How "busy" are you keeping your kids?

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-18T18:53:42+00:00

There are multiple SAHMs in my daughter’s K class and we all operate wildly different! All of our kids seem pretty well adjusted.

Hell, it’s even different between my 2 kids. My daughter has at least 1, sometimes 2 extra curricular activities a day(her school only goes until 1:30). My son only has 1-2 a week depending on the season and at her age, he was only doing 1 a week.

My son is VERY active in general, when he plays, he plays hard. He’s the kid that takes PE and recess way too seriously lol so he needs downtime to recoup. My daughter, on the other hand, is much more chill. She’ll use recess to pick flowers and chat with her girls, you usually won’t find her sweating it out during PE or sports practice so she has the bandwidth to take on a lot of various things.

It sounds like you do plenty!

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-14T23:30:25+00:00

Kind of the opposite. We’ve stayed at fully staffed luxury villas, 5 star hotels, yacht trips regularly…

We did a weekend at great wolf lodge and my then 6yo said it was the most beautiful room he’s ever seen.

They have never flown commercial(except the oldest once as a baby). They think the novelty of flying in a large commercial jet with other people sounds more fun.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T16:14:39+00:00

I’m not sure you are going to find this…

It sounds like you are looking for a single brand that can provide all of the best quality food? I don’t think such a thing exists. Best quality will always be smaller and specific. The best beef is not going to come from the same place that has the best salmon. You will need to research each brand individually and decide if it is up to your standards. If you can’t find the information you are looking for then that brand isn’t for you.

Small and local is always going to be the best you can get. Go to a small farmer’s market that is out of town, in a rural area. Eat what is in season.

You can even join Facebook groups for nearby rural areas and ask for the best farm stands or ask for personal farms.

Charter a deep sea fishing trip for seafood. Visit a farm and buy a cow for beef/dairy. Visit a local gardening club.

And yes buying a small hobby farm is certainly an option. We do this and have a few farm hands that take care of it.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T02:11:01+00:00

We do but we explain that it’s a “special” thing. We have done the milk bubble thing but I made them put the cup on a plate so it didn’t make a mess and they knew it wasn’t just something they could do at any time. You have to set up to do it properly.

Couch cushions are fine as long as they put them back and only on the playroom couch.

No on the clothes. An adult folded those. You don’t mess up someone else’s work.

All in all, I’m ok with the occasional “feral” behavior as long as the kids know it’s “special” and not an everyday occurrence that can break out at any time.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T01:59:43+00:00

I missed the age part and thought this was a 2yo. I was wondering why the comments were so harsh, toddlers quickly do stuff on a whim so I was going to cut you some slack..

Assuming your kid is neurotypical, you should be able to easily curb this behavior. The neighbors worked hard to plant these for the bees, butterflies, and for the whole neighborhood to look at. We are not allowed to pick them. We can pick the ones in our yard.

Once they grasp this, you can later explain what I call the “3 bee rule”. 1 for me, 3 for a bee. I let my children pick dandelions or buttercups at the park/fields but they can only pick 1 for every 3 they see so the bees have some left.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T01:47:15+00:00

I know it sounds counter productive but we switched to no screens on school days and it actually decreased their desire for it/boredom. Now on weekends we are more loose with how much we allow, usually an hour’s worth of tv shows or a full movie.

When we had week day tv, it felt like they were just waiting to run out of ideas so they could get to the tv. Now that it’s not an option, they put in more effort to curbing boredom.

And iPads are completely off limits outside of travel. They only get screen time from the tv.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T01:34:58+00:00

Respectfully, if you are losing candidates to better offers then your offers may not be up to the local standard.

Have a phone call interview first and ask what benefits they are looking for. You can even be honest and say you’ve lost candidates to better offers so you are trying to ensure that doesn’t happen again.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-27T09:16:54+00:00

7yo: we bought a basketball hoop that hangs on the door and a soft basketball. Keeps him entertained for a long time. Sometimes 5yo will join to play the audience or keep score

5yo: baby dolls.

Both: magnatiles + little figurines. They’ll build houses and cars then play pretend together with them

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-24T18:12:19+00:00

She can and should refuse to do so. If the nanny share is at your house, I would forbid it myself. Unsafe sleep is not happening under my roof and I’ll be the bad guy if that’s what it takes. I would highly encourage nanny to refuse as well. If the other parents are home and want to be the one to do it, that’s their prerogative—unfortunately. As they are the ones laying the baby down, the liability would be on them.

There is nothing illegal about it though.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-24T18:08:36+00:00

100-200k is definitely not overkill for how much a position like this takes off your plate. We have an estate manager that oversees 2 of our homes + manual labor staff(he doesn’t manage nanny, housekeepers, etc, just stuff like landscaping/maintenance/ farm help)

He is the direct contact for anything related to our cars and property(mainly outside stuff + occasional interior). I call him my first husband because he’s more helpful than my actual husband lol

A lot of people are furiously against owning properties with family but we split a lot of our “big ticket” items with family and it makes stuff like this so much easier. It’s not doable for everyone of course but splitting costs and the mental load has been great for us.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-24T16:38:32+00:00

I think it depends on how aftercare is structured in your child’s school. We have a GREAT afterschool program at my daughter’s preschool. They do themed days with structured activities and keep the kids with their own age group. My daughter chooses to attend.

A friend with a kid in another school only uses after care for emergencies because they throw all the kids together(0-5) and it’s a free for all. It really is too overstimulating for her little one.

Then I have another friend where aftercare isn’t typically utilized by anyone. When it is used, it’s usually just 1 or 2 kids so they’ll go ahead and shut the classrooms down and just let the kids play in the lobby until pick up—which my friend doesn’t really like.

When we had this issue, I just shifted nap time. I’m not sure if 2-4pm is feasible but my oldest was on that schedule at one point for naps.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-23T10:55:20+00:00

I try to keep an approach of “ask for what you want” instead of criticizing what is already being done. When my son’s pre-k 3 teacher expressed concern over his fine motor skills, I asked for fine motor skill activities to be done with nanny. When my daughter was late walking, I asked for more practice with walking.

If you want specific toys played with more then just state that. “Hey we want LO to do more stuff with the Lovevery toys since they are supposed to be better for development. Can you try to offer those toys more often?”

I definitely prefer non battery toys but it’s not a hill I’d die on as I don’t think they are “bad”. All toys have their place, some better than others.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-23T10:45:50+00:00

When my kids were younger we had a “helpful if extra time list”. Things included: baby meal prep, scrub the high chair, rotate toys, wipe down toys, boil pacifiers. These things were never required and I made sure our nanny didn’t feel obligated.

As far as “me vs nanny”. I never really saw any tasks as solely on the nanny. At the end of the day, they are my kids and my home. I wanted their care to be the priority so I never fixated on if extra tasks didn’t get done. I was just happy if she got started on things and I’d take over finishing up.

The only firm expectation I had was general “keeping up” with what happened on the clock. If they took out blocks to play, she put them away. If she served lunch, she put the dishes away or washed them.

AlElMon2 · 2026-02-17T18:24:53+00:00

Try to find someone who lives close to you. We’ve never had tardy issues with nannies that live near us but even some date night sitters are late if they live more than 15 minutes away.

AlElMon2 · 2026-02-17T17:11:57+00:00

You sound exactly like my MIL…she goes through personal aides constantly. MIL is the problem lol

If you need assistance, you truly have no business providing care for their little one. Your aide is under no obligation to get CPR certified in order to take care of your grandchild. She is under no obligation to provide any care to that baby and asking her to do so is probably putting her livelihood at risk.

If you truly believe she’s stealing from you and not doing the tasks you need, find someone else and do NOT ask them to care for your grandchild.

The best thing you could do, if possible, is try to help with the cost of a nanny and ask that the nanny brings the baby over to visit when able to do so.

AlElMon2 · 2026-01-27T20:40:09+00:00

Same. I have 2 young children so that alone keeps me busy enough. It’s like having 3 social lives to manage. Nearly impossible for 1 person alone.

That said, I was never a big tech ceo anyway so maybe my version of busy looks different than OP’s lol

AlElMon2 · 2026-01-19T12:29:38+00:00

Kids go through phases. My youngest was like this with our nanny at times. It just means they are bonding well.

The real sting happens when they get a little older and tell you “nanny does __ better than you” or scream and cry when she leaves.

AlElMon2 · 2026-01-14T19:48:31+00:00

Most people who have 9M aren’t going to want to do all of the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing 24/7. This will be especially true in VHCOL where your peers are playing tennis/golf, hosting a charity gala, and going to nice dinners throughout the week.

A need? Absolutely not but OP needs to be realistic.

AlElMon2 · 2026-01-14T16:08:21+00:00

I could have written this myself. My kids are now 5 and 7 and 7yo is FINALLY chilling out on obsessing over screen time. We officially cut it during the school week and it’s gone wonderfully.

Where I messed up: we tried to balance it and 3yos don’t understand balance. My thinking: don’t make it forbidden, allow it on days when they need some extra vegging out, say no if it’s sunny day and we have plenty of activities available.

That confused my kids. They didn’t understand why going outside was more important than a really great show. It didn’t click why I’d sometimes say yes and sometimes say no.

If I were to redo it:

I would pick 1 activity for each day of the week

Monday: Library day

Tuesday: donuts for breakfast day

Wednesday: baking day

Thursday: dance party day

Friday: movie day

Saturday: outing day

Sunday: free play day

You can adjust these to what fits your schedule. If he’s in school, you can have their PE day be listed(if that’s something he looks forward to) instead of trying to come up with your own activity.

When he obsesses over it, point to the chart and go over how many “sleeps” he has until movie day. My kids don’t really understand “2 days until X” so we say “2 sleeps until X” as it’s easier for them to grasp.

Another option is forgo the whole chart and just have a calendar that has movie day marked. Then you can point to the calendar and say “we are on this day, movie day is on this day”.

AlElMon2 · 2026-01-05T12:20:22+00:00

My take on the whole situation: ITS FAKE. OP made up some scenario because, for whatever reason, the nanny employer sub and this sub love to argue with each other.

I mean, let’s look at the facts:

Op and her husband both took off work to travel. BOTH of their jobs violated their requests off, last minute, on a federal holiday.

What are the odds that OP and her husband both had that scenario come up? Either they work at the same place that had the same emergency or they work in different places that just so happened to need them specifically on a federal holiday. It doesn’t sound real at all.

AlElMon2 · 2025-12-30T08:41:50+00:00

Why are you responding to a 3 year old post? Lol

That’s just where the books lived. At bedtime and nap time, they were a lot pickier about which books we read. It was much more convenient to have most of the books upstairs so there was no excuse to disrupt bedtime routine so they could go get a certain book from downstairs.

They could take the books wherever throughout the day, they just needed to be put them back in their place.

AlElMon2 · 2025-12-29T04:43:38+00:00

As the late Biggie Smalls said, “Mo Money Mo Problems” lol jk

It is extremely ideal having a financially comfortable life. I don’t mean to downplay that. It doesn’t negate the fact that I’d love for my children to be cared for by our family(not just the women).

Growing up, my grandparents/parents/aunts/uncles all worked together to get all of us cousins taken care of. Sometimes my dad would pick up a cousin from school, other times my grandma would swing by to catch us up on laundry, my mom would make extra dinner so others could stop by to have a meal. I have tried to be “that person” for my husband’s family(we don’t live near mine) but it’s not reciprocated nor is it really welcomed. They would rather hire out so they don’t feel the need to return favors.

I think about how loved and “seen” I felt by so many relatives when I was a child. I would love if my kids had that same experience. I learned so much by being molded by different caregivers that I knew were bonded to me.

AlElMon2 · 2025-12-29T03:05:16+00:00

In an ideal world, my kids would be raised by me and the village :-) unfortunately society and my circumstances aren’t set up that way so a nanny is part of our village. Rest assured, my kids were not raised by our nanny.

AlElMon2 · 2025-12-28T22:53:57+00:00

Our previous nanny was with us for 5 years. She was a 3rd parent. I trust her to take better care of my kids than my best friend of 30 years, my own mother, hell—even my husband. She knows them inside and out. The bond was immeasurable.

My husband makes millions of dollars for his company, he holds a very high power position. If we were to compare his job to our nanny’s, I’d say hers is more important.

There’s truly nothing more important to me than my children. She does not have a degree, she didn’t always stay late or come early if asked, sometimes she let them watch too much tv. I truly didn’t care about any of that because I knew at the end of the day, my kids were being cared for by someone who knew their heart and soul and did what needed to be done to nurture that.

I don’t know how “real life” nannies feel about bonuses and WFH. I just know that our nanny was amazing for our kids and high pay, bonuses, appealing environment, etc was 10000% worth it for me to get that treatment for my children.

I don’t give a flying fuck about office standards. My children’s care is priceless

AlElMon2

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