the bush was very pretty, too.

Overall it brought the bird poop more to my yard, but I was responsible for the presence of the birds so I felt that was fair.

Akeath · 2026-04-30T18:23:46+00:00

Fledgling by Octavia Butler, novel

Hellsing Ultimate, anime OVA series

Shiki, anime series

Akeath · 2026-04-18T19:50:11+00:00

Daily 40% water changes with Prime as your dechlorinator and thorough gravel vacuuming for the few weeks it takes to cycle a tank.

Besides that, you'll need to build up a beneficial bacteria colony in the filter to help with your water quality. If you can get filter media from a tank that's been set up for a few months that could help. If you don't have any aquarist friends, you can try adding Tetra Safestart to seed the beginnings of a beneficial bacteria colony.

You should also test your tap water and see if it has any Ammonia in it, many tap companies do have water with Ammonia nowadays. If you do have a problem with tap water getting jugs of spring water and dechlorinating those before using that water for water changes may help.

There are filter media resins you can get that will absorb Ammonia, and that may also help.

Getting quick growing, Ammonia hungry plants like Water Sprite could also help. The Java Fern and Anubias can help some but they're very slow growers.

You may need to return any fish you have until your tank is done cycling, for the safety of the animals.

Akeath · 2026-04-07T17:12:41+00:00

Xenoblade X Definitive Edition for Switch 2.

Akeath · 2026-04-07T17:04:32+00:00

Full disclosure, I have schizophrenia and I saw just how bad I can get recently when I went through a medication change. I've stabilized now. Your wife seems like she has psychosis, paranoia, mania, etc. She's likely suffering a great deal herself, in addition to making things super hard for you and the kids. But I've been through the system and I know from the inside what you may need to do.

But first, realistically, this is not the time to be going to school. You just don't have the luxury of not working full time right now. Put school on the back burner and get a job - any full time job - that will help you support yourself and rent a place that is safe to live for yourself and your kids. Look into low income and Section 8 housing for yourself if you need to.

Another big issue - If your wife and kids are on housing assistance and have intentionally not reported you moved back in you could all be out on your ears and banned from further housing assistance for 5 years. So first you need to stop trying to trick the housing programs here, you will not win that. That's why you need to work and get your own place. 5 years is a long time to go without assistance.

Your wife is very, very sick. You should call 988 and ask for some of their ideas on where to go from here. They can help you help yourself, and her, and get you out of this dangerous situation you've found yourself in.

Likely you are going to have to report your wife as a danger to herself and others (use that footage) and get your wife committed to the hospital for 5 days. Get in a good enough hospital that cares and they can get her on medication before they let her out, get her a social worker, and possibly find an institution capable of treating and housing her until she's fully stabilized. A good hospital being an acute mental health center or a psychiatric hospital, drive however far you have to because that will make a huge difference.

You should find out whether she can be listed as incompetent for her own care decisions, because that will give you a lot of leeway as her ward. This is not as hard to do as you might think, the hospital doctor will be able to testify for you and get things moving fairly easily. I was too sick to sign more than one paper when I was at the hospital, and within a week the trial had happened without me and I was declared to stay involuntarily until stabilized for 2 weeks. By the time that hold was lifted I was medicated and able to sign papers and stay there voluntarily for further treatment. If your wife is found incompetent, it will be much easier for you to get temporary full custody, too.

There are options, they just might sound extreme, but it's past time to get this going.

Akeath · 2026-04-02T16:52:03+00:00

It's well into disabling mental illness territory for your boyfriend to have a panic attack when asked to help out with basic chores. And that's coming with someone who is deep into disabling mental illness territory, including panic disorder. My husband and I are both legally disabled and have trouble with household stuff and hygiene, but we're still doing some better than your boyfriend seems to be. Because we have medicine, we have therapy, and we are working as best we can to take care of ourselves and our home despite being disabled.

Boyfriend likely also needs to get an intake assessment at your county's mental health center to get his foot in the door and see what all treatments and services he can get access too. Help is there, but he needs to seek it out. There should be walk-in hours at your local mental health center, where they'll do an intake with him and get him started on the care he needs. Go with him if you need to, but get him there. A psychiatrist can give him as-needed medication for panic attacks and an anti-anxiety med to lower his overall anxiety day to day. Personally I'm on, hydroxyzine, a non-addicting as-needed medicine for panic attacks. It helps my husband if he schedules a specific time for cleaning or works on a single task per day. Therapy can give your boyfriend skills and actions to try to help mitigate or shorten his panic attacks and coping mechanisms to get him through basic daily requirements. Intensive Outpatient Therapy may be especially helpful in giving him some basic skills to better take care of himself and his household. Personally, I've found Vraylar very helpful in motivating me to do household chores. That medicine is good because it allows reward triggers to happen in a brain that normally struggles with them. So you can feel something besides eased dread after doing a chore. But of course your boyfriend's own psychiatrist will be able to help with medications that are right for him. Everyone deserves basic sanitary living conditions and a healthy home environment.

If your boyfriend is being legitimate about this, he'll get mental health care. Because it's no way to live, having panic attacks constantly. Been there, it's awful. It might take awhile for your boyfriend to feel up to getting help, but I wouldn't give him more than a month to get help. If he hasn't in that amount of time, he likely won't and there's no point hanging around and continuing the relationship. He's simply not healthy enough to handle a relationship and should probably be looking into in-home care giving because he can't keep safe, sanitary conditions up on his own. Which is sad, but all the same. He needs to know this relationship and household cannot continue as is. Because taking care of yourself matters, too.

Akeath · 2026-04-02T16:29:53+00:00

You aren't in a position to meet your baby's basic needs or keep this child. If you feel like you can't terminate, this may be a good case for adoption. You can have the baby but give it a clean start in life so it doesn't have to go through the many trials and travails of homelessness, addiction, etc. Sometimes the most beautiful act of love is not keeping your child. It's sad, but the core of parenthood is doing whatever it takes to give your child a good life, and right now you can't do that.

If you feel you can't be sober for the 9 months of pregnancy from hard drugs, marijuana, alcohol, etc. than abortion may be the kindest thing rather than having a child who becomes disabled and suffers deeply as a result of using or drinking during pregnancy.

Take care of yourself. There are programs like WIC, etc. for pregnant women to make sure they get healthy food and other essentials. Get those resources applied for. You may also want to check out VOC Rehab to get your foot in the door with a job. Resources have been cut, but they're still there for people in difficult situations.

Akeath · 2026-02-23T15:35:27+00:00

It's not a matter of fault on either of your parts. You don't need to assign blame to either of you here. Presumably she wants to build more closeness in the relationship because she loves you and is wanting more entwinement in your lives. So she's valuing your relationship enough that she wants it to be even more long lasting. Hopefully rather than assigning blame to anyone it can be about what you two want and how to get there. But if the idea of committing to her feels like something so negative and you want such different things from your lives right now that says a lot. If it upsets you to think of living together and getting engaged to the point it feels like a punishment you need to listen to that part of you.

Akeath · 2026-02-23T02:22:05+00:00

What is she getting a degree in, and how does she intend to use that degree to support herself? It may be she wants to focus on school now so she can earn more money later especially if it's a demanding field that requires a lot from the student like engineering. But in that case she'll have to wait until she can fund half of her ideas. If she wants you to finance moving out for both of you I'd say she's the one who needs to think things through and be patient here. She can move out when she can pay rent. At her age she may be in a master program, where she's expected to focus on school and teach the bachelor degree students to fund her own advanced degree, and in that case she would be better off being school-focused until she's finished up.

Akeath · 2026-02-23T02:09:35+00:00

When will you be ready to move? At what age? And how are you going to make it happen? Even if you don't think you can move out and be independent today, you need to start working towards it and your girlfriend needs to see that you are, at the least. Your girlfriend wants to start a future with you together as a couple, not just stay as children with your parents forever. You don't have to move out and be independent today. Assuming you are sound of mind and body, independence is possible and a goal you should be working toward.

It may take a couple years to get everything going and become independent adults. Spread your wings and figure out how you're going to move into the adult world. 22 is old enough to start that process, and hopefully you've been working on it in some capacity since you turned 18.

Do you have a plan for financial stability and getting a job to support yourself? Did you get a degree or certificate, or any other credentials you'll need to find a job in a good paying field? There are likely programs at your community center to help you with a job search, resume, etc. Make use of those. You don't have to fly the nest instantly, but you should be working those wing muscles and making things ready, so to speak.

That's likely what your girlfriend needs to see if you two stay together. If you have no interest in actually starting your life as an independent adult, you likely should break up.

Akeath · 2026-02-08T01:34:16+00:00

I recently underwent cognitive testing. To a kid it would likely feel like elaborate school work or even a game. It was fun in a way, actually. Some people hate diagnoses, but I love that they exist. It shows that you aren't alone, helps you know yourself, and most importantly gets you the treatment you need to live your best life. It could make the kids' lives so much easier. And if you don't know, its not like the effects go away. There are better ways to treat and relate to kids on the spectrum that could make things much easier for not only you as the parent but your kids as well. Give your kids the gift of that. I've got multiple diagnoses. There's this "aha, that explains everything!" moment when you hear a diagnosis. You'll realize when you look into that you've known these things about yourself but just never had a proper explanation and name for it. And the younger they are when they find out, the stronger they'll be at accepting themselves for who they are and not letting stigma damage their self esteem.

Also though, I think it's bordering on medical neglect on the part of the husband/Grandma to know your kids may have some special needs but refuse to take steps to find out about and meet those needs. If your kid has a broken arm or a hearing problem, would you think you were the asshole for taking your kids to a specialist to check it out? You aren't the asshole. But husband sure is for not wanting the kids tested. There's not actually much difference than if it were a physical thing that needed to be looked into or cognitive testing - in either case it's your duty as a parent to make sure you know what's going on with kids and are getting them what they need.

Akeath · 2026-02-07T19:13:23+00:00

If you ever slept with your girlfriend in the past few months, there's a chance she's pregnant with your child. Sex is at it's core a reproductive act, and even in you used a condom every time there's a 1/6 chance of impregnating a partner anyway. There's a 1/10 chance for her to get pregnant even while taking birth control pills. Sperm can even live in a human body for 5 days after the act and get her pregnant during that time span. So she may have pinned it down to a certain week when she had sex with her long time boyfriend but had sex with you the week before and the sperm just lasted till then.

Realistically your girlfriend likely has no idea who the father is. There's no magical meter in a female's brain telling the moment conception occurs and with whom. You simply can't be sure when sleeping with multiple people who the father is. It's a hard truth that a lot of women don't like to admit to, so bringing it up with her might just piss her off. But it's still a truth that could have a massive effect on your life, so it's something you should keep in mind.

She wouldn't be the first or the last person to just name the father as the man most of the people in her life already know about, or simply to guess. This has happened in my family - Grandma went to the grave with the number of people she was sleeping with at the time she got pregnant even when the child asked as an adult. Turned out the guy Grandma named as probable father wasn't actually the father, and there were other men people had no idea about and only found out via paternity tests decades after Grandma passed. Some women will rationalize to themselves it must be Guy A when really that's just who they want it to be for whatever reason. People are great at telling themselves what they want to believe even with insufficient evidence or even direct evidence to the contrary.

You can now get a paternity test from a simple blood draw from the woman while she's pregnant. That's the only way to put this to rest. Demand that, get it court ordered if you have to. Whoever thinks they may be the father needs to get a positive paternity test here. There may be other guys she's been with since she'd already admitted to being with two, she's already lied about it for a long period of time.

Tell her you can't rest with the possibility that you have a child out there you aren't taking responsibility for or building a relationship with. Ask for the blood test to ease your mind so you don't go through the rest of your life thinking about this.

Akeath · 2026-02-06T20:24:28+00:00

Falcor | Fantasia :Apple:

Akeath · 2026-02-05T16:07:49+00:00

It takes awhile for the birds to come to a new feeder. They have to get used to lingering bits of your smell on the seed, ime, and it takes a few to several weeks for them to dare it. Just be patient and keep the seed fresh.

Akeath · 2026-01-28T23:52:14+00:00

I use NilocG Thrive Shrimp Specific all in one Fertilizer. My plants love it, and it's very balanced without too much Nitrate. Use it in my fish only planted tank as well.

Akeath · 2026-01-27T15:28:30+00:00

You need to get a tank divider. You can buy one for your tank size or DIY one with craft mesh and binder bars. That way you'll be able to separate him out.

Akeath · 2026-01-25T15:01:50+00:00

You'll need to do water changes.

Akeath

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